Awkward situation with homeless man outside Tesco

[Sariela]

There's a homeless man who sits outside my local small Tesco. I'll sometimes say hi back to him but I never give him any money.

Last week he asked me for something to eat and I bought him a sandwich/ crisps and a drink from the shop. He was very grateful.

Most people just ignore him, I've never seen anyone give him anything (food or money).

The problem is I pass him about 4 times a day and I've kind of got myself into and awkward position of being unable to ignore him (I feel too guilty).

I don't mind buying him an odd sandwich/ snack every now and again but I can't afford to do it every day.

I've asked him if he needs any help and wrote down a number for a local charity. However, his English isn't great and I'm not sure he understood.

Wwyd? I don't want to just ignore the man. But I'm dreading waking last every time now.

And yet you're still doing it. Who are you to tell people that they are not dehumanised? After reading your response though, I can see you were not being deliberately obtuse so I'd rather not continue this discussion with you.

Just say hi and sorry but money is a bit tight today.

I'm sure he'll understand.

I did this once when the dogs trust people came knocking at my front door. They started with a cheery 'hello, do you like dogs?', so I said, 'no, not really' (true) and they were actually speechless. Got rid of them though 😅

I have told chuggers approaching me about kid's charities that I "hate kids". Same with the elderly. Hate them all... let em starve (joke, obviously).

Yes but there’s a difference between not saying hello to every random on the street and purposefully ignoring someone who’s talking directly to you.

OP, it is not your responsibility to help this man. It sounds like you have got to the point where if you miss a day (and you could due to illness, being broke etc), that you would feel massive guilt that this man could be starving to death because you were not there.

Refer him to the council or local homeless charity (both easy to find online), and send him their way.

I’m not saying someone doesn’t feel dehumanised. I’m saying that I am not dehumanising someone by not performing friendliness when being asked for money. Their situation may be dehumanising to them but it has nothing to do with me, the blame of it is not on passers by not acting appropriately friendly. Don’t continue the discussion if that suits you, but either way that’s my opinion.

So what’s an appropriately humanising response to someone asking for money/for you to buy them food? What’s appropriately friendly and humanising and will somehow make that person feel humanised? OP has already given him details of a charity which hasn’t helped, so what should her next step be?

Same here! It was so awkward and I started using a different tube entrance. And then felt terribly guilty about it.

And realistically a homeless person asking for money isn’t ‘speaking directly to you.’ They’re saying it to everyone who passes them one after the other, not trying to speak to you directly about something.

Make eye contact and say hello. Sometimes I buy something for the person but mostly I don't these days. There is free food available every single day in our city.

I usually just go with a “sorry, I can’t” or a “sorry, not today”

You seem to think you’re being personally accused of dehumanising homeless people and that’s not the case- I was just sharing some experiences I’ve heard and giving the OP advice in light of that.

And I was just disagreeing. I don’t think it’s helpful to place the blame on people for ‘dehumanising’ others.

Depends which city he is in.
A man I know is living in a tent and is in his 60's and refuses to live in a house!
{It's been offered due to his age many times} and he says some cities are easy to be homeless in, with lots of support. {He lives currently in Bristol, from London}

I'd stop buying him food unless you can afford to, he might be part of the Eastern European ''begging gangs'' that are about {?} in which they keep all money hidden from passersby.

Contact a homeless charity.

Why would a member of a gang trying to extract money from people ask someone for a sandwich? Use some common sense

It gets the ''Sympathy vote'' up.

There is lots of money to be made on City streets by simply passively sitting there.

But OP says the man does not ask for money, only food. Stop creating your own narrative in your head. It's ridiculous how far people will go to demonise homeless people. He doesn't ask for money so he must be "building up sympathy" because he's part of a criminal gang. Get a grip.

Just say hi? If you can't afford to get something every day, say "I can't afford it today" when he asks. But maintain the human connection. Don't let awkwardnes get in the way of being a decent human.

Also, if he lives just by you, you could always just tak him a sandwich rather than buying one. It would be cheaper.

I have experience I won't go into here, but you are deluded if you think organised begging gangs in the major cities aren't real.

What? Where have I said organised gangs aren't real?! I've said this man is asking for food, he's unlikely to be part of an organised criminal gang to extract money, because, you know, he'd be trying to get money? What are you thinking, maybe he's planning on making a killing on the sandwich black market?

I'm not trying to blame anyone, or suggest that the only reason homeless people can feel dehumanised is not enough people on the street saying hello to them. It's a many layered issue and I've heard some shitty stories. Saying hi, or even just some eye contact and a smile, can help a tiny bit with those horrible feelings of being invisible. It doesn't mean you're a bad person if you don't do it- we can't all do every single possible positive action.

Buy some bread and a block of cheese and make him some home made sandwiches as you pass. He must be absolutely freezing this time of year. Poor guy.

Not the same but today I broke down in my car, my phone battery died and not one person stopoed to check if I needed help (I had small kids with me). Britain has become a very cold place, emotionally as well as temperature wise. I'm glad you are kind. Keep bringing him sandwiches and perhaps a warm cup of tea and also ring streetlink too.

Next time you do buy for him just tell you wish you could do it every day but can't afford it. The guy is laying his circumstances out in front of you, so there's no need to be coy about yours. Street sleepers don't expect you to be made of money. My local guy mentioned the other day it was disgusting (my) meal deal was £3.90 now and advised me to get a club card!

Just ignore him, you don't owe him anything. If you carry on like this you'll have him in your spare room.

When you say homeless man do you actually mean homeless man e.g. sleeping rough?

Wondering as lots of people seem to confuse begging with homelessness. They are very different things.