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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she's an inconsiderate c**t?

160 replies

babaganooshh · 09/12/2022 07:35

A few weeks ago I invited a friend & her child on a day out with me and my child. (I had already paid for it) I said all she needed to do was show up.
I arranged a day and time to pick her up, I even messaged her the night before saying I was looking forward to spending the day all together, as our children have been best friends since before they could walk.

The morning of, I parked outside and text her saying I was here. No reply.
I rang her, she said oh my god I thought it was tomorrow (laughing) I said it's ok I'll wait in the car so you can get ready.

She rang back 5 mins later saying she wasn't going to be coming as she hadn't sorted a booster seat out (despite me texting the night before asking if she had sorted said booster seat)
By this point, my daughter was crying her eyes out in the car.
I hung up on my friend, & took my daughter anyway. She sent me a string of messages saying I had once cancelled on her etc.
We eventually made up, & both decided we should make more of an effort with each other.

Fast forward a week, I invite her and her daughter to my child's party at our house. She read the message but didn't reply, nor did she show up or wish my daughter a happy birthday.

A week later, she put a load of pictures on Facebook of her own daughters party. That stung a lot. I messaged & asked why she hadn't thought to reply to me or invite us?

She gave me a long excuse about having a viral infection bla bla bla.

Anyway, am I being unreasonable to call her up on it all or do I just drop her completely? She makes out like she's such a good friend etc, yet behind closed doors she's an inconsiderate cow. That's twice in the space of a month she's pulled a dick move. If she doesn't like me anymore then why can't she grow some balls and communicate with me?

OP posts:
Wowzel · 09/12/2022 07:36

Don't bother with her, she's a crap friend and really thoughtless

Stompythedinosaur · 09/12/2022 07:38

More dignified to just leave it and stop inviting her places tbh.

I don't think she was obliged to invite your dd to her party, but not showing up to the day out was rude.

Blondlashes · 09/12/2022 07:39

Just leave it. She’s flaky and inconsiderate. Maybe she has other issues going on that she won’t/can’t share with you.
with ppl like this a big scene doesn’t achieve anything. Just withdraw

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/12/2022 07:39

She is not a good friend. She's really really flaky and I would avoid her.

Fedupofdiets · 09/12/2022 07:40

She's not your friend.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/12/2022 07:41

She’s not a friend. Just say no thanks to any invitations from now on.

Aussiegirl123456 · 09/12/2022 07:42

Echo prev post. She’s not your friend.

ZenNudist · 09/12/2022 07:44

Just drop her like a stone and don't stoop to name calling. If she contacts you just say you've been really busy but we must make plans at some point. Repeat. She will get the message.

RaininSummer · 09/12/2022 07:47

She sounds horrible. I think that friendship is over

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 09/12/2022 07:49

Stop trying. She doesn’t like you.

Outtasteamandluck · 09/12/2022 07:49

Actions not words. She's telling you she doesn't want to be friends.

Dittosaw · 09/12/2022 07:50

Phase her out. She is angry, point scoring and either you will have to apologise or argue. Neither will achieve what you want it to.

I had to cancel something this week. I was exhausted, the kids were unwell- one turned out to be very much sicker than I had thought- but I apologised in advance, explained why and continued to apologise.

She will probably come back with a more genuine apology in January.

Overandunderit · 09/12/2022 07:51

Don't escalate. Leave her to it. Find better friends.

Doidontimmm · 09/12/2022 07:54

I think she either doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore or something has happened and her daughter doesn’t want to be friends with yours anymore and she doesn’t know how to tell you.

HikingforScenery · 09/12/2022 07:55

I think she’s communicated to you tbh. You’re just not getting the message.

She’s treated you terribly. What more do you want to see/hear?

Just because your children are friends doesn’t mean you have to be

MrsThimbles · 09/12/2022 07:57

Just let the friendship go and slowly move forward with trying to make new friends. And please, please don’t use the C word again. It’s horrible even as a swear word.

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 09/12/2022 07:57

No!
if your kids are friends so don’t call her a cunt! Keep it cool and civil.
Just only contact her when it’s to do with kids now.
Step back, don’t contact unless it’s to do with kids.

girlmom21 · 09/12/2022 07:58

MrsThimbles · 09/12/2022 07:57

Just let the friendship go and slowly move forward with trying to make new friends. And please, please don’t use the C word again. It’s horrible even as a swear word.

It's supposed to be horrible.

OP she's not inconsiderate. She's just plain nasty. Just don't bother with her anymore. If you call her out you'll be the bad guy.

carefulcalculator · 09/12/2022 08:03

Don't call her out, don't engage in drama, just accept she's a twat and move on.

You and your daughter can do better - including by spending twice as much on yourselves and going alone.

carefulcalculator · 09/12/2022 08:05

MrsThimbles · 09/12/2022 07:57

Just let the friendship go and slowly move forward with trying to make new friends. And please, please don’t use the C word again. It’s horrible even as a swear word.

Grown adults can use the word cunt if they want to.

You can boss your own kids about but not the rest of the world.

poefaced · 09/12/2022 08:08

Just drop her (the cunt 😂)

She’s not worth it.

BrightSaturn · 09/12/2022 08:10

Just leave it and phase her out, she sounds inconsiderate and like she would play the victim if you called her out.

Sprouttreesareamazing · 09/12/2022 08:12

Stop begging her to be your mate. She isn't.

NerrSnerr · 09/12/2022 08:13

How old are the children? It doesn't excuse her bad behaviour but I wonder if her daughter doesn't class your daughter as a best friend?

liarliarshortsonfire · 09/12/2022 08:15

Just drop her, don't invite her and decline anything she invites you to, she's not a good friend