To get anxious going into French shops/restaurants when I can't speak French?

[frenchfail]

I went to Paris for the first time this year, and I'm going back soon. It was my first time going abroad so I'm really not well travelled. When I was in Paris I found myself feeling really nervous going into shops and restaurants. I tried to learn a few phrases but would forget to use them or would feel too nervous to attempt to use them.

I went in a few shops and would say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' but I felt like that was rude and like I was committing an awful faux pas.

WIBU do continue to say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' or do I need to try and learn more French before I go?

Absolutely this.

Last time we were in Paris, I spoke French. Not brilliant but enough to get what we wanted. And to understand that there was no hot water in the hotel.

The Parisians we encountered were all very friendly - especially in the Metro when we couldn't find our platform.

I was at a campsite and was speaking French. The receptionist asked me for my mobile number. Which is surprisingly difficult to do when you normally say it in English and you have to slow down and get each digit into French.

Such a shame people being rude about Paris. I’ve just come back and do speak a bit of French but not all of my group did. We all gave it a shot. Most of the time they replied in English. But everyone was so friendly. The grumpy Parisian is a bit of a myth I think. And we were all over the place - touristy and less touristy parts.

Paris is stunning! Had the best time. 🇫🇷 💕

Having read a bit more of the thread now…we did always say Bonjour to start any communication and I am Scottish so maybe that explains the positive reaction we got everywhere.

We were in Paris three years ago and folk were generally tolerant with our attempts at French - though a kind lady took pity on us in the metro and translated when (just after we'd all got on the train) an announcement was made that all metro services were suspended due to the heat and we had no clue what had just been said. She was very nice about it though!

The most comedy situation I found myself in in France was in Annecy years ago when the waitress insisted in speaking English to me and I insisted on speaking French to her - my French is by no means great but I know enough to more or less get by (and definitely enough to order food) - so we had this weird conversation where neither of us would give in!

I barely speak any French but I can say good day and order bread, croissants and tarts from a French bakery. It’s not difficult to memorise what you need to say. They know immediately that you are English but if you make an effort the French are delighted. Many French people speak English and are only too happy to practice on you but I really think it’s worth giving your French a go first. It gets easier, the more you practice.

😂😂😂

I speak French but the thing that has made the most difference to my interactions in France has nothing to do with language, really. It’s the importance of acknowledging people when you enter their space. It’s a subtle but really important cultural difference. When I walk into my local shop in the UK I don’t necessarily say make of point of saying hello to the person working there when I walk in. If you do it in France (a bonjour and eye contact) I think you’ll notice that everything is immediately easier. Your instinct is to creep about and not engage because you can’t chat, but that’s a lot less polite than it is in the UK. If you follow up your greeting with a bit of English it will matter far less cause you’ve done the manners bit. A French friend told me and it’s a game changer.

Yes! This! I realised I was being perceived as very rude if I didn't enthusiastically respond to greetings in shops (be careful to get mademoiselle / madame correct too!) and my limited French was forgiven if I did that. That said on a subsequent visit I practiced ordering, greetings, directions and paying phrases and then I had another problem - they all started assuming I was French (I look quite Italian/ French) and rattling away at breakneck speed! I took it as a compliment on my French practice 😄

With the madame v mademoiselle thing do you just guesstimate their age and if you think they're over 30 you then go with madame?

Mademoiselle is now seen as an old fashioned sexist distinction (because there isn't a male equivalent), and it isn't used in official contexts, so even an 11 year old will get a letter from, say, their savings account, addressed to madame. In everyday life it is still used for little girls and madame is used when it's an adult, but there's a grey area in your early late teens/early 20s.

I think France is the most unwelcoming, snobby, rude and embarrassing country in Europe to try to speak and learn another language. I spent a year studying in Northern France and spent a lot of the time feeling anxious and embarrassed about my attempts to communicate but a least learned to have a good laugh about it with friends after. Having said that when I've been on holiday in the south it has been much easier, so it isn't the same everywhere. And I'm much more confident now. Just wanted to say I feel your pain, OP! Just have a go and try not to take it personally.

Perhaps in written Comms but I found it was still used quite a bit in rural France by women and men. I became Madame once I passed 35!

I think by people who actually give these things any thought, it's seen as sexist and avoided. I definitely was madame in my early 20s and most people in France don't live rurally.

I lived there in my early 20s. Older people (60+) called me mademoiselle, younger people called me madame. Pretty sure my bank card was mademoiselle but probably because I ticked that option.

French teacher here. While it might be nice to learn a few phrases in the language of any country you might be visiting, it's not compulsory. In somewhere like Paris, you're very unlikely not to be able to just go into shopsand use English. Besides, learning a few phrases won't really get you very far, as you won't understand the responses!

I think it's a bit unfair to assume that French people respond in English because their ears are offended by your French. It's more likely because they realise you aren't very fluent and they're trying to help and make communication easier.

I mean yeah I think it’s rude. I work retail and I’ve never experienced anyone coming up to home and saying ‘hi do you speak Turkish/polish/French.’ Other countries make that extremely basic level of effort so they aren’t seen as ignorant.

That's really not a fair comparison. English, like it or not, is the international language, and the obvious and often most useful for non-native English-speakers to use. It's taught in schools in many, many countries, and people are constantly surrounded by it (on the internet at least). And not only is it useful when visiting English-speaking countries, but also as one of the more likely languages in common anywhere else in the world.

Of course people don't ask 'Do you speak Turkish' in a shop in the UK. Turkish, like most languages, is not taught in schools in the UK. Most people in the UK have probably never heard a word of Turkish. I have certainly been asked a couple of times if I speak French though.

Dp once spoke Italian and french in the same sentence in a shop. Everyone was pissing themselves.😂

Humour is the way forward but it takes a lot of confidence to make a dick of yourself. This goes for anywhere, and many nations are not receptive to it, so expect to laugh at yourself (and cringe hard). Learn a few words of French, take a notebook and paper to draw silly pictures of what you need, have a stab at words of things that are written (so in a bakery etc). Use mad hand gestures, learn to apologise in the language , and just own it like Del Boy 😀.
You will learn a language best under pressure and in various stages of embarrassment, and for every person that makes you feel small and stupid, there’ll be a hell of a lot more that are grateful for your efforts and may even teach you a bit. Also , try duolingo.

I think they feel grumpy at the assumption that they (ought to) speak English rather than a lack of french. This is fairly well known about the French isn't it?

OP, a little effort goes a long way. Learn how to ask if they speak English in french, and perhaps how to say I am sorry I only speak very little french, in french. I find that people - generally - are receptive towards making an effort. Also, Parisians are a little unfriendly so try not worry about it, you'll never see them again!

I agree with the French teacher above. Speaking English abroad really isn't the same as speaking other languages different to that of the country you are visiting. My husband and Dutch and speaks fluent English having lived here for 30 years. He is also very good at getting by in a whole range of languages, much better than me. From his point of view, English is the natural language to turn to when people of different nationalities interract, almost independent of geographical the location. So if a French person and a English (or Dutch!) person meet, even if it is in Paris, then his assumption would be that unless it is quickly established that the English/Dutch person speaks particularly good French, then the default language is English. He would never in a million years expect a French person to speak Dutch with him, but English is totally different. He thinks that the English are just lucky to be able to devote their time to learning other subjects of their choice and shouldn't worry about not speaking other languages if they don't find that the most rewarding way to to spend their time. And he is much less tolerant than I would ever dare to be of young-ish people working in a customer-facing role who don't speak good english. I expect a lot of my colleagues who come from all over the world and speak fluent english would feel similarly.

French here. I have skimmed through the thread and some of you are quite unfair. If the same is said about Londoners you would raise hell. I think Parisians are not unfriendly, but they are not overly nice to strangers, and no fake smiles.

You are nor required to speak French, and actually some people espcially youngsters who speak perfect English prefer if you just get on with your English and not waste their time with broken French.

Anyway @frenchfail politeness is valued highly, so always say hello, please, and thanks. Don't assume people speak English, so after your bonjour you can switch to English with apologies, but if you barge into a shop and ask for a coffee in English with no greetings and no please, that bad manners.

Also as any other big city, people are busy and not at the service of tourists, so generally if you stop randomers on the streets to ask directions, you might get annoyed responses.

France is quite tricky because less people there speak English than in other places. For me it's so much initiating the speaking, I mean I can memorise a few words, it's when someone replies and I don't have a clue what they have said!

Although I have to say, like others, im that crap at languages that a lot of the time if I try and speak the language anywhere, people just automatically know I'm English and start talking English to me anyway!

Or I remember once in France, a woman asked me directions in French and my face must have said it all because she was really apologetic and then started trying to ask in English. The thing is, if I had had a few seconds to process what she had asked, and then a few more seconds to try and think of how to say the answer then I probably could have done it, but I get all flustered!

Speaking a different language if you are not actually bilingual is 99% about having the confidence to just give it a go and not giving a shit of you get it wrong, something I definitely don't have!

some people espcially youngsters who speak perfect English prefer if you just get on with your English and not waste their time with broken French.

lolz

I do not agree with the "English is the international language". There are more Spanish speakers than English speakers in the world, and assuming your language is the "international" one, and everyone must be able to speak it is arrogant.

I am Spanish living abroad, and really don't like to be asked while for directions or any other question directly in English when I am in Spain. It's arrogant, full stop.

Once I was on holiday in the South of Spain and I had a conversation with a group of UK ex- pats. They told me "it's difficult to find people speaking good enough English here" I was shocked. I said "Can you not get this is a country where people do not speak English but Spanish? Did you not consider to learn Spanish? They were actually brexiteers on top of it. So to recap: Living in Spain. Pro- Brexit. And giving out at the Spanish not speaking "proper English". Can't get worse than that. 😂

I am Spanish living abroad, and really don't like to be asked while for directions or any other question directly in English when I am in Spain. It's arrogant, full stop.

Yes it's arrogant to assume people in another country will speak your language, but it's perfectly reasonable to ask. It's totally unreasonable to expect people to learn a significant amount of every language of every country they might visit on holiday. It's also rude and passive aggressive to object to communicating with somebody in their language if you happen to speak more of theirs than they do of yours.

If a non-English speaker asked me a question in their language it wouldn't remotely occur to me to find that rude or arrogant. I would simply assume they couldn't speak English. Which is fine. If they were speaking in a language I speak at least a bit of (French, German, Spanish or Italian) then I would respond in that language. Why on earth wouldn't I? Why be deliberately obstructive to someone who's trying to talk to you? It drives me nuts when people use languages as a deliberate barrier or way of excluding people.