Awkward situation with homeless man outside Tesco

[Sariela]

There's a homeless man who sits outside my local small Tesco. I'll sometimes say hi back to him but I never give him any money.

Last week he asked me for something to eat and I bought him a sandwich/ crisps and a drink from the shop. He was very grateful.

Most people just ignore him, I've never seen anyone give him anything (food or money).

The problem is I pass him about 4 times a day and I've kind of got myself into and awkward position of being unable to ignore him (I feel too guilty).

I don't mind buying him an odd sandwich/ snack every now and again but I can't afford to do it every day.

I've asked him if he needs any help and wrote down a number for a local charity. However, his English isn't great and I'm not sure he understood.

Wwyd? I don't want to just ignore the man. But I'm dreading waking last every time now.

I mean I get that in theory but I ‘just blank’ 99% of people I see during the day. I’m busy going to work or running to after school club or worrying about things in my life. I don’t say hello to every person I see or pass in the street. It doesn’t mean I’m dehumanising them.

OP, can you afford to be buying food from Tesco every other day? If so and you want to do it then crack on. If not then stop. Either way I think give him the number of your local shelter/soup kitchen etc, and I like the street link idea above. It’s a kind thing you’re doing but it’s not actually helping long term anyway, is it?

Or because its a safe, well lit area where he's not likely to get hurt. Personally if I had no where to go I'd be hanging around shops too. He's probably getting some escaping heat from the shop too.

OP just say hi and walk on. If he asks just say you don't have any spare money. I think getting acknowledged and spoken to is so much better than people pretending they can't see you.

Your local council will have probably implemented their Severe Weather Emergency Protocol (or similar name) - I think it comes into action once the temperature falls below freezing.

Homelessness Outreach workers will be aware of rough sleepers or homeless people and will likely have already spoken to him.

It is worth bearing in mind that, for whatever reasons, sometimes people don't want to access help, but it is definitely out there and they really do want to offer help and support.

I've had to use the food bank recently for first time..I have a child...looking at my cupboard and fridge...I take the food .I got harden now to those outside Tesco ..my DD needs the food more. Please don't feel guilty and only give what you can. Given every day lunch is alot

I got into exactly the same position and found it really difficult, and it did make me change my route. I don't give to anyone now, but I've set up a monthly direct debit to the local homeless charity in our town, and I donate to the food bank each week. I figured that they would be able to use my donations in the most effective way and it avoids feeling awkward. I still hate just walking by, but hopefully I'm doing something to help.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · Today 17:41
First remember he is sat there because e knows he will niggle someone's guilty bone.

Then remember that there are charitable organizations in every town and city that will be able to help him access the things he really needs.

So yes. Check if you have a Streetlink and if not what you do have. You should be able to find it quite easily, they don't hide. Homeless in Xx usually does it.

www.streetlink.org.uk/

And don't feel guilty or in anyway obligated. You have no idea what his needs are and you can't endanger your own finances, especially when there are professional organisations set up to help.“

This. I’ve heard several interviews with charity heads who say please don’t give people food: it can actually deter them from seeking help from services who can help them in several ways or point them to other appropriate providers.

I had a very awkward exchange with a homeless person recently. A chap was sitting outside Greggs when I went in, and so I offered to buy him something - he asked for a bottle of Coke. There was a massive queue as it was lunchtime. When I got out I handed the man his drink…only to find out it was a different man sitting in the spot!! I don’t know who was more confused, me or him

It's just the fact that he asks for food and not money that gets me. I hate to think of him sitting out there in the cold, hungry, with everyone ignoring him.

I go past so often because the shop is only a few doors down from my flat, so every time I go out or come home I walk by it.

I tried to just say hi, but he says he doesn't want money and just something to eat. I feel horrible just walking away. And as I said, I've never ever seen anyone else stop for him 😞

I've filled in a form online with his location etc.

I'd find it awkward too and would go a long way round to avoid him...sorry not helpful.

Walk on the other side, go a longer way?

It's weird the amount of people who think that there are all these services to help. I mean these services are overwhelmed with homeless people in need. And it's fucking freezing outside.
Don't just walk past homeless people, being friendly costs nothing even if you've nothing to give, just because someone is homeless doesn't make them non existent

Contact your local authority and ask if they have a rough sleeper outreach team. It might be called something else but most have a system where an employee is responsible for trying to assist street homeless people. There are often soup kitchens and direct access hostels that they can access. ( I used to work as a homeless officer)

As it's so cold, wear a hat and mask, he won't even recognise you.

To be fair that is probably the perfect answer!

I don't understand why you've got into this habit of interacting with him to such an extent. Are homeless people somewhat "rare" where you live? If I walk down my street, there are 4-5 known beggars either sat around with a cup, or walking around actively asking people for change. I just ignore them, at most I'll put change in one's cup on the odd occasion that I have some. Making no eye contact and ignoring them does seem "cruel" but it's one way of not being sucked in to buying them things or giving money you don't want or can't afford to give.

I also have a small Tesco on this street with a homeless man... I've seen a woman buying him things before, now I'm wondering if it's you!

Thinking about it, is ignoring a homeless person when you walk past any different to walking past a non-homeless person sat on a bench and ignoring them? We don't say hi and a smile to every person we see on the street, I tend to try to ignore the majority of people.

I’m going to guess he is dwelling on you less than you are on him. We have a very persistent Big Issue seller here and he always makes out he knows you which I used to find quite confusing and upsetting (“oh it you! Nice to see you again” type of thing), it made me think he was actually keeping a note of when I walked by and it made me very uncomfortable but I’ve realised that it’s just what he says to everyone and it’s not specific to me.
Report him on Streetlink, smile and say hello.

@Sariela if he wants food, take him something from home? He could have a honemade sandwich every day fior the price if a shop bought one.

"these people" how disgusting

I’ve just asked this but to no answer. It isn’t dehumanising or ignoring someone not to go out of your way to talk to them if you don’t know them.

Plus not sure about the pp who says even if you don’t give anything you should ‘be friendly.’ How is it helpful to someone who says ‘please buy me food’ if I reply ‘no. Have a nice day!’

I mean maybe it’s just where I live but I genuinely don’t make any remarks or attempt friendliness at random people I pass. Especially not if they’re asking me to buy them food several times a day - in that case I think being bright and friendly would just be random and a bit odd.

I got into this with a Romanian Big Issue seller. I had to turn really cold and hard and avoid eye contact now and pretend i do not see her. I also ignore (apart from a quick "hello, sorry no change") to these folk. It's really annoying - I genuinely am low on money. I do not want to be asked for money by them every single tine I go to my local high street (few times a week!). Good luck OP. Take the longer route till New yr and then clean break for thr new yr.

Considering that the poster who mentioned the dehumanising aspect has been specifically told that people experiencing homelessness feel this way by those in the situation, I'm not sure what point there is to your comment? You don't feel homeless people are dehumanised despite them saying they do? Maybe try minimising their experiences even more and tell them you've decided they shouldn't feel that way. I'm sure that will help them feel better.

The answer, I imagine (and I hope you're being inflammatory and didn't actually struggle to think of this by yourself) is that you may not say hello to every single person on the street but people who are sitting on the floor, cold, wet and hungry may feel detached from society and totally alone. They may go days or weeks without speaking to anyone and feel completely isolated. When people are aware of their situation and still hurry past them without so much as a glance, especially if they try and make eye contact themselves, it can be dehumanising. Even the language used by people on this thread such as "these people", "try avoid eye contact", "beggars" and I'm sure comments about drug use and alcohol which will soon be along dehumanise people.

Good grief there is no wonder we have such callous, selfish and empty headed people in society. If you are really really still struggling to understand how a person could feel that way try listening to Another Day in Paradise by Phil Collins. Maybe a famous person explaining in rhyme will help with your understanding 🙄

I don’t struggle with understanding. I just don’t think that it humanises someone any further to be bright and friendly while refusing to give them money. I ignore almost everyone - I am full of my own problems and worries, and don’t see it as my job really to humanise everyone I pass on the street. I do volunteer and regularly (when I can afford it) donate to food banks, but I don’t see it as my job to be friendly to strangers who are asking me for something. I am not callous or empty headed in the slightest - I just don’t see it as my job to stop and perform appropriate friendliness to everyone who asks me for something in public.

You just smile and politely say "sorry, not today"