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Original poster

To think I should have to look after her sick child?

341 replies

Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 18:08

My friend asked if I could pick her child up from nursery as she’s working a long shift. I agreed. Got to the nursery today and they told me her mum dropped her off saying she is sick, so if they need to call they can call her. They tried calling all day and no answer from her even though I’ve spoken to her today.

Shes now at my house, very chesty, she’s been sick, she’s falling asleep and says her tummy hurts. I have a younger child and we have just gotten over a horrible week of illness. Mum doesn’t finish work until 9 tonight despite my texts to say she needs to pick her up as she’s not well she apparently can’t leave 😡

OP posts:
Original poster
Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 22:38

She said she had no calls at all, which I doubt but hey it’s done now.

I always planned to have her child until 9pm today, she does juggle quite a lot. Sometimes family will stay for a week or two to help her with childcare. She then takes more shifts on then. Usually she finishes within nursery time during the week which enables her to work

OP posts:
allboysherebutme · 07/12/2022 22:51

What awful parenting.
I would not be surprised if she wasn't even at work today and was off out for the day with some bloke she's Met.

Rosebel · 07/12/2022 22:52

Stillprocessing · 07/12/2022 22:00

@Rosebel have a sit down and a glass of wine dear, better yet ask your husband to bring you one.
Whilst you’re at it, have a word with yourself, to include thinking beyond your myopic view of the world.

I think I need a glass of wine being on this thread.

Time to hide it - OP you’re a good friend.

Can tell you have never worked with children. It's a piss take expecting nursery or your friend to look after a sick child.
We are all humans and we get sick too. Nursery has been on its knees this week because parents bring their sick children in and then staff get sick. We may well be closed on Friday which is going to affect lots of parents not just me.

NicLondon1 · 07/12/2022 22:56

You have done a really kind thing OP, I'm sure the Mum is really appreciative. Sounds like she is in a hard situation and you've been an amazing friend.

Suffrajitsu · 07/12/2022 22:58

Zone2NorthLondon · 07/12/2022 22:36

I can go hours and not have access to my personal phone at work,it happens

Surely if your child is sick you would make sure it doesn't happen, or else not leave your sick child at nursery?

FuckMyLife2022 · 07/12/2022 23:01

allboysherebutme · 07/12/2022 22:51

What awful parenting.
I would not be surprised if she wasn't even at work today and was off out for the day with some bloke she's Met.

Why, because she’s a single parent? Give your head a wobble.

DunkingMyDonuts · 07/12/2022 23:01

You are a great friend @Crunchycooki thank you for helping one of my fellow single mums.

Hope you dont fall poorly though xx

BatshitBanshee · 07/12/2022 23:10

Hope you stay well OP and don't get sick.

I don't think I would believe the no calls thing... I find it very very hard to believe that a mother drops her child off at nursery knowing she's unwell in the morning and doesn't think to try a quick call during the day to see how she's getting on.

Likewise I don't believe a nursery - which are sending kids home at the drop of a hat recently to stop outbreaks - wouldn't try phoning at least once. She's either daft or thinks you're daft to believe that.

janglealltheway · 07/12/2022 23:23

Very selfish. I totally appreciate that she needs to work but so do other parents who may now have to take time off to care for their children who have caught whatever her DD passed to them today at nursery. So do the nursery staff who may have caught it. What makes her job more important?

Creatingusernamesismygame · 07/12/2022 23:34

carmenitapink · 07/12/2022 19:18

Shocking posts here.

Are all of you SAHMs with no job?

Childcare in the U.K. is a mess so there are few options if your child is sick.

She might be on the brink of losing her job due to repeated absence. Ridiculous that working mums are always expected to drop everything and come and pick up their kids. We would also complain if she lost her job & started to claim benefits.

If it was super serious they would have left a voicemail which she would have listened to.

Dishonesty to her friend is the only bad part, but it doesn't warrant calling social services!

Show quote history

It’s not just dishonesty to the OP, it’s child neglect too.
yeah, childcare is tough to arrange for working mums, but you can’t just dump your kid with another adult without explaining the situation and getting consent. That’s just disgusting. Doesn’t sound like she’s even bother to check if OP has picked her child up or not. How selfish and irresponsible. Poor kid with a mum like that.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/12/2022 23:38

Seems very weird she got no calls from nursery

Why would they lie about contacting her

What does friend do for a job

Hopefully her dd will feel better tomorrow

It's must be hard to have a late finish in a job and. I childcare /family to help

Appleandoranges · 07/12/2022 23:40

I think these messages are so harsh to the mother and completely lacking in sympathy! Maybe she felt she had to work that extra shift!. It sounds like she felt she could not leave her work and is resorting to desperate measures, which were unfair on the op. I feel sorry for the mother. She can't win. She would be be called nasty names if she lost her job and went on benefits. Then it would be why can't she get a job? She's so selfish...Or if she was constantly asking for leave because of a sick child, she would be called unreliable and work shy! IT's tough. And these attitudes make it even tougher. She won't win, whatever she does. Men who pick up shifts at work till 9 pm and leave their children with others, elicit far more sympathy. She didn't do the right thing by op at all, but doubt that's because she's selfish. More likely fear of losing her job, and the need to make as much money as she can for her child - coming towards Xmas and things going up. Also she now has to look after a poorly child after working till 9 pm!

BrightSaturn · 08/12/2022 00:20

allboysherebutme · 07/12/2022 22:51

What awful parenting.
I would not be surprised if she wasn't even at work today and was off out for the day with some bloke she's Met.

What a ridiculous accusation to make.

MibsXX · 08/12/2022 00:29

BatshitBanshee · 07/12/2022 23:10

Hope you stay well OP and don't get sick.

I don't think I would believe the no calls thing... I find it very very hard to believe that a mother drops her child off at nursery knowing she's unwell in the morning and doesn't think to try a quick call during the day to see how she's getting on.

Likewise I don't believe a nursery - which are sending kids home at the drop of a hat recently to stop outbreaks - wouldn't try phoning at least once. She's either daft or thinks you're daft to believe that.

You have clearly been lucky to have never had to work for some of the total arsehole employers I have endured in the past..

drkpl · 08/12/2022 00:32

Does she work for the emergency services by any chance? They don’t get much of a chance to look at their phones while on shift.
I don’t agree with what she’s done. I had to collect my own child early from nursery today as he was sick, but I was working from home- luckily. I have family support and dp, but even I’ve had shit from work for taking time off when ds has been sick as it’s been a lot recently. I feel like no one can win, especially single working parents. I doubt she meant to act in such a way, i can only imagine she did it out of desperation. She obviously can’t afford to loose her job.

Pidgeonslipshit · 08/12/2022 00:35

allboysherebutme · 07/12/2022 22:51

What awful parenting.
I would not be surprised if she wasn't even at work today and was off out for the day with some bloke she's Met.

How nasty,you clearly don’t understand the tightrope that people have to tread on to keep their job ! Today my hairdresser was saying that she is the only employee in her salon that gets a gift at Christmas because all the other girls occasionally have to leave work to look after sick children.
what is your job BTW 🤔

BatshitBanshee · 08/12/2022 00:37

MibsXX · 08/12/2022 00:29

You have clearly been lucky to have never had to work for some of the total arsehole employers I have endured in the past..

Show quote history

What a fucking outrageous and frankly bizarre thing to say to anyone when you have no idea where they've worked or what they've been through in the workplace.

justasking111 · 08/12/2022 00:45

Primary school want multiple emergency numbers, both parents, two grandparents. Surely a nursery have your employer's landline. If @Crunchycooki had been unable to help would the nursery have been open till 9pm?

Patronus · 08/12/2022 00:49

There’s a lot that’s weird about this (like I would phone place of work in an emergency not just text) but fundamentally I’m choosing to believe that generally mum’s don’t voluntarily leave their child in nursery knowing they’re sick and/or unless they really need to work. It’s not like she was on a night out.

Fully understand the position she put nursery and the OP in. What a shame she had to because the DCs fathers seems nowhere on the scene surprise surprise - he’s not getting a roasting about choices whilst the child’s mother tries to get extra shifts and juggle childcare and sickness.

Hope you’re ok OP.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/12/2022 01:28

allboysherebutme · 07/12/2022 22:51

What awful parenting.
I would not be surprised if she wasn't even at work today and was off out for the day with some bloke she's Met.

Says rather more about you than you realise........

allswellthatends · 08/12/2022 01:32

Poor you, but poor child's mum too. She must be desperate to get to work lest she lose her job. Unless you genuinely think she's neglectful/abusive otherwise. Employers need to cut more slack. As soon as I get to be the boss vs the bossed I will find a way, I swear.

Remaker · 08/12/2022 01:57

I used to provide occasional care for my nieces and my SIL was a serial offender with dropping them off sick and then my kids would get sick.

I became very direct with her - I would text before every drop off and ask is anybody sick? It did work, I know she bitched about me being ‘precious’ but she didn’t drop them off sick again.

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 02:19

allboysherebutme · 07/12/2022 22:51

What awful parenting.
I would not be surprised if she wasn't even at work today and was off out for the day with some bloke she's Met.

Please tell me your being sarcastic

MibsXX · 08/12/2022 03:05

BatshitBanshee · 08/12/2022 00:37

What a fucking outrageous and frankly bizarre thing to say to anyone when you have no idea where they've worked or what they've been through in the workplace.

Show quote history

Not really, I truly have had to work for employers who quite frankly thought they owned you and controlled you as their employee, to the point that one foot wrong meant deductions from pay or worse threat of the sack...and with the sanctions imposed lately by the DWP, who aren't interested in childcare issues, health issues or even family bereavements, I was simply trying to point out how desperate this mom might feel trying to keep a roof over her families head and balance everything else, from my own point of view... I figure from your weirdly aggressive response you haven't as I am sure you would have fully understood my comment if you had..

Trifecta · 08/12/2022 03:51

I’m in the US, a teacher. I had a student arrive on the school bus and vomit as he exited the bus. He told me his mom knew he was sick but sent him across town on the bus anyway. Mom then didn’t answer her phone all day. The poor child spent the day in the school nurse’s office then had to return home on the bus. Some parents aren’t fit for the role.

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