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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH won't clean his pan

187 replies

Saju1 · 09/12/2022 10:44

I know the title might seem strange, but it is literally this.

My partner is obsessed with having a cast iron pan. The issue I have is that he won't clean it! And just leaves it on the side.

I cleaned it with soap and water with a normal sponge, and he went bolistic, saying I was going to cause rust on it. So I said, teach me...

The way he cleans it is by getting a wet cloth and cleaning the contents, then dries it off with a different cloth. He then grabs a paper towel with oil and covers it, then heats it on the hob until it gets extremely hot! Then leaves it to cool. He then covers it again it oil and places it in the oven until it gets really hot again!

I said I don't have time to be cleaning a pan like this, and that we should buy a normal pan, that just requires soap and water! But he disagrees and says these pans are amazing!! I also have a young baby, and literally do not have time to clean it.

He used this pan again, and it was literally left on the side for a month. I decided to wash it with soap and water, dry it off quickly ( so that no rust is created on the pan) and put it in the cupboard. The next day the pan is out of the cupboard and on the side!!!!

When I ask him when he plans to clean, he always "I will deal with it". And never does!!

AIBU by just throwing this pan away?? Or what should I do??

I am desperate here

OP posts:
CrispyEgg · 09/12/2022 12:55

His pan - his problem.

I would inform him if it’s left out you’ll clean it with fairy and water and won’t dry it.

GimmeBiscuits · 09/12/2022 12:55

Stop cleaning it. Leave it for him to deal with.

TheKitchenWitch · 09/12/2022 12:55

I just wash mine as I do all the other dishes, usually in the dishwasher. It's fine. Had it 25 years now!

DappledThings · 09/12/2022 12:58

I wash our cast iron and the wok same as I do anything else. Can't be arsed faffing with this seasoning business.

SheWoreYellow · 09/12/2022 13:00

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/12/2022 11:20

People, it is fine to use dish soap on your cast iron. Dish soap isn't strong with lye anymore so it's not going to strip the seasoning.

OP - get a scrubby brush thing, I find those are best with cast iron (especially for those that won't use soap Hmm). Get him to put a nail on the wall so it can be hung up when not in use if he won't put it away.

Also tell him that it's really grim to not wash a pan and leave it on the side for days or weeks at a time, and if he's not going to take care of it, then he's not responsible enough to use it. Grimy sod.

Where do you get dish soap from? And what is it? Sorry if I’m being thick, I did look on Sainsbury’s before asking.

DappledThings · 09/12/2022 13:01

Where do you get dish soap from? And what is it? Sorry if I’m being thick, I did look on Sainsbury’s before asking.
Just another name for washing-up liquid!

IcakethereforeIam · 09/12/2022 13:02

My fella liked these large wine glasses that had the tensile strength of soap bubbles, they were expensive and no matter how careful I was the fucking things would crack and he'd get arsey with me about it. So I refused to wash it, he agreed he would wash it, he only had one left by then. It was left by the sink for over a year, until I binned it. He'd been happily using bog standard supermarket glasses in the interim. He keeps looking at these glasses (bloody expensive too), but I can stop him buying them because of the aforesaid.

So, OP put it out of the way, perhaps with a date on it, and, in the fulness of time, bin it.

ShimmeringShirts · 09/12/2022 13:03

I’d just chuck it out tbh, problem solved. If he’s not going to clean it and expects you to do it then I’d remove the problem.

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 09/12/2022 13:10

As pp said, he doesn’t need to season it every single time!

Wash with hot water, dry, wipe with oil. All done.

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 09/12/2022 13:11

(I don’t even bother to oil mine, most of the time. They’re absolutely fine.)

SantaBakula · 09/12/2022 13:13

I have a cast iron set , a pan and skillet which doubles as a lid fir the pan , so for them saying why bother , I can sear / brown meat add veg stock what ever put the lid on and bung the lit in the oven so it's great for stews, curry, etc . They also distributed the heat very evenly.

Aa with most pp , once I have finished cooking it gets wiped out while still warm , if i have made a curry it gets a very quick wash then oiled and heated .
it doesn't take long at all to ckwsn.
The only down side , it weighs a feckin ton !

Mxflamingnoravera · 09/12/2022 13:15

If he wants it done his way, he needs to do it, otherwise bung it in the dishwasher with everything else. He is being an arse.
Buy yourself a normal pan and use that if you are cooking. Leave his pan to him. If he doesn't clean it out it outside so you don't have to see it. He's being a twat.

Popvan · 09/12/2022 13:16

Yep, we got a steel Ken Hom wok with a wood handle, used once, got rust on it, everything tastes of rust since. It's been in the cupboard taking space since 2017 as it's yet another project that "I'll season this one day" if I had my way it would be out for the scrap man.
I bought a new wok and haven't looked back.

MrsSirusBlack · 09/12/2022 13:16

I thought this was going to be a thread about his toilet habits.

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 09/12/2022 13:17

Oh definitely agree that if he’s going to be picky and/or convoluted about it he can do it himself. And not ‘sometime/someday’ - today!

2bazookas · 09/12/2022 13:18

easy peasy, just ignore his dirty pan

Testina · 09/12/2022 13:25

Desperate, really?
His job to clean it in whatever batshit way he sees fit.
Find somewhere that you are happy for the dirty pan to sit, out of your way - on his pillow maybe - and forget about it.

BigglyBee · 09/12/2022 13:38

Doggydarling · 09/12/2022 11:03

Have you got a garden? If you have just bung the pan out there every time he leaves it lying around, say it was starting to smell.

My husband genuinely uses this as a way of cleaning almost anything! He reckons the wind and sand (we live near the shore) will clean it. I've lost count of the expensive things he has ruined when he has been asked to clean something. First he puts it on the kitchen floor and then he sneaks it outside.

I didn't care so much when it was just pans and knives, but once it was a digital incubator.

Sorry, as you were, I just sometimes get a little glimpse of how very abnormal my life is and I get a bit worked up.

Fraaahnces · 09/12/2022 13:38

He uses it, he cleans it.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/12/2022 13:49

IDontWantToBeAPie · 09/12/2022 12:43

If it's cast iron you're not meant to clean it... it needs to be seasoned. You basically just ruined his pan.

She basically hasn't.

I've basically not ruined mine either, by washing them.
For 20 years.

PP posted a handy guide - www.lodgecastiron.com/discover/cleaning-and-care/cast-iron/how-clean-cast-iron#:~:text=Wash%20your%20cast%20iron%20cookware,after%20the%20pan%20has%20cooled.

Trollsintheforest · 09/12/2022 13:51

If it’s still out put a Christmas decoration or two on it!

Onnabugeisha · 09/12/2022 13:54

Yarnosaura · 09/12/2022 10:50

You don't need to season an iron pan every time. And even if it does get a bit rusty you just re-oil it and it's fine. He's being a twat.

You do if your wife keeps washing it with soap and water….

KettrickenSmiled · 09/12/2022 13:54

Trollsintheforest · 09/12/2022 13:51

If it’s still out put a Christmas decoration or two on it!

Genius.

Out it goes OP - with a festive poinsettia planted jauntily in it.

NotToBeOrToBe · 09/12/2022 14:03

Put it in the oven dirty.

EndlessRain1 · 09/12/2022 14:05

Put it in the garage if you have one. Tell him a dirty pan doesn't belong on the kitchen worktop, and he can either clean it himself or you will store it out there.