Awkward situation with homeless man outside Tesco

[Sariela]

There's a homeless man who sits outside my local small Tesco. I'll sometimes say hi back to him but I never give him any money.

Last week he asked me for something to eat and I bought him a sandwich/ crisps and a drink from the shop. He was very grateful.

Most people just ignore him, I've never seen anyone give him anything (food or money).

The problem is I pass him about 4 times a day and I've kind of got myself into and awkward position of being unable to ignore him (I feel too guilty).

I don't mind buying him an odd sandwich/ snack every now and again but I can't afford to do it every day.

I've asked him if he needs any help and wrote down a number for a local charity. However, his English isn't great and I'm not sure he understood.

Wwyd? I don't want to just ignore the man. But I'm dreading waking last every time now.

"these people" how disgusting

Why is saying "there are charities that help these people" any worse than saying "there are charities that help homeless people"? Genuinely don't get it. What is offensive about using "these people", why keep repeating "homeless people" when we already know that's what we are talking about?

Because "these/those people" is dehumanising in itself. Would you refer to black individuals as "those people?" What about people with disabilities, would you refer to them as "those people?"

You need to be careful with your use of language because not only are you ignorant, you're offensive.

There are countless, hundreds if not more of peer reviewed journals, books, chapters, websites which focus on the dehumanising aspect of street homelessness and interactions with the general public. Try read a book and educate yourselves for god's sake, instead of embarrassing yourself on the internet.

"I walk past people who are homeless and ignore them when they talk to me, trying hard not to make eye contact. Can't understand why they think I'm dehumanising them, doesn't make sense to me"

Stupidity at it's finest.

Because "these/those people" is dehumanising in itself. Would you refer to black individuals as "those people?" What about people with disabilities, would you refer to them as "those people?"

I myself have a disability and I don't find it dehumanising at all, it's something I've never understood. "Those/these" isn't a negative word. You're still being referred to as a person, in quite a neutral way. If I heard a child ask how someone in a wheelchair gets on the bus and the parent replied "they have ramps for those people", I don't see why I'd take offense. I understand people think it's offensive, I just don't get why.

I think I'd have a word with Tesco to ask them if they're aware that the man outside is asking people for food. As they probably donate food going out of date they might be able to give him some instead of him asking people

Good luck with Streetlink.

Fir anyone who thinks these humans are begging as a lifestyle choice, go and stand out in your garden for one minute right now. It's absolutely freezing. No one would be doing this unless they were utterly desperate.

"I walk past people who are homeless and ignore them when they talk to me, trying hard not to make eye contact

I'm not going to stop and say hello to every homeless person I see, I live in London fgs.

I pass a lovely bulgarian lad most days....i always stop and sit and chat to him as i have the time...he reads really interesting books...Sartre....Shakespeare etc...i often take him a book...sometimes i buy him a sandwich...other times give him 50p ...sometimes he refuses it and says its nice that someone actually talks to him...i have made a few calls for him to get inside for winter ... he openly told me he had spent 2 years in prison back home...didnt say what for....and that being homeless in london is better than Sofia.....
There is also the persistent man who follows people with a cup....he is annoying as i know he works in a garden centre locally...!!

You do not need to stop and chat to everyone for an hour. If someone says "have you got any change/coffee/sandwich/shred of humanity etc you just say "not today sorry/no sorry" with a smile whilst you continue walking. You'll find that most of the time you get a response of "ok thank you, have a nice day". It's not difficult.

How you can point blank ignore a person speaking to you and avoid eye contact and still not think you are dehumanising them is bizarre. Either you don't understand the concept or possess straight up sociopathic tendencies.

‘Try read a book?’ What’s that supposed to mean?

Someone saying they don’t perform friendliness to someone they don’t know asking them for money isn’t stupid. There are only two replies which are ‘yes here’s some money’ or ‘no.’ The first one is the one they would want to hear and that’s an answer I’ll simply never give. So I don’t see how constant rejection is any more friendly than moving on with my day. The same way if I stopped strangers in the street to talk about my problems the majority would just walk by. Because they don’t know me.

And I wouldn’t say sorry or not today because I think that implies I should be giving money but am not so need to justify it with apologies.

I've actually explained exactly what I mean in my post. I can try again because you don't seem to understand but I'm not sure how much more o can dumb it down.

There are loads of studies (these are things academics with lots of experience and degrees do) in books and journals (these are academic sources) which focus on the dehumanising aspect of homelessness (someone without a home). Those hundreds (more than 100) of studies (see above) show that people (human) experiencing homelessness (see above) experience dehumanisation from the general public (you) on a daily basis (every day)

Reading one of those research studies/books would help educate you on the issue and may help expand your thinking and empathy levels.

Let me know if you need me to tray the above again

Try*

Similar outside my local co op. A homeless man sits there most days. I occasionally ask if he'd like something and buy it for him or give him a pound or 2. Other times I just say hi as I pass. My sister got into the habit of giving him money every time she saw him and as a result is now taking a longer route to avoid him. I think that's crazy.

I was pointing out the irony of calling others stupid while writing incomprehensibly yourself.

It’s interesting that you jump right to implying others are stupid and can’t understand basic concepts just because they disagree with you on how they need to/are comfortable to deal with homeless people. Funny that you can’t just accept that you can be bright and friendly and cheerful with a hundred choruses of ‘sorry no, sorry no, sorry no’ and others can just walk by as they are invested in their own personal affairs.

Tbh, even if my ignoring someone makes them feel dehumanised, it's not my problem. I try and wear headphones and ignore people outside to the best of my ability and I shouldn't have to apologise for not giving out money to the homeless, I haven't done anything wrong and their situation is not my fault so what do I have to be sorry for? I've given to homeless.peoole before, when I feel like it. And yeah sure, being nice and smiling is free, but you know a lot of the time I don't feel like smiling fakely at strangers.

Yes, there are many studies and peer-reviewed journals available for everyone. Generally though, people only read them if they are interested in the subject. If something really interests me, I'll read non-fictional literature, but otherwise no. Do I want to finish my language revision, watch a Netflix show, or go and read an article on the dehumanisation of homeless people? The article is definitely bottom of the list.

But yeah, maybe you could ‘try read a book’ or (as I would say) try reading a book/try to read a book, and see if it possibly widens your levels of empathy towards others. Or at least drops your snotty attitude a little bit. But I would be interested in you linking to a study that says homeless people see a significant uplift in humanisation if you say ‘no’ when they ask you for money.

You’ve also not managed to answer how these academic studies that you’ve so kindly described use control subjects to show how homeless people benefit from rejection (no) over people simply continuing about their day. How does hearing ‘no’ benefit them and aid in the fight against dehumanisation? Please do link to those hundreds of academic studies that show how that works, thanks.

1. English is not my mother tongue and I'm not sure my writing is 'incomprehensible' at all, unless of course you are unable to read. Nevertheless, commenting on someone's grammar in the modern day is pretty disgusting. Heard of dyslexia? Or even different languages? Ignorance showing it's ugly head yet again.

2. it's not 'having another opinion'. A poster said they've had homeless people tell them they feel dehumanised by the general public. You along with others jumped on that and said you categorically do not dehumanise them, you just ignore them when they talk to you.

I don't need to imply you are stupid, you are doing that all by yourself. I would actually like to tell you more about your level of both emotional and intellectual intelligence but unfortunately, I could find myself banned from mumsnet. Nevermind, you've made enough of a show of yourself already.

Call StreetLink

How do you know he's homeless?

My sisters ex is homeless and he sits around sainsburys and greggs at the end of the day and they give him anything thats going out of date and have not sold. And he goes to the local homeless shelter in the evening. Thats probably why hes waiting round tescos.

Most 'homeless' people are not really homeless anyway, that's just how they earn money, then they go home to their flats.

Others, the few that are genuinely on the streets, usually have substance abuse issues, that's why they can't go in a hostel as the hostels don't allow drug or alcohol use on the premises.

Even if you give food rather than money @Sariela , it just means they have more money to spend on drugs or alcohol, which they would've spent on food otherwise, so it's the same as giving them money.

The best thing you can do is just donate to a homelessness charity.

Giving him an address for help is the best thing you did.

I've been homeless twice BTW so I do know what I'm talking about. I never begged (and never begged by implication by looking forlorn outside a shop etc.)

You've done your bit where this guy is concerned.

That's interesting. Can you post the links for these charities advising against donating food? Thank you.