Told I was 'phobic' for not using pronouns!

[NewStartIn50s]

Asked for my preferred pronouns and I said ' I don't use them', pushed on what I use to refer to myself and I said I don't use on emails or when I introduce myself or at all. Apparently, if I use them I am showing inclusivity to others and being accepting. I'm not quite a dinosaur yet but why are these things forced on us. I don't have a beard (yet) and I think you can tell what I am/but does it really matter if you can't.

So AIBU

YANBU - don't have to use pronouns if you don't want to

YABU - you should state what your preferred pronouns are

Could you say you identify as a Hobnob biscuit, anything seems to go these days 😀

My standard response to this is to look bewildered and say ‘ I don’t know what you mean’ Then if they can be arsed to explain I start taking everything personally and say things like ‘ He/him? Are you saying I look manly, is it the hair on my face, I can’t help it it’s the menopause’ ‘THEY? There is only one of me, are you saying I have put weight on?’ ‘Why are you attacking me like this’
I just have fun with it .

But what about if someone specifically asks your pronouns so they know how to refer to you? Would you prefer that people just always use your name? Or guess?

Why the fuckity fuck should it matter how you are referred to when people are talking about you, not to you?
How do you think humans have managed to get by for so fucking long without declaring their pronouns? Oh yeah, because they've always been sex based so no one cared.

It used to be common to put your title in parentheses after your name in correspondence, like “yours sincerely, J Smith (Mrs)”. I kind of see the pronouns thing as similar.

And it was a great way to advertise yet more things at work which were irrelveant - like your marital status, whether you preferred "Miss", "Ms" etc and round we go again in the social construct arguments. This is heavily discriminatory against women, given men only ever get addressed "Mr". Professional titles like "Prof", "Dr" etc are at least non-specific to male or female. Nothing else is required, surely, in the workplace at least?

This !

I deliberately use a male version of my name because men are so much more responsive to my emails when they think I’m male. Wtf would I put female pronouns and lose that, it makes my job so much easier

I usually go with HRH if they insist

I’m with you on the hill !

This is a totally legit point, it’s just a way of avoiding people awkwardly using “they” until someone tells them I guess.

I would not be adding pronouns to email. My name is a woman's name so I don't feel the need to clarify this.
Missing the point here but - not sure why people need to know chosen pronouns. If I speak to someone, I never refer to them in the 3rd person. I will say you (2nd person) or use their name.

I guess wondering how we’ve got along so far without it being an issue was part of my initial question! But fair point about it not mattering if it’s only when people are talking about you, not to you - as someone else mentioned you would presumably only ever use the 2nd person or their name.

🤣 I'm going to start doing this , flippin genius !

Why though? It’s unnecessary. I would cringe inside out saying “my pronouns are she/her”. Why should people do something unnecessary that makes them uncomfortable?

I can't imagine my employer ever asking me what my preferred pronouns are, thank goodness. They are far too sensible.

If, however, I had the misfortune to work for a wanky-wokey employer, I would not take kindly to being asked. I'd like them to explain just what relevance my gender has to my work, and why they are insisting that everyone has to reveal their chosen gender instead of being able to keep that personal information private should they choose to do so.

Either that, or I'd invent a few new pronouns up for them to choose from.

'On/Off' would be my current favourite. Or possibly 'Hokey/Cokey', I can't quite make my mind up.

@BlackForestCake - brilliant! Hope you don't mind but I've screenshot that to use in a meeting next week! Thanks!!

Genuinely, can I say I don't want to be referred to other than my name?

I really feel that's suitable for everything since the day I got it.

tell them you identify as a chair see what they say to that

love this

'preferred pronouns are the thin end of the wedge'

I'm not giving womanhood away to men for their sexual thrill. It is too important. Not one word will they take. Bloody colonisers. Women are not the next frontier, space is!
Children are being harmed.
Currently 92% - all of you keyboard warriors need to be louder in real life. Go and listen to Kelly-Jay Keen on youtube.

I have a name that most people don't know whether is typically female or typically male. I don't give a rat's nadge if they address me as Mr first name surname, Mr Surname, Ms x, whatever. This isn't because I'm blessed by some cis-het privilege ("how nice not to care" someone once told me earnestly)... It's that it does not matter to me or my identity.

What I do not like is when schools refer to me as Mrs Ex Partner's surname because they've assumed from my kids' names, and repeated this multiple times even after I've told them we are no longer together and were never married anyway.

Internally I just do a little sigh about automatic speech based on old paternalistic bullshit.

Ultimately I don't care that much because I don't need their validation and I know they are busy and probably don't mean to annoy.

I don't need to be seen as belonging to a particular gender category. If others do that's fine, but it's not for me.

And it must be excruciating for anyone mid-transition to be forced to announce their pronouns.

i do think it is akin to sexuality, religion, race or nationality, and other protected characteristics. Normally, colleagues talk about home, family and social life. It's left to you how much you share, which it is how it should be. You don't have to stand up on your first day and say how you fare on all the protected characteristics so no-one inadvertently offends you with their normative discourse. You'd just presume that most colleagues would be respectful and would be hauled up for obvious transgressions.

I wont be playing that game in any job
My gender or pronouns are irrelevant to my ability to do my job and of no ones business
Use my name like an adult

I’m starting a new job in the new year. My new boss states her pronouns in her LinkedIn profile. She seems otherwise ok, so I’m raising half an eyebrow and storing up some of the great responses in this thread, just in case.

"@LiesDoNotBecomeUs LiesDoNotBecomeUs · Yesterday 22:28
'I am a cis woman and I don't see why I should have a problem with putting my pronouns on my e-mail signature.'

This is because you are part of a group that believes in gender.
(You don't have to be trans to be in that group.)
Adding pronouns to your signature is like a Christian adding a bible quotation to theirs.
I'm fine with someone adding a bible quotation to their e-mail but would not wish to put one on my own.

Oh, I dunno, it seems to me that " ( and ) Jesus wept! " is really quite fitting!
A small but rather excellent bible quotation, if ever there was one.

I’m through with being nice, kind or playing dumb. I won’t do any of those things anymore. I won’t play games, make a joke out of it, pretend to look bewildered, or any of those things suggested. I will explicitly state that 3rd person pronouns are sex-based, always have been and always will be, and only a small number of people believe they are gender-based. I am not one of those people.

That small number of people do not get to decide for the rest of us that things have changed. Neither I nor the rest of the world consents to such a change being imposed upon us. It’s not part of the natural evolution of language because that happens to make communication easier - which is how pronouns came into our language in the first place. Talking about a male as “she” does not make communication easier. It’s a belief system I don’t subscribe to and I will not be compelled to follow. My own belief is protected in law in the UK. My belief should be equally respected.

If pressed why I will explain that the same ideology of having gender-based pronouns on a badge instead of continuing to use sex-based pronouns naturally is the same ideology that insists male rapists are referred to as “she”. Because they are referred to as “she” these men get placed in women’s prisons where they sexually assault women.

The same ideology means a teenage girl who might be confused about her sexuality and/or on the autism spectrum, and/or be a victim of abuse who decides she is a boy needs to be referred to as “he”. Because she is referred to as “he”, a pathway of irreversible harm is commenced with puberty blockers and wrong sex hormones, with double mastectomies being done on girls as young as 12. This all started because of the compelled use of the pronoun “he” for those girls.

No more games. No more bewilderment. No more silliness. The damage from this is real. Stand up and say no.