Told I was 'phobic' for not using pronouns!

[NewStartIn50s]

Asked for my preferred pronouns and I said ' I don't use them', pushed on what I use to refer to myself and I said I don't use on emails or when I introduce myself or at all. Apparently, if I use them I am showing inclusivity to others and being accepting. I'm not quite a dinosaur yet but why are these things forced on us. I don't have a beard (yet) and I think you can tell what I am/but does it really matter if you can't.

So AIBU

YANBU - don't have to use pronouns if you don't want to

YABU - you should state what your preferred pronouns are

I’m not keen on stating my pronouns either so this must mean I suffer from two phobias now - emetophobia and pronounophobia.

I feel quite sorry for myself.

Updated version:

If fact-checkers tell you "1+1=2" is a conspiracy theory, then stop spreading misinformation. Or else1

Erm, what's a conspiracy theory?

I mean whad

But why be asked to in the first place?

A couple of years ago, a guy in America realised that he had been accidently been signing off as his female colleague while using their shared email. They tried out a wee experiment for a couple of weeks - metro.co.uk/2017/03/11/what-one-man-learned-about-sexism-from-swapping-names-with-his-female-colleague-for-a-week-6501842/

@NotBadConsidering superb post, thank you.

This seems like a good place for this for anyone who hasn't already seen it.

fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

I really really want to say ' my name is Carriemac and I have a vagina ' next time I'm asked

Pronouns are used every single day; until recently without controversy or comment.

'My' pronouns are the weird bit. No one has ownership of these, nor do they claim ownership over another's language.

To clarify, I will use whatever pronouns for someone else that they ask me to use. I will not dictate how others should speak about me in my absence, and I will not tolerate being called 'cis'. Having others rebrand my own sex without my consent, inaccurately ascribing to me a 'gender identity' with which I don't identify (I'd be non-binary if I troubled to think about it, but I have more important things to think about than me, me, me), then accusing me of being 'transphobic' when I stridently object, is a grotesque fucking liberty too far. They can take their regressive gender stereotypes and shove them: I want precisely no part of it.

Respect cuts both ways, but TRAs as a movement seem stubbornly incapable of appreciating this.

YANBU.

The pronouns thing is part and parcel of the queer theorists' attempt to change society by changing the words it uses. It is presented as being kind and inclusive but is anything but - it's a means of creating compliance with and adherence to an ideology that is as coherent and reality-based as the Incels' Chad and Stacey legend.

Gender is a social construct and as such is a nonsensical basis for an "identity", a term suspect in itself. Those screeching at the GC that they are right wing ought to reflect that an obsession with identitarianism is a key facet of the far right. It's miles away from compassion to the truly dysphoric.

Accept a nonsense like pronoun stating and the rest of the mad ideology can be piled in behind it.

"None of your damn business" has worked well for me so far.

We were given the options to use them at work. I didn’t and I won’t be bullied into using them either. I did not care what anybody thinks.

But what about if someone specifically asks your pronouns so they know how to refer to you? Would you prefer that people just always use your name? Or guess?

Frankly, yes.

Those who don’t want to disclose their pronouns in their emails etc., fair enough. But what about if someone specifically asks your pronouns so they know how to refer to you? Would you prefer that people just always use your name? Or guess? Using someone’s name over and over seems clumsy to me and an odd way to go when we’ve been using pronouns for years without a second thought.

Why would anyone ask you unless it wasn't obvious what sex you are. I am also quite happy for them to guess and would not be offended if they got it wrong. We have indeed been using pronouns for years without a second thought and without having to ask people if they are a he or she.

I first heard about the email thing about 2 years ago and thought thank goodness my organisation doesn't do that. However we got the email around a few months ago, totally voluntary, but it just looks silly to see Brenda (she/her) or Alan (he/his). It's not like we've been getting it wrong all these years!

I wouldn't be happy at putting this bollocks in my work emails. But I have to admit that once or twice I've found myself googling Indian names to find out what sex they are, so I can refer to them correctly in emails.

But what about if someone specifically asks your pronouns so they know how to refer to you? Would you prefer that people just always use your name? Or guess?

I have never told anyone "my" pronouns so presumably they have had to guess for all these years. And yet, no one has ever guessed wrong.

Funny, that.

Same here

I’m happy for people to make a guess, it’s not been an issue at all.

Use my name, make a stab at it, all preferable to asking my pronoun.

I have never told anyone "my" pronouns so presumably they have had to guess for all these years. And yet, no one has ever guessed wrong.

Funny, that.

Same here. It's spooky how psychic people are.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn".
Good opportunity to use a classic quote right there.

I would much prefer that, rather than an obligation to use a person's specified pronouns regardless of how that may clash with our own identity and values, we had an option of polite gender neutral pronouns that can be used for anyone regardless of gender/sex. I think having a language that requires us to label people as male and female to talk about them at all, even just to say they've put the bin out, is the thing that should have been tackled rather than keep the daft, outmoded sex-based language but let people choose which set they want to be referred to.

However even that isn't great because the historical suppression of female people in public life means gender neutral tends to read as male and therefore contributes to the "default male" cultural falacy.

• And as my natural use of it above shows, "they" historically fulfilled this role for people of unknown sex (not meaning specifically DSD but in situations where you speak of a hypothetical/general person like I have above), but has been hijacked for the specific identity of non-binary and therefore can't do that job).

Surely, if people have the right to choose their pronouns, others have the choice to not have them.

Which just shows how much bollocks it is. Because when there hasn’t been a declaration of a person’s pronouns, even the most rampant TRA defaults to a person’s sex. And when it’s pointed out they’re “assuming someone’s gender” they roll their eyes (despite their own hypocrisy). But a conversation is still completely possible, remarkably 🙄.

It demonstrates it’s actually about recruitment: recruit as many believers to the cause.

And I missed it. Well. FML.