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Original poster

To think I should have to look after her sick child?

341 replies

Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 18:08

My friend asked if I could pick her child up from nursery as she’s working a long shift. I agreed. Got to the nursery today and they told me her mum dropped her off saying she is sick, so if they need to call they can call her. They tried calling all day and no answer from her even though I’ve spoken to her today.

Shes now at my house, very chesty, she’s been sick, she’s falling asleep and says her tummy hurts. I have a younger child and we have just gotten over a horrible week of illness. Mum doesn’t finish work until 9 tonight despite my texts to say she needs to pick her up as she’s not well she apparently can’t leave 😡

OP posts:
Tangerineartichoke · 08/12/2022 05:15

I have a feeling the OP will still be willing to help her out with child care. She would have burnt that bridge with me.

PriOn1 · 08/12/2022 05:51

Hope you and your family stay healthy, OP. What a horrible situation all round. I wouldn’t be doing her any more favours after this though, so she’d have shot herself in the foot if it was me. Remaker, you sound like a great sister.

Bigbadfish · 08/12/2022 06:51

She clearly did have access to her phoen as she was messaging OP after the nursery had been calling. She's lying ro your face.

ButterCrackers · 08/12/2022 07:07

I wouldn’t have collected the sick child from the nursery. Not the legal guardian and it’s not my paid job it is a favour but the child’s mum didn’t give full information. I’d have said no to the nursery and let them deal with the situation.

carmenitapink · 08/12/2022 07:29

Who needs enemies when you have friends like the women on this chat.

Insane that people would call social services claiming neglect when the child is perfectly safe and a struggling single mum is trying to put food on the table.

One of the reasons it's so hard in the U.K. is because there's zero community spirit which is evident here.

Child clearly wasn't that sick if the nursery accepted her. Nurseries call at the drop of a hat to ask you to pick up your child.

OP even has her partner there to look after her own child, and it sounds like the first time this has happened, so I find it disgusting and indicative of how women don't support each other that so many would call social services in this situation.

If the woman lost her job being sole income, would OP be chipping in to help her financially.

This thread has annoyed me so much as it really shows women often can't win! No comments about the father who f'd off!

carmenitapink · 08/12/2022 07:30

ButterCrackers · 08/12/2022 07:07

I wouldn’t have collected the sick child from the nursery. Not the legal guardian and it’s not my paid job it is a favour but the child’s mum didn’t give full information. I’d have said no to the nursery and let them deal with the situation.

Aren't you a delight.

You don't do mates a favour ever?

Has shocked me how incredibly selfish the average woman on here seems to be!

carmenitapink · 08/12/2022 07:32

Trifecta · 08/12/2022 03:51

I’m in the US, a teacher. I had a student arrive on the school bus and vomit as he exited the bus. He told me his mom knew he was sick but sent him across town on the bus anyway. Mom then didn’t answer her phone all day. The poor child spent the day in the school nurse’s office then had to return home on the bus. Some parents aren’t fit for the role.

Aren't fit for the role... or prioritise keeping a roof over their kids' heads.

I can only assume lots of you on here live in an affluence or benefits bubble.

Mammyloveswine · 08/12/2022 07:33

Who was going to get her after nursery?! As presumably nursery isn't open until 9?!

ButterCrackers · 08/12/2022 07:34

carmenitapink · 08/12/2022 07:30

Aren't you a delight.

You don't do mates a favour ever?

Has shocked me how incredibly selfish the average woman on here seems to be!

Show quote history

I don’t let others take advantage. I help many people but I’ve learnt the hard way how to deal with cf people.

lovenotwar149 · 08/12/2022 07:36

Oh dear!! My kids are all adults now but I have experienced this kind of behaviour from mums when my kids were younger. I hope you won't 'help' your friend out again!

ButterCrackers · 08/12/2022 07:37

Not at all. I just sort out plans for different situations. I don’t have family to help. You have to think of what could happen and find a solution. Treating those properly that help you is crucial. Not expecting people to risk their families or jobs to make your life easier or just functional.

lovenotwar149 · 08/12/2022 07:40

Treating those properly that help you is crucial! Well said!

carmenitapink · 08/12/2022 07:42

Mammyloveswine · 08/12/2022 07:33

Who was going to get her after nursery?! As presumably nursery isn't open until 9?!

I think OP has arranged to watch her until 9pm (but hadn't been told the child was sick!)

Shinyandnew1 · 08/12/2022 07:43

She said she had no calls at all

From you? From the nursery?

That’s just so unbelievable. She’s outright lying! She would have burnt her bridges with me for childcare here, I’m afraid.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/12/2022 07:47

One of the reasons it's so hard in the U.K. is because there's zero community spirit which is evident here.

Hard to build community by lying and putting people you’re meant to care for at risk of illness. OP was playing a kind part in offering this woman community and this is how she’s been treated. If her kids get ill do you imagine this woman will offer to have her poorly kids while she works? No? So then it’s not community spirit she’s after, it’s one way favours.

SafeMove · 08/12/2022 07:53

Stressed, desperate people don't think straight or make good choices. It's coming up to Christmas, this woman is obviously trying to make up for lost shifts, in her head this shift might get her DC at least one Christmas present.

The OP's friend was in the wrong but I would be the last to cast stones as I have been a lone parent, with zero money and some of my parenting was poor. Real grinding poverty combined with relentless lone parenting and insecure income/work causes issues for anyone. I defy anyone to be in that situation and be rounded as fuck and get it all right. OP wrote 'No dad' on the thread and everyone just accepted that and vilified the mother. We should be saying 'Where is the dad? How can men just walk away from their children and leave women in desperate situations?' instead of tearing apart a woman we don't know anything about on the internet.

THisbackwithavengeance · 08/12/2022 08:08

SafeMove · 08/12/2022 07:53

Stressed, desperate people don't think straight or make good choices. It's coming up to Christmas, this woman is obviously trying to make up for lost shifts, in her head this shift might get her DC at least one Christmas present.

The OP's friend was in the wrong but I would be the last to cast stones as I have been a lone parent, with zero money and some of my parenting was poor. Real grinding poverty combined with relentless lone parenting and insecure income/work causes issues for anyone. I defy anyone to be in that situation and be rounded as fuck and get it all right. OP wrote 'No dad' on the thread and everyone just accepted that and vilified the mother. We should be saying 'Where is the dad? How can men just walk away from their children and leave women in desperate situations?' instead of tearing apart a woman we don't know anything about on the internet.

Well said!

Easy to vilify others when you don't work because you're supported by a DH or the State or have the kind of job when you can ring your boss and tell them you're not coming in today.

Some of the overreactions on here to someone who is a "friend". I'm glad I'm not friends with some of you if that is how you would treat a friend in need.

Mamansparkles · 08/12/2022 08:16

I'd have been furious OP. It's all very well saying she might be desperate and needs to work, but so do most parents using nursery, and so does the OP.
She has knowingly put other families at risk and then they will have to miss work. Posters saying anyone who thinks it's wrong is privileged, living in a bubble etc are wrong. It's the exact opposite- we can't afford all our children to get sick because of cfs like this and then a dozen parents have to take time off, risk being fired etc. And then what, do the same next time their child gets sick, spread the bugs more? Nursery closes because the staff are all sick?
OP ends up sick herself, then her kids get sick, she ends up in trouble at work? If the mum is struggling she should be all the more aware this could happen and not do such a shitty thing to a friend.

BustyLaRoux · 08/12/2022 08:21

Some of the reactions on here disgust me! What world is it when someone assumes this woman isn’t even working but probably out with some man she’s met!? I mean WTAF??!!!

WimpoleHat · 08/12/2022 08:24

If her kids get ill do you imagine this woman will offer to have her poorly kids while she works?

I thought this too. The OP has been treated appallingly here. I wouldn’t help her again after this; wouldn’t trust her at all. What about the OP’s kids? Presumably they don’t want to be throwing up the week before Christmas?

ButterCrackers · 08/12/2022 08:28

BustyLaRoux · 08/12/2022 08:21

Some of the reactions on here disgust me! What world is it when someone assumes this woman isn’t even working but probably out with some man she’s met!? I mean WTAF??!!!

I wondered if she was out with a partner. It’s the no explanation to the friend about the sick kid and not taking calls from the nursery.

BustyLaRoux · 08/12/2022 08:36

ButterCrackers it wasn’t your comment I was referring to. A PP said they “wouldn’t be surprised if she was out with some bloke she’s met”. Though if you’ve also surmised she probably wasn’t even working, then frankly shame on you as well!

teenagestress · 08/12/2022 08:38

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/12/2022 07:47

One of the reasons it's so hard in the U.K. is because there's zero community spirit which is evident here.

Hard to build community by lying and putting people you’re meant to care for at risk of illness. OP was playing a kind part in offering this woman community and this is how she’s been treated. If her kids get ill do you imagine this woman will offer to have her poorly kids while she works? No? So then it’s not community spirit she’s after, it’s one way favours.

This!!

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 08:42

SafeMove · 08/12/2022 07:53

Stressed, desperate people don't think straight or make good choices. It's coming up to Christmas, this woman is obviously trying to make up for lost shifts, in her head this shift might get her DC at least one Christmas present.

The OP's friend was in the wrong but I would be the last to cast stones as I have been a lone parent, with zero money and some of my parenting was poor. Real grinding poverty combined with relentless lone parenting and insecure income/work causes issues for anyone. I defy anyone to be in that situation and be rounded as fuck and get it all right. OP wrote 'No dad' on the thread and everyone just accepted that and vilified the mother. We should be saying 'Where is the dad? How can men just walk away from their children and leave women in desperate situations?' instead of tearing apart a woman we don't know anything about on the internet.

110% this!! Well said

AllOfThemWitches · 08/12/2022 08:44

Poor little girl :(

Hope you and your child manage to avoid it, sounds horrible.