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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awkward situation with homeless man outside Tesco

150 replies

Sariela · 08/12/2022 17:32

There's a homeless man who sits outside my local small Tesco. I'll sometimes say hi back to him but I never give him any money.

Last week he asked me for something to eat and I bought him a sandwich/ crisps and a drink from the shop. He was very grateful.

Most people just ignore him, I've never seen anyone give him anything (food or money).

The problem is I pass him about 4 times a day and I've kind of got myself into and awkward position of being unable to ignore him (I feel too guilty).

I don't mind buying him an odd sandwich/ snack every now and again but I can't afford to do it every day.

I've asked him if he needs any help and wrote down a number for a local charity. However, his English isn't great and I'm not sure he understood.

Wwyd? I don't want to just ignore the man. But I'm dreading waking last every time now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sariela · 08/12/2022 17:33

*walking past!

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 08/12/2022 17:35

Is there a streetlink scheme in your area.
you report the location of anyone sleeping rough and they send outreach workers out to see if they need any help.
I use it regularly in Brum- they also send you an update on the outcome

pictish · 08/12/2022 17:36

So what is going on? You’re buying him lunch every day?

Onekidnoclue · 08/12/2022 17:40

I don’t think you should ignore him. Saying hello and making eye contact is free. If he asks you can say no, not this time. Decide how often and it what way you’re ok to help. Perhaps a sandwich on a Wednesday or a hot drink twice a week? Just decide what you’re ok with and crack on with a greeting on other days.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 08/12/2022 17:41

First remember he is sat there because e knows he will niggle someone's guilty bone.

Then remember that there are charitable organizations in every town and city that will be able to help him access the things he really needs.

So yes. Check if you have a Streetlink and if not what you do have. You should be able to find it quite easily, they don't hide. Homeless in Xx usually does it.

www.streetlink.org.uk/

And don't feel guilty or in anyway obligated. You have no idea what his needs are and you can't endanger your own finances, especially when there are professional organisations set up to help.

Original poster
Sariela · 08/12/2022 17:41

pictish · 08/12/2022 17:36

So what is going on? You’re buying him lunch every day?

Well not "lunch" but I've bought him something most days, unless I walk the other way which takes longer.
Maybe I'm being silly.

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 08/12/2022 17:42

Does the Tesco store have any security personnel you could ask them if anyone from Tesco has offered to help him.

Lkydfju · 08/12/2022 17:43

If you Google your local council street homeless team you can let them know about him so they will seek him out to offer support then you will know he has some help and might make it easier for you to only give if you want/can

Pineapple41 · 08/12/2022 17:46

I’d walk by briskly with a cheery “hello” and a smile, but notify your local streetlink (or similar) service about him so that he can get some support. If there are times you feel you want to buy him something or offer a chat that’s lovely, but there’s no reason why this needs to be daily - I’m sure he certainly isn’t expecting it to be.

CantFindTheBeat · 08/12/2022 17:47

I got into a similar habit with a big issue seller.

It became so awkward (for me).

I ended up going a difference route (so not helpful to you, sorry).

Georgeskitchen · 08/12/2022 17:48

You are very kind but he is not your problem. There are plenty of homeless charities who help these people, Google your nearest one and inform them. There is a good chance he is already known to them

ShirleyPhallus · 08/12/2022 17:49

The two options aren’t to buy him something or ignore him entirely, you can opt for middle ground “good morning” and walk on. Days that you’d like to buy him something you can approach him and ask what he’s like

Original poster
Sariela · 08/12/2022 17:50

CantFindTheBeat · 08/12/2022 17:47

I got into a similar habit with a big issue seller.

It became so awkward (for me).

I ended up going a difference route (so not helpful to you, sorry).

You sound like me 😆 I get it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sariela · 08/12/2022 17:51

Thanks everyone. I'll contact streetlink. I have a feeling he'll already be known to them but it's definitely worth a shot.

OP posts:
Keyansier · 08/12/2022 17:52

First remember he is sat there because e knows he will niggle someone's guilty bone.

Yes, he's sat in the cold, outside, in the Winter, with the embarrassment and humiliation of people walking past and either not acknowledging him or purposely ignoring him, purely because he knows he will niggle someone's guilt.

What planet universe are you on to think like this?

Keyansier · 08/12/2022 17:52

That was to @SamphirethePogoingStickerist

SpinningFloppa · 08/12/2022 17:54

Why do you pass him 4 times a day? There are loads of homeless people where I am I never speak to them at all.

Theunamedcat · 08/12/2022 18:06

Keyansier · 08/12/2022 17:52

First remember he is sat there because e knows he will niggle someone's guilty bone.

Yes, he's sat in the cold, outside, in the Winter, with the embarrassment and humiliation of people walking past and either not acknowledging him or purposely ignoring him, purely because he knows he will niggle someone's guilt.

What planet universe are you on to think like this?

He is sat specifically there because people are going in and out and they will buy food give change etc etc no good him sitting somewhere where there are no shops and people

CarefreeMe · 08/12/2022 18:12

Why are you even going to tesco so often? Lol

You sound like a nice person so I would make him a couple sandwiches from home and give it to him every other day to try and break the habit.

NickMyLipple · 08/12/2022 18:12

Oh no! That sounds difficult. I'd definitely continue to say hello though. Can you bring something from home so it costs you less, maybe a couple of times a week?

Reminds me, I was in my local co-op today and there was a man collecting for The Dog's Trust. I hate that sort of impromptu interaction and it always makes me feel awkward. My reply to him asking if I wanted to sponsor a dog was a breezy "No thanks, I don't like dogs!".

Wtf is wrong with me?! It's not even true!
😂🤦🏼‍♀️

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 08/12/2022 18:19

If I could afford it I'd buy some cheap chicken thighs and make him sandwiches at home which would be much cheaper......however he needs outreach workers. Your council can probably help getting round the language issue. I know we all have our own lives to lead and shit to be getting on with and I wouldn't be up to supporting or feeding anyone longterm either but a few phonecalls could.help someone who is extremely vulnerable right now. Even getting one of the warm banks involved would be something.

riotlady · 08/12/2022 18:20

I used to volunteer in a soup kitchen and a lot of homeless people said the worst part was how dehumanising it felt to be homeless- people would just blank you and act like you didn’t exist. Don’t feel like you have to buy him something every time but don’t ignore him, just a smile and a nod or a hello as you go past would be nice. Sometimes a tiny bit of human connection can really help.

Keyansier · 08/12/2022 18:20

Theunamedcat · 08/12/2022 18:06

He is sat specifically there because people are going in and out and they will buy food give change etc etc no good him sitting somewhere where there are no shops and people

Show quote history

Right. He is sat there because he thinks it will maximise contributions as a homeless person, he's not sat there purely because he thinks it's a way to make money from people as the other poster made out.

Bemyclementine · 08/12/2022 18:24

OP do a streetlimk report. There WILL be services he can access for food, drink and warmth during the day.

Hes sitting there because he gets the best outcome there.

neverbeenskiing · 08/12/2022 18:25

First remember he is sat there because e knows he will niggle someone's guilty bone.

Lovely.

You don't have to buy him food everytime you see him, but don't stop saying hello and start pretending he's invisible. A smile and a hello costs nothing.