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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she's an inconsiderate c**t?

160 replies

babaganooshh · 09/12/2022 07:35

A few weeks ago I invited a friend & her child on a day out with me and my child. (I had already paid for it) I said all she needed to do was show up.
I arranged a day and time to pick her up, I even messaged her the night before saying I was looking forward to spending the day all together, as our children have been best friends since before they could walk.

The morning of, I parked outside and text her saying I was here. No reply.
I rang her, she said oh my god I thought it was tomorrow (laughing) I said it's ok I'll wait in the car so you can get ready.

She rang back 5 mins later saying she wasn't going to be coming as she hadn't sorted a booster seat out (despite me texting the night before asking if she had sorted said booster seat)
By this point, my daughter was crying her eyes out in the car.
I hung up on my friend, & took my daughter anyway. She sent me a string of messages saying I had once cancelled on her etc.
We eventually made up, & both decided we should make more of an effort with each other.

Fast forward a week, I invite her and her daughter to my child's party at our house. She read the message but didn't reply, nor did she show up or wish my daughter a happy birthday.

A week later, she put a load of pictures on Facebook of her own daughters party. That stung a lot. I messaged & asked why she hadn't thought to reply to me or invite us?

She gave me a long excuse about having a viral infection bla bla bla.

Anyway, am I being unreasonable to call her up on it all or do I just drop her completely? She makes out like she's such a good friend etc, yet behind closed doors she's an inconsiderate cow. That's twice in the space of a month she's pulled a dick move. If she doesn't like me anymore then why can't she grow some balls and communicate with me?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 09/12/2022 11:17

Anyway, am I being unreasonable to call her up on it all or do I just drop her completely?

No need to behave like a fishwife. Just drop and move on. Clean, clinical, pain-free (relatively).

user1471538283 · 09/12/2022 11:21

Do not have anything to do with her again. I put up with so much but not my DC being messed about.

Theskyisfallingdown · 09/12/2022 11:33

‘The only time she has approached me first in the last YEAR, was when she wanted to borrow some money from me’………
‘I thought we were a lot closer than this‘

what? She’s made it very obvious you are not a friend, it’s fine, move on with your life.

Peashoots · 09/12/2022 11:37

I’d have dropped her the morning you were waiting outside her house. That’s beyond inconsiderate; she’s a selfish arse hole. You’re better off without her op 💐

Eyerollcentral · 09/12/2022 11:53

Op did she actually agree to the day out to begin with? From the way you’ve written it seems like you organised it and then just expected her to go with you. I hate being railroaded in to things. Your children sound very young so no they haven’t been best friends since before they could walk, you’re projecting a closeness on to them there. You sound lonely and fixating on children’s parties is only a way to make you feel more so. Concentrate on your own family.

Lilyyy · 09/12/2022 11:56

Drop her, she isn’t your friend and she’s made it clear

Moveoverdarlin · 09/12/2022 11:59

Don’t bother with her again. If she approaches you, then play it by ear, but don’t go making any plans or suggestions.

dutysuite · 09/12/2022 12:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Lovageandrose · 09/12/2022 12:32

Drop her like a hot potato

user573010482911233445559002281818484 · 09/12/2022 12:50

She's not your friend op. You and your dd are handy for her and her dd when she needs you for something.

Original poster
babaganooshh · 09/12/2022 19:18

@Eyerollcentral I asked her a week before the day out if she would like to come, she said she would love to and has been meaning to ask me if I would like to go on a day out somewhere.
The kids went to a baby group together, then nursery, they still get on extremely well, I'm not projecting anything onto them, I couldn't give a flying fuck about her if there weren't kids involved, but when my child is resorted to tears through someone else's pure inconsiderate behaviour then it becomes personal, yes. When my daughter is expecting her friend to turn up at her party as she's been invited, and her mother is too much of a fuck stick to bother even replying to the invite, then again, it becomes personal. Let me down fine, I'm an adult I can take it, let my child down then that's a whole different ballgame. That's why I wrote on MN about it, because it's hurt ME that it has had an effect on my little girl.

Plus the fact I don't understand this kind of behaviour, If I don't like them I tell them I don't want to be friends anymore, not fuck around with plans and act like a complete bitch about something as simple as a little party.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 09/12/2022 19:29

It’s really bad form you had arranged to go and she let you down. I still don’t buy this best friends stuff about very young children, yes young children usually have a preferred pal but it’s projecting to see it through an adult lens of being best friends. Did you not just go on out for the day with your daughter?
Unfortunately it seems you thought more of your friendship with this woman more than she does or perhaps there is something more going on that you don’t know about. I understand it’s upsetting when a child is upset especially around their birthday but they are also very easily distracted at a young age. Aside from anything else when the mother hadn’t confirmed they could go to your daughter’s party why did you not prepare her for the possibility that she wouldn’t be there? X mightn’t be able to make it but we’ll still have a great time.
At the end of the day muting the mother on social media is your best bet, as you’ll only get more wound up you haven’t been invited to other events. Barring something you don’t know just focus on your real friends and family, you seem disproportionately angry about this

Original poster
babaganooshh · 09/12/2022 19:42

@Eyerollcentral I am probably more angry than the average person would be, I'm really not sure why.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 09/12/2022 19:50

TBH I am myself at times! Don’t let the assholes get you down but absolutely do ask her for the money back for the tickets the next time you see her - do NOT text, it will only start a row and who needs it

AllyArty · 09/12/2022 19:59

Sadly i don't think she cares about you or your friendship as much as you do. You and your LO deserve to be treated better. Let her go.

Liz1tummypain · 10/12/2022 18:49

Drop her. Move on

Boxofsockss · 10/12/2022 18:54

Fuck her of.

user58202018484482910ugog19293843910 · 10/12/2022 19:01

Did you resolve anything op

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/12/2022 19:05

babaganooshh · 09/12/2022 19:42

@Eyerollcentral I am probably more angry than the average person would be, I'm really not sure why.

No you aren't.

This would have made me murderous! An adult upsetting a child for some petty revenge over something they haven't even got the manners to name - she IS a you-know-what!

rowan1981 · 10/12/2022 19:09

Cut her off. Why waste your life?

Looby57 · 10/12/2022 19:19

Time to dump her methinks

Notthetoothfairy · 10/12/2022 19:26

It sounds like you’re a lot more emotionally invested than her (and let’s face it, DC can’t be best friends before even walking/talking so that was you projecting feelings onto them). I would just cut down contact and find some better friends.

BabyOnBoard90 · 10/12/2022 19:39

For whatever reason she's not keen on you just as you aren't keen on her.

Reconsider how you manage the relationship for you both your sakes. Perhaps you're better as casual acquaintances or strangers.

Caelan2018 · 10/12/2022 19:41

Drop her she is a cheeky cow

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/12/2022 19:44

Block and delete.

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