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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she's an inconsiderate c**t?

160 replies

babaganooshh · 09/12/2022 07:35

A few weeks ago I invited a friend & her child on a day out with me and my child. (I had already paid for it) I said all she needed to do was show up.
I arranged a day and time to pick her up, I even messaged her the night before saying I was looking forward to spending the day all together, as our children have been best friends since before they could walk.

The morning of, I parked outside and text her saying I was here. No reply.
I rang her, she said oh my god I thought it was tomorrow (laughing) I said it's ok I'll wait in the car so you can get ready.

She rang back 5 mins later saying she wasn't going to be coming as she hadn't sorted a booster seat out (despite me texting the night before asking if she had sorted said booster seat)
By this point, my daughter was crying her eyes out in the car.
I hung up on my friend, & took my daughter anyway. She sent me a string of messages saying I had once cancelled on her etc.
We eventually made up, & both decided we should make more of an effort with each other.

Fast forward a week, I invite her and her daughter to my child's party at our house. She read the message but didn't reply, nor did she show up or wish my daughter a happy birthday.

A week later, she put a load of pictures on Facebook of her own daughters party. That stung a lot. I messaged & asked why she hadn't thought to reply to me or invite us?

She gave me a long excuse about having a viral infection bla bla bla.

Anyway, am I being unreasonable to call her up on it all or do I just drop her completely? She makes out like she's such a good friend etc, yet behind closed doors she's an inconsiderate cow. That's twice in the space of a month she's pulled a dick move. If she doesn't like me anymore then why can't she grow some balls and communicate with me?

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 09/12/2022 08:17

Ignore and move on. Life is too short.

butterfliedtwo · 09/12/2022 08:21

You have been phased out.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/12/2022 08:22

Just block and move on, she's not a friend.

MrsHGWells · 09/12/2022 08:25

She’s not your friend - a narcissist power play and she’s being a bitch.

Unicorn2022 · 09/12/2022 08:25

If your children have been friends since before they could walk but they are still young enough to be in booster seats then it is not that long. If it was a really long term friendship I could see why you would make all this effort.

She doesn't like you and treats you appallingly. She is not fostering your children's friendship either if she is excluding your child from the birthday party and missing days out.

Please block her and don't encourage your child to be friends with hers so you don't need to have any contact with her in the future. You will feel bad now but will be glad in the long run.

Beautiful3 · 09/12/2022 08:26

Take a step back. She isn't your friend at all. Don't get sucked into drama and ill feeling.

Dittosaw · 09/12/2022 08:29

I have to ask myself on these threads, “ What do you actually want to happen?”

If you call her an inconsiderate C* you will blow up the friendship, she will slag you off to all her mates and you will get the reputation of being hot-headed and short- tempered.

Good to think it, not to say it…

Asiama · 09/12/2022 08:29

I don't think she wants to be friends anymore. Just leave her to it quietly. No point in creating drama as it won't make you feel better.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 09/12/2022 08:31

Is let the relationship go.
You’ve already spoke and decided to make more effort with each other and she acts the same way again.

Some people are just flakey and incapable or being direct. It’s infuriating but it is what it is.

move on and out time into your more positive friendships.

fyi my son had a friend he knew since being babies whose mum I was friends with. It’s lovely but they do move on. A similar thing happened in that this friend start treating me like crap. I put up with it for too long because the kids were friends, but I’m glad I dropped it eventually.

Usernameisunavailable · 09/12/2022 08:33

She’s not inconsiderate, she’s doing it deliberately. You reminded her about the day out and when you turned up her excuse was you’d cancelled on her before. Deliberate. You invite her child to a party and ignores it, then throws a party where your daughter isn’t invited. Again, deliberate. Is she trying to get back at you for something? Either way she’s no longer your friend, stop contacting her. Don’t even bother confronting her as she’d only make excuses. Just move on and block her on social media so you don’t see her posts.

Tulipomania · 09/12/2022 08:34

Quietly drop her

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 09/12/2022 08:35

don't bother telling her what she is. she won't hear you. anything you say will just reflect negatively on you. just stop considering her a friend and stop inviting her on things. she isn't a friend.

SuperCamp · 09/12/2022 08:37

Well you did already challenge her about the parties. She knows how you feel.

Just stop contacting her / inviting her. You’ve been making all the running in these examples. See what happens if you leave the effort to her.

It’s horrible when people behave like this, but she is entitled to let friendships fizzle.

Concentrate on other friends for you and your Dd.

Tomatopasta · 09/12/2022 08:38

She definitely still has a issue and is probably trying to pay you back for the earlier incident. Common move made by passive aggressive people. All too polite when you speak to them and then they will find ways to let you know they are angry. I know lots of people like this.

Effort is a two way street, so if she ceases to make an effort she’s probably trying to tell you something.

HereComeTheGrannies · 09/12/2022 08:39

Just drop her. If you say anything she will play the victim, give you excuses and then possibly use social media to cry about it making you look the bad guy. Stop speaking to her, ignore if she messages and phase her out. She’s not worth the emotional energy.

Millana · 09/12/2022 08:39

The day out thing was horrible of her.

I'm sorry to say, the party thing is her making a choice to no longer be friends. She's slowing distancing herself as others have advised you to do her.

Try not to take it personally. If your children are friends you can still be civil but yeah, stop organising things with her.

DrManhattan · 09/12/2022 08:39

She doesn't like or respect you. Move on and don't look back

GetThatHelmetOn · 09/12/2022 08:42

I don’t see the need for such drama, when people behave like this I just delete their phone, silence their profile in my Facebook and remember what they did if they call me to make up.

Millana · 09/12/2022 08:42

Oh and don't call her out. You won't achieve anything other than come out as the bad guy and possibly ruin your children's friendship.

Just keep your head up, don't organise anything with her and politely decline anything she wants to do.

Sceptre86 · 09/12/2022 08:42

You come across as wanting this friendship more than she does. She left you out of pocket and couldn't even be bothered to wish your kid a happy birthday. Get the message, she isn't your friend. I know this sounds harsh but you are making things worse for yourself, just let this one go.

Roselilly36 · 09/12/2022 08:44

Forget her, some friendships aren’t for life, and this one definitely is not. Find a new friend.

SezFrankly · 09/12/2022 08:46

You know the answer. Dick move from a dick. Waste no more energy. Drop her

Cheeseandhoney · 09/12/2022 08:47

Don’t call her out, just makes you look all desperate like she’s very im-Ryan’s to you. Just let it go now and stop asking her places. She’s not interested

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/12/2022 08:49

ZenNudist · 09/12/2022 07:44

Just drop her like a stone and don't stoop to name calling. If she contacts you just say you've been really busy but we must make plans at some point. Repeat. She will get the message.

This. Quietly drop her but don't make a drama out of it.

cherriegarcia · 09/12/2022 08:50

I'm not sure what will improve if you complain to her about it? You've already been shown pretty clearly that she doesn't value your friendship all that much or is busy with other things. Why make a fuss about it? Just stop doing things with her. If someone doesn't care about your friendship don't beg for it, just accept that and move on.