Staff xmas drinks - is this a cf thing to do?

[Botox30k]

Light-hearted but... still irritated

Works Xmas do tonight. I'm the team line manager, but not paid massively more than the rest of them. I think - and they say - I'm a decent boss who protects them from pressure

Have bought thankyou Xmas gifts for all (15) , also thought I should offer to buy the first drink.

Most people standard large glass of wine etc, one cheeky git ( stood at bar and so placed his order direct, I was just stood with card) - a large glass of red with a double brandy chaser. His drink alone was £20

I'd never do that - diet coke thanks and I'd buy my own expensive drink later!!

large glass of red with a double brandy chaser

Well, that is two drinks by anyone's standards; some might say three as the brandy was a double, so clearly a CF.

Exactly this. Perfectly put

If the rest of the team are decent people, they will realise you were doing a nice thing and CF took the piss; particularly if he's one of those pricks that drones on about he got one over on the boss. You will probably end up with more goodwill from the rest of the team because of it.

You are very nice to get presents too - the only Christmas present I got in the public sector was when I reported directly to a guy on a 6 figure salary and even then he bought us a bottle of supermarket wine each! There were only 3 of us!

The OP said it was public sector. Everyone would know it was coming out of her pocket.

I hear you. I'm also a manager in a public sector role & in a similar position. For the most long-standing staff members, who are also on a more advantageous pay scale that existed pre-recession, there would be very little difference in their salaries & mine, even where I'm a few grades more senior. It's absolutely never considered.

You do a good job for your team and that is enough. It’s nice that you got individual gifts but I wouldn’t have done that. If there’s a communal area with tea and coffee I would have got some snacks to go there. For the drinks I wouldn’t have got a round. I would have said that everyone pays themselves for what they have. If you get costs paid for the team then spend only up to that amount. No way would the £20 drink be something I’d pay for myself. Check who that person is and keep a check on other cf behaviour they might have at work.

Turn this into a positive - it's made you realise it's time to negotiate for a pay rise.

He was a complete CF. Managers often don’t earn much more than their staff. In some cases, they actually earn less - this happens in the company I work for (due to legacy salaries). I don’t think it’s necessary to buy your team a gift and a drink at all. If there are any gifts or drinks on offer, they should be given company-wide by management, not left to individual team leaders.

YANBU he must know it's not on expenses. I wouldn't expect a present and a drink from my line manager. Just do gift next year & then you know what to expect.

It's quite bad taste on his part whether it's on expenses or not.

I don't know any boss who buys presents and drinks from their own money

Anyone in a public sector role would be doing this, if they wanted to buy gifts at all.

I'm in a public sector role in Ireland. My organisation can barely buy sweets as a token at Christmas, for staff to share - they can't contribute anything eg to a Christmas lunch.

For years I bought my team a small gift each, which I went to a bit of effort to organise. It went mostly unremarked on, and as a single parent, I'm on a very tight budget, so I stopped. This year I'll leave a box of nice chocolates for them to share at their desks & a card.

I do have to get my senior admin person a gift (customary) which really irks me as she has been a nightmare all year, performed really poorly, and I've had to discuss options with HR; she's a few years off retirement so we are reluctant to do too much ... So I'll still be paying money I don't really have to get her a nice gift. 😖

I also don't know any boss/manager who only earns 50 per month more despite having more hours and more responsibilities

I lead a team, and have a fair amount of responsibility. My colleagues are paid on a slightly lower pay scale than me, but due to different arrangements pre-recession & some long-standing public service increments, my senior admin person would be on not much less than me.

Public. Sector.

This isn't an option!

Really rude and greedy. If you're being bought a drink you order what everyone else is having (beer or wine) and you keep it to one drink, not one plus a double spirits.

Reminds me of a kid I took out last week with my kids who asked for the steak. I said no, and told him politely that when someone else is buying you dinner you don't order the most expensive dish on the menu. But he's 12. Sounds like your colleague never learned that, or doesn't care.

Or in much of the private sector either.

You could have stopped at the presents. That would have sufficed in my opinion.

I would hate to thinknof any manager of mine paying out of their pocket for 15 drinks plus presents like this. Unless they were on a massive salary.

I would assume that would come out of expenses as why would someone spend hundreds of their own money like that just before xmas

You sound like a passive aggressive, people pleasing, pushover.

Op you sound like a good person. Going forward I personally would stop buying individual Christmas presents for your team. It really isn't expected in the private sector.

In my last promotion I got a £14 a month take home payrise for far more responsibility and accountability!

Just on the bright side…. If he spent the evening drinking red wine and brandy he’ll most likely have a bitch of a hangover 🥴

I think you sound like a great manager and this person was definitely a CF.

Given you're public sector and they would have known you were paying out of your own pocket and I suspect, due to published pay scales, will also know you aren't paid a significantly higher salary than them, I would be really suspicious that there was an element of deliberate disrespect involved.

Obviously you know the employee in question and I don't but if it was one of my team I think something like this might subtly change my opinion of them. I think with teams you tend to know who is loyal and can be relied upon when the chips are down and something like this would shed a little bit of doubt in my mind.

What a horrible thing to say 😡

It's true, it does sound like OP is trying to 'please people'. But not in the mean way you've described - she genuinely wants to do something nice for her team.

That said, I realised that I had to stop doing similar, as while I wanted to do something kind, they didn't care or appreciate it, and I couldn't afford it.

That’s incredibly greedy!
Three drinks, and two of those Spirits?

Cheeky Fuckery at it’s best!

It was a lovely thing to do - but don't do it again! I can see the gift gesture. But let them buy their own drinks!! Did anyone buy you a drink back?

Offer for free to a group and you have to take control assuming there will be a cf.

We used to take staff out for lunch and there was always one that would have the most expensive dishes- didn't matter what it was. But we always had the choice to give a budget beforehand, had we wanted to take control.

You do have to assume there's a cf out there. As others say, they may even think its going on expenses.

Can I ask your colleague's age? Because I hate to say it but when I was in my 20s I would absolutely ordered the most expensive drink on offer! I cringe at the CF'ery of much younger me.

🤯