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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staff xmas drinks - is this a cf thing to do?

219 replies

Botox30k · 08/12/2022 05:00

Light-hearted but... still irritated

Works Xmas do tonight. I'm the team line manager, but not paid massively more than the rest of them. I think - and they say - I'm a decent boss who protects them from pressure

Have bought thankyou Xmas gifts for all (15) , also thought I should offer to buy the first drink.

Most people standard large glass of wine etc, one cheeky git ( stood at bar and so placed his order direct, I was just stood with card) - a large glass of red with a double brandy chaser. His drink alone was £20

I'd never do that - diet coke thanks and I'd buy my own expensive drink later!!

OP posts:
HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 08/12/2022 08:13

@EarringsandLipstick wow, I was not doubting it exists, but I guess it sounds like such a bad deal (earn £50 more but be expected to spend £300 or so on drinks, food and presents) that I can't imagine people accepting this "promotion"

But I am free lance, not public sector

I guess the Public Sector job pays off in the end, with excellent pensions, right? (My pension is tiny by comparison)

I just feel sad when people are expected to buy presents and drinks from their own money. I'd not be up for that at all. It would really sour it fir me OP, Yanbu. No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. What a wanker.

ButtonSister · 08/12/2022 08:16

Easy to tell the posters who don't work in the public sector. 😀
Perhaps in the new year you could have a "concerned" chat with him about his apparent alcohol problem 😀

ButtonSister · 08/12/2022 08:19

Public sector pension might on the whole be better than private sector but for most who work in the public sector they're not that great. And you're starting off from a lower base of lifelong earnings so less opportunity to feather your nest in the first place. And these days job security isn't great either.

LaughingCat · 08/12/2022 08:22

😲😲😲

He would have got the levellest of stares from me for that. I wouldn’t have the stones to do that!

Sonyrecording · 08/12/2022 08:22

When I was a public sector manager I did buy the first round on our Christmas outing, but not presents as well. I can't visualise a situation where I wasn't in control of what was ordered though. It was either we were sat at a table and I'd ask what they wanted, or we were all at the bar having just arrived. So at the point where a double brandy was ordered it would have been easy to say "Wine on me, you'll need to put your hand in your pocket for the brandy" and kind of laugh it off. But lesson learned eh?
And how long did it take for some pillock to start on the pensions digs? WTF has that got to do with this?

EarringsandLipstick · 08/12/2022 08:22

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 08/12/2022 08:13

@EarringsandLipstick wow, I was not doubting it exists, but I guess it sounds like such a bad deal (earn £50 more but be expected to spend £300 or so on drinks, food and presents) that I can't imagine people accepting this "promotion"

But I am free lance, not public sector

I guess the Public Sector job pays off in the end, with excellent pensions, right? (My pension is tiny by comparison)

I just feel sad when people are expected to buy presents and drinks from their own money. I'd not be up for that at all. It would really sour it fir me OP, Yanbu. No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. What a wanker.

No, you're right it's not expected at all (to buy presents or drinks). It's my natural inclination, like OP, to do so, but I had to talk myself out of it!

I buy a gift for my line manager & my senior admin (resent the latter as she is fairly abysmal & does the least work 🤦🏻‍♀️ another challenge in our sector is being able to meaningfully address this!)

Yes, the perk of public sector roles (which I hugely appreciate as I worked in the private sector previously & endured much uncertainty) is stable employment & guaranteed pensions.

(Plus, working in the public sector - education in my case - aligns better with my own values than in a for-profit role)

butterfliedtwo · 08/12/2022 08:23

You should have said something at the time. And stop buying them so much with your own money.

Penguinsaregreat · 08/12/2022 08:23

Incredibly cheeky.

WeepingSomnambulist · 08/12/2022 08:24

You actually really have spent the difference in salary on xmas presents and drinks for them.

What are you thinking? That's just really financially irresponsible.

It's public sector. They know you're not earning much more. Stop trying to flash the cash when you dont have it.

Next year, get them each a wee box of chocolates for a couple of pounds and a card to thank them for their work. No drinks or other gifts.

SillySausage81 · 08/12/2022 08:29

He was a CF, but in that situation (if he made the order while you were in earshot), it was so brazen that I think there'd be absolutely no rudeness in saying "oi you cheeky sod, I said one drink, not two!" in a laughing tone.

LaughingCat · 08/12/2022 08:29

PS: to pick up on other points, also public sector manager here and I’ll be putting £100 in to the meal next week before we split the bill (we have team members who don’t drink so I feel that’s more fair, as well as protecting me from CF’s like that guy! There’s only five other staff in the team, so it’s a good reduction on their meal but potentially still cheaper than getting a couple of rounds in for everyone, in London). I get paid around £70 a month more than I did as a non-manager and no, the pension isn’t great. Those disappeared around ten-fifteen years ago sighs

ilovesushi · 08/12/2022 08:29

Maybe he thought it was on the company rather than out of your own pocket? At least it was just one person out of the 15.

Forgotthebins · 08/12/2022 08:32

You are buying your team much too much - presents and booze from your own purse. And as people have said, the team probably don’t even appreciate those gestures as they think it was expensed. You are gaining nothing from your generosity- just stop. Next year just don’t spend anything that isn’t in the Christmas party allowance from your organisation. And if anyone queries the fall in standards just say “oh I’m a bit skint this year.” And get yourself a pay rise! £50 extra to manage a team, what a laugh, know your worth woman!

bibbiddybobbidyboo · 08/12/2022 08:36

I wouldn't be going for works Xmas drinks and ordering two drinks that were complementary ...but then I also Wouldn't be ordering a Diet Coke!

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/12/2022 08:39

When I worked in the public sector and our boss was just bringing a couple of tins of quality street, and that would be it. There were no individual presents or drinks bought.

Sonyrecording · 08/12/2022 08:40

How many times to people who have worked in the public sector have to point out that nobody would think this was "expensed"?

Brefugee · 08/12/2022 08:42

That is very cheeky and tbh i would have said at the time that i wasn't paying for the brandy.

The protocol i always work by, and so does pretty much everyone i know, is that if you offer to buy a round they can order their usual, but that if someone is buying you a drink and your usual costs 20 quid - you don't order that but something more near what everyone else is ordering.

Fleurdaisy · 08/12/2022 08:44

Downright nasty behaviour from him ( does he have an alcohol problem maybe?)
Id have said to the bartender charge the wine to me, his brandy’s on him.

WisherWood · 08/12/2022 08:45

I'm also stunned at the idea anyone would think this was on expenses. A. no. Just no. Anyone in public sector or charities knows that alcohol is never put on expenses. B. even if it were, so what? It's no less cheeky, you would just be robbing a different person.

I really like my team, I just always struggle a bit with the unspoken assumption that you're made of money just because you earn about £50 more a month (and work all the hours, and take all the grief!)

Next year, just stick a box of quality street in the break room. If anyone queries it, say Brian drank you out of house and home last year and you're not doing that again. I hope there's some ultimate payoff in terms of career progression, otherwise I'd be going back down a rung and taking a side hustle to make up the other £50. It would be less hassle.

Namechangeagain000 · 08/12/2022 08:45

As a team we typically call those people out both on the night and in the office the next day

nonevernotever · 08/12/2022 08:46

There are always some. I'm public sector too and it's pretty much expected that those of my grade and above will contribute in some way to everyone else's Christmas meal. the last precovid one cost me so much though that this year I arranged a discussion with the other seniors in my new team. The pre Covid one it was expected that we would pick up the alcohol bill. My share was £260. (So three months worth of the difference between my salary and the next grade down). This year we've agreed we will each put £60 in at the beginning to be taken off the total Bill so that it's not only the pissartists that benefit. It's a much smaller team too so should work out as about £20 off the bill for everyone.

Blossomtoes · 08/12/2022 08:49

Intheflicker · 08/12/2022 07:50

You sound like a passive aggressive, people pleasing, pushover.

And you sound like a nasty piece of work.

ButtonSister · 08/12/2022 08:55

"You are buying your team much too much - presents and booze from your own purse. And as people have said, the team probably don’t even appreciate those gestures as they think it was expensed. You are gaining nothing from your generosity- just stop. Next year just don’t spend anything that isn’t in the Christmas party allowance from your organisation. And if anyone queries the fall in standards just say “oh I’m a bit skint this year.” And get yourself a pay rise! £50 extra to manage a team, what a laugh, know your worth woman!"

You don't work for the public sector do you?

Tattoovirgin · 08/12/2022 08:57

I’d be shocked at the price and also be left wondering if they had an alcohol problem.

BarmyArmy22 · 08/12/2022 09:05

My DH runs a company and this is standard for some staff to get doubles etc.. as they are not paying & see it as a free bar. DH gives out a fairly generous Christmas bonus £300-£500 that should help pay for Christmas, provides a Christmas do (meal/drinks etc for staff AND their partner), bottles of wine or flowers & gets thanks from some staff and not a word of thanks from others. Unfortunately some people just see it as something they are due or are ill-mannered and never learnt to say thank you.

You sound like a lovely line manager. It's been a shitty year, cost of living etc rising (for everyone, I understand you too) but just try and feel good about it that you've looked after your team and hopefully they will appreciate that & you.