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AIBU?

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Original poster

Staff xmas drinks - is this a cf thing to do?

219 replies

Botox30k · 08/12/2022 05:00

Light-hearted but... still irritated

Works Xmas do tonight. I'm the team line manager, but not paid massively more than the rest of them. I think - and they say - I'm a decent boss who protects them from pressure

Have bought thankyou Xmas gifts for all (15) , also thought I should offer to buy the first drink.

Most people standard large glass of wine etc, one cheeky git ( stood at bar and so placed his order direct, I was just stood with card) - a large glass of red with a double brandy chaser. His drink alone was £20

I'd never do that - diet coke thanks and I'd buy my own expensive drink later!!

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 08/12/2022 05:04

‘Just say, I offered a drink. One drink. What if everybody else does the same as you…’

Call him out directly on it.

Quincythequince · 08/12/2022 05:05

Having said that, if you’re offering a drink, don’t just expect people to get a diet coke. He sounds tight, but actually, so do you.

Morph22010 · 08/12/2022 05:06

I think it’s fair enough to order the drink you’d usually drink if you were buying yourself, so I don’t think someone is being a cf for not going for a diet coke. A large glass of wine or a double brandy would have been ok if that’s what they drink but drei drinks is taking the piss

Morph22010 · 08/12/2022 05:06

*two drinks

Billybagpuss · 08/12/2022 05:08

Unfortunately if you offer there’s always the possibility of an idiot doing that.

ToDoListAddict · 08/12/2022 05:09

I'd say that's CF territory but does remind me of my work's Christmas do years ago when myself & colleague were sharing a bottle of Prosecco and our manager asked if we wanted a drink.
We said, oh don't worry we're on the Prosecco - it's expensive, but he insisted.
Brought us a bottle to share, then moaned for moans later about how expensive our drinks were 🤣
He was on nearly quadruple our salaries though so we didn't feel guilty 🤣

Ffsmakeitstop · 08/12/2022 05:09

He's a greedy fucker and I'd be telling him that.

Grimchmas · 08/12/2022 05:15

You could/should have said "no chance, cheeky fucker!" there and then. Brazen cheeky fuckery like that can absolutely be called out with the same level of brazen boundaries.

Lesson learned.

Nor is it reasonable to expect anybody to do the diet coke thing that you described you would do.

(Also twenty quid for a double brandy and a large glass of wine?! Blimey the price of drinks in my head must be terribly out of date!).

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2022 05:44

You just stood there and let it happen and added it to your bill? Huh? Surely you would have said ‘oh Bill, that’s too funny, just so you know the initial round is on me, standard drinks only if you want to revise it and then get that after?’.

ittakes2 · 08/12/2022 05:45

i am guessing he thinks you have offered because you are putting on expenses since you are manager

alasangne · 08/12/2022 05:49

Next time call them out even in a jokey way. Haha no Fred just a standard glass of wine.

Or get a couple of bottles next time?

Original poster
Botox30k · 08/12/2022 05:49

@ittakes2 no... public sector....paying personally

Thanks all. Lesson learnt

OP posts:
BarbaraWoodlouse · 08/12/2022 05:51

Yes he was a CF. Wine only people were not. Are you sure they realised it was your personal cost? Over the years I’ve seen managers make this kind of gesture but it’s clearly been assumed by some that they will claim it back somehow. Not they it excuses CF but some people go a bit crazy - like a “free” bar at a wedding.

Judgyjudgy · 08/12/2022 05:51

Quincythequince · 08/12/2022 05:05

Having said that, if you’re offering a drink, don’t just expect people to get a diet coke. He sounds tight, but actually, so do you.

He was cheeky, but you're cheap if you expect people to only get a diet coke

crumbsneverdid · 08/12/2022 05:55

ittakes2 · 08/12/2022 05:45

i am guessing he thinks you have offered because you are putting on expenses since you are manager

Yes, he probably thought you were expensing. Still greedy of him, but not the same as if he thought it was coming out of your pocket.

alasangne · 08/12/2022 05:59

Oh and I agree no one is going to go for diet coke unless they don't drink

Original poster
Botox30k · 08/12/2022 06:12

Thanks all. Just to stress my diet coke comment was lighthearted...no problem at all with standard drinks it was this piss taker only that I found cheeky!

I really like my team, I just always struggle a bit with the unspoken assumption that you're made of money just because you earn about £50 more a month (and work all the hours, and take all the grief!)

OP posts:
cherriegarcia · 08/12/2022 06:16

It sounds like the main issue is that you are underpaid for your job. If you have that much more responsibility then there should be more than £50 a month difference in your salary.

I had this in my job as well and I pushed back until they raised my salary because it was ridiculous extra pressure for no reward.

Metabigot · 08/12/2022 06:16

I'd have just got the wine and not bought the chaser.

I bet he'd not have questioned that in front of his colleagues but if he'd said 'where's the other drink' I'd have loudly called him on it.

'TWO drinks Brian? You wanted TWO for yourself?'

Or something equally humiliating.

ComfortablyDazed · 08/12/2022 06:19

Yes he’s a complete and utter CF - you should have just bought him the drink and left off the chaser.

And I know you said the Diet Coke comment was ‘light-hearted’, but it clearly wasn’t. That is actually what you thought everyone should have ordered, which is just bizarre, unless your colleagues are all 11.

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 06:20

Did they all buy you drinks back?
I'd feel uncomfortable with my manager buying a huge round for that many people if I knew they were paying for it out of their own pockets but unless I was told that I'd assume they'd been given a 'Christmas party kitty'

Morph22010 · 08/12/2022 06:22

ittakes2 · 08/12/2022 05:45

i am guessing he thinks you have offered because you are putting on expenses since you are manager

Even if it was on expenses he’s still a cf, expenses doesn’t mean it’s free, someone is still ultimately paying for it

Undertheoldlindentree · 08/12/2022 06:25

I wouldn't do it, nor would any decent colleagues. Most would appreciate the gesture and not want to take advantage - so a single coke/beer/wine.

Is the over-orderer somone who is difficult to manage in the team, or grumbles about you behind your back? If they're trying to make a point, they won't just be doing it at the Christmas party.

BringOnAutumn · 08/12/2022 06:25

YANBU but did he know that you were paying personally? He might have thought is was company paid. You should probably have told hime one drink only. Next year, don’t do any of this, then you can’t get upset.

EmmaDilemma5 · 08/12/2022 06:27

He was a CF.

But that was very generous of you. A gift and a drink? If have just got everyone a card thanking them for their work. You aren't obliged to get adults gifts