To be annoyed at both of them?!

[teenagestress]

I'll try to be as objective as possible but I'm still really annoyed about the stress this has caused me unnecessarily. I've NC for this.

Sorry it's long!

Basically, DD (16) had a football match after school today. I work a 10 hour day on a Wednesday, not leaving work until 6pm. DH (DD's step dad) doesn't work Wednesdays as he looks after our toddler on this day. DH agreed with DD this morning (I overheard the conversation as I was getting ready to leave for work) that he would collect DD after her match. He asked her what time it finished, she said 5pm. DD could easily get the bus, by the way, but she doesn't like to as it's 30 mins away. So DH agreed to collect her, but I heard him say "it might be just a little after 5 as I'll be giving toddler her tea". DD said ok, fine.

Fast forward to 5pm. I get a call at work when I'm buried in stuff to do, from DH. He says he was almost at the school to collect her (we live 30 mins away so he'd set off at 4.30 for her as per their agreement), when he received a text saying "match is finishing later now, can you get me at 5.45 instead". Bearing in mind DH has toddler in the back of the car, and this change of plan meant he then would have had to sit for 45 mins at the school trying to keep toddler happy, entertained and warm, while he waited for DD, then another 30 mins to get home after that. Toddler's bath time is 6pm so that would have been pushed back too, etc. He replies that he can't do this and she will need to now get the bus home in light of this change of plan, as he needs to get toddler home and bathed etc for bed. Also that it's not reasonable to expect him to sit with toddler in the car for that length of time.

DD becomes really upset, saying she's not getting the bus home because she doesn't want to, why can't he just wait for her. Etc.

I tell DH I'll call her and tell her she needs to get the bus. She is 10 mins walk from a bus stop where she is, and it's well lit and busy area etc.

DH turns round and drives home. I call DD (bearing in mind I'm at my desk with work to do and could have really done without being pulled into it all), and tell her she will have to get the bus. She starts crying saying it's unfair and why can't step dad just collect her as planned. I say because the plan was 5pm and that's now almost an hour later, and that's not convenient for toddler. She says it's not her fault the time changed, I say I understand it's not her fault, however you could very easily get the bus since it wouldn't be fair on stepdad or toddler to sit and wait almost an hour. I then say I have to go as I have work to finish.

She then sends me 15 texts in the space of 30 minutes, saying "it's not fair", "I'm stranded now", "why can't he just come and get me", etc. I had to take my phone off my desk out of view as it was so distracting and I had work to finish.

Eventually she got the bus, and we arrived home roughly the same time. But I'm sat here fuming with the both of them because:

1. why did DH even need to drag me into this? Could be not just have dealt with it himself and told her to get the bus, instead of calling me at work to resolve it?

2. why is DD so unable, at 16 years of age, to walk 10 mins to a bus stop ... and why does she feel the need to bombard me with texts as if this is somehow now my problem to solve from my desk at work?

Disclaimer: I'm exhausted and burnt out in general, and had a long day at work, so maybe that's clouding my judgement.

But AIBU to be annoyed at the bloody both of them right now?

Agree with this

@Bellaboo01

Why would she be tired at just gone 5pm!?

The timeframe was 5-5.45. By 5.30 certainly she is starting to tire from the day. She's 1 and a half. 🤷‍♀️

Her usual bedtime is 6.30-7 ish. So yes, by 5.30 she's starting flag. In the same way I would be flagging at 9pm, an hour before my bedtime.

I honestly hope you feel better too. It is so horrible to feel like you are trying so hard to please everyone but, end up pleasing no-one.

But, also the fact, that you name-changed for this post and your name was 'teenagestress' instead of 'husbandstress' or 'toddlerstress' speaks volumes.

No buggy with him at all? That was really unwise, you never know what might happen when you are out, you should remind him to always take it in case of something unexpected happening.

No, we have two. He did have the small buggy in his car. But not the warmer pram with the foot muff etc. That would have been in the garage as we would only take that one if we were expecting to be outside in the cold for any length of time.

Last post @TerraNostra

@Bellaboo01

I take your point about the name change but I already responded to that earlier. DD did cause me the most stress of the two of them, with the multiple messages and emotional guilt trip when I was stuck miles away at work and really busy myself. That was the cause of most of my stress with the entire thing.

As an aside, I don't know why I'd have chosen "toddlerstress" as a username when she is the only person in the entire scenario who hasn't caused me any stress! She was the only one I was speaking to when I got home last night

I only gave examples of 3 of the texts I received but there were 15 in total. One of them along the lines of "great so I'm just stranded now, you two are all I've got! Thanks for that"

Was that level of drama and emotional blackmail absolutely necessary? We are not "all she has got" when it comes to transport options. There are buses, too.

So she picked emotive language to really get to my core. As if I'd abandoned her in a field miles from home with no money or means of getting back, ffs. It was ridiculous.

Is this actually a serious comment!!??

You have a bedtime?

If this is an 'actual thing' then surely your 16 year old would also be 'flagging' after a long day at school, after school activities, walking to the bus, quite a while on the bus etc. She must have been hungry, flagging etc by the time she got home. And that is also forgetting that she probably has homework every night too as i know my daughter who is 16 has loads as doing A-Levels.

Fair enough. Two buggies-fancy!

Hope you get your job situation sorted out, sounds unbearable.

On the face of it, it looks like your toddler takes priority over your 16 year old. It also looks like you are all very governed by bath times and bed times rather than understanding that just sometimes things don't have to be to the plan!

Also, your DD was left to make her own way home (which isn't a big deal, but she was supposed to be collected), and then got home to her Mum not speaking to her. I dont know, it all sounds a bit off....

All of that seems fairly typical of a 16 year old feeling a bit pushed out. I know that doesn’t make it any less annoying for you. Do you think if you were less stressed generally this would have upset you less though? With my DC if they were blowing my phone up with messages like that I’d have just turned my phone off. It wouldn’t have bothered me beyond that and I certainly wouldn’t be thinking about it the next day.

@Bellaboo01

Yes it is an entirely serious comment, my 1.5 year old has a routine and we stick to it as best we can.

With regard to my own bedtime, that was an example, obviously 🙄

For fucks sake.

Where the fuck have I said I wasn't speaking to her?!

If you're referring to my tongue in cheek comment about my toddler being the only one I was speaking to as she was the only one hadn't annoyed me, followed by the clear emoji, then me thinks you have no sense of humour whatsoever 🤷‍♀️

@TerraNostra

Not really fancy! Just that we needed a smaller, lighter weight buggy for her over the summer to take on holiday abroad with us! So now we have two.

She’s 16. She’s still a child. She’s hormonal. She’s got a new sister who’s being placed above her in her eyes. You don’t need to expect adult maturity from her just because there’s a younger child on the scene now. I do feel that you’ve been quite unfair to your teenaged daughter.

Yes you said you weren't speaking to her. I have a great sense of humour thanks, but considering this wasn't a laughing post it didn't register to me that you were joking about that comment but not the rest.....sounds like you need to grow up a bit coming on here and slating personalities because someone hasn't agreed with you.

Of course i understand when you have a little one that you need to have a routine BUT...... you also have a 16 year old who's needs have to also be considered and made to feel as important as the baby.

I'm jumping off now but, you asked and i am saying that i would have never done what you guys did. I also work full-time and i make sure (along with my partner) that everyone is (to a certain degree) is completely covered etc. Maybe just leave a bag in the car with spare gloves etc so that you don't worry about your little one not having gloves or a hat.

@Herejustforthisone

Have you heard of humour? And the use of emojis to express that in written form?

@Herejustforthisone

The context to that comment if you read correctly, is that someone observed that I didn't choose "toddlerstress" as my username. I replied that, well why would I, she's the only one who caused me no stress at all in this situation... followed with a (clearly lighthearted), in fact she was the only one I was speaking to

Clue: the makes it a joke.

@Herejustforthisone as expected your personality is now being questioned too! Ridiculous. Comes on Mumsnet, says some shit, doesn't like the responses so starts questioning people's personalities!

😂

Yeah.

Cos I haven't been on the receiving end of my own personality and parenting being absolutely torn to pieces😂

You should have seen some of the disgusting vitriol about my deleted from this thread last night @GemBemWem.

I'm not going to sit here while strangers tear strips off me when they know fuck all about me.

And it's also not my fault some people can't detect humour, particularly where this has been clearly communicated with the use of emojis🤷‍♀️