To get anxious going into French shops/restaurants when I can't speak French?

[frenchfail]

I went to Paris for the first time this year, and I'm going back soon. It was my first time going abroad so I'm really not well travelled. When I was in Paris I found myself feeling really nervous going into shops and restaurants. I tried to learn a few phrases but would forget to use them or would feel too nervous to attempt to use them.

I went in a few shops and would say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' but I felt like that was rude and like I was committing an awful faux pas.

WIBU do continue to say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' or do I need to try and learn more French before I go?

If you go into a shop, it can be a bit complicated saying more than Bonjour
Bonjour monsieur, dame
Bonjour messieurs, dame
Bonjour mesdames etc.

However, being English is a great way to get rid of cold callers. I just tell them the person they want is English and so doesn't speak French. Works every time!

😂 this

A colleague of mine who had lived in French speaking countries for years and had passed exams at C1 level told me that in Paris, people would scrunch up their faces, feign incomprehension, and respond in deliberately complex French, obviously intending to 'catch her out'. She said this only happened in Paris, and everywhere else people in France 'allowed' her to speak French.

If you go to a foreign country, try and learn some of the language before you go and use it when you get there.

People may notice you are not a native French speaker and may do you the favour of responding in English. This is not a reason for you to switch to English if the person that you are talking to understands your limited French. If they suggest you switch to English or if they do not understand you, it would be sensible to switch to English at that point.

Most people will not try to trip you up or pretend they don’t understand English if they can see you are making a reasonable effort to communicate in their language.

I copied the post to a French friend.

She commented that Parisiennes are rude to people from other parts of France - as well as foreigners.

I learn "please, thank you, yes, no" wherever I'm going; and always accompanied by a smile. Not ideal, but it works for me.

I lived in Paris for a few years. The better my French became the less people wanted to speak French to me. By the time I was fluent hardly anyone spoke French to me. It's a funny french thing. They don't like that English speakers assume everyone speaks English but given the opportunity, they want to practice English.

Saying ‘un comme ca’ or ‘deux comme ca’ and pointing gets you a long way

one like that / two like that

We went to Paris for the day about 10 years ago whilst visiting Disneyland. We went to a cafe and they brought over our tea..without any milk. Panic set in amongst us 😆 until I bravely piped up “Lait, s’il vous plait?”. They understood me perfectly well and it’s now gone down in our family history 😄.

100% agrée. I live in France and even my Parisian neighbours say it's very important to greet the shop staff. They say if the staff aren't visible a customer deputises and you greet them instead ! Never just bonjour, it must always be Madame etc.

Never had any rudeness in Paris and I agree the better your French is, the more they want to speak English 🤷‍♀️

Parisians can be spectacularly rude to 'Anglo-Saxons'. As a previous poster said, it's a sport. A sport they excel in. When I moved to Paris with work, my new French boss announced (in English) after a few days "we are 'orrible. We are 'appy to be 'orrible". And he was indeed a complete dick to me for at least my first month there.

It wasn't helped by there already being a visiting American in our Paris office who had a French name but didn't speak a word of French (and drank big Starbucks coffees so that was double black marks against him). I remember thinking that surely our global head wouldn't be stupid enough to send someone to Paris who didn't speak any French. Ha! Of course they would! So I was lumped in with the American when I arrived as another American (I'm actually English) who had no clue about French language or culture.

Within my first week I was criticised for my French not being good enough. Although I hadn't actually spoken any French at this point! (I shared an office with the American so obviously we spoke in English). Then the American returned to NYC and I was left alone as the only non-French native speaker in the building. So then I spoke French. What my Parisian colleagues didn't know (because they hadn't asked or given me a chance!) was that I'd previously lived in Paris and studied at Sciences-Po (very prestigious political studies university/school in Paris, famous for educating the majority of French prime ministers) and I was fluent in French. I also worked for the top French bank for quite a few years (where the working language was primarily French when I joined them) so this wasn't my first time at the rodeo. 😜My accent when I speak French is Parisian (can't have everything but....lol). Within days I was adopted by my colleagues and welcomed into the fold. They went from being completely arseholes to the most lovely people. When my global head insisted that I had to return to London, my French colleagues stamped their feet insisting "we will fight for you!". It was literally night and day with those guys. Once you're "in" they are the most loyal wonderful people ever. But they make you work for it.

Of course they were still arseholes at my leaving drinks to my expat friends who didn't speak much/any French and/or committed any social faux-pas (in French eyes). They were rude to them in French, knowing my friends wouldn't understand and then they ignored them for the rest of the evening. 😕

I'm still good friends with my former French boss and some of those colleagues. They like to test me still to make sure that I understand the 'secret French rules' (you only learn these by getting things wrong) including testing my wine knowledge (blind tastings where I have to guess the wine) and everything you can think of. I was pronounced "almost French" and "you could be French" so that's a big deal. When you're invited to their homes for dinner with the family, you know you've made it. Of course it could also be because I can be an arsehole too, in French and in English. 😛

But they just LOVE the Irish, Scots are ok but the Irish are the bee knees. Annoying (if you aren't Irish) but true

Do you need to spell it out to them that you are Irish, because it made no difference to the shop assistant who refused to speak to my aunt.

I don’t know, but apparently “Brian is in the kitchen” is a line that appears a lot, and will get you a laugh!

Strasbourg historically was part of Germany. Comparing the two is chalk and cheese. Personally, I didn’t find Parisians unfriendly. Am fluent in French and associated with / studied with Parisians.

That's just something to manage expectations! I speak decent French and great Italian. I ALWAYS say 'a little' when asked!

I agree with you. It’s not about fluency. It’s about good manners and protocol.

It’s exactly the same where I live in the Middle East.

@HundredMilesAnHour I love your story!!!!

' Say Hi' will translate in real time - speak in English and it'll say it in perfect French. Fab little app. I speak French but have used it to speak to a Ukrainian family with no English/French and it worked v well for both of us

@girlswillbegirls Thank you!! That was just the tip of the iceberg. I love the French, every little difficult bit of them. 😝I wish I was still there. One day perhaps...

I have found 'je voudrais...' (I would like...) to be very useful in e.g. restaurants. It's a bit more polite than 'I want'.

Sorry to hear that, there are arses everywhere. But I've lost count of the number of French people who have been disappointed that I am English but not Irish, or even more frequently, on learning I'm English have said something along the lines of "I've always wanted to visit Ireland" or "I've never been to England, I've only been to London but IRELAND is amazing" and my Irish friends have always had a much more friendly reaction straight off the bat. I think it's for those interactions that are further along than just "hello can I get a coffee" once you might actually get to chat to somebody. It's all clichés of course, but they get enthusiastic about Riverdance still, and St Patrick's Day and Irish theme pubs. There's a whole chain of shops called Le Comptoir Irlandais in France, and you can get Barry's Tea and loads of different whiskeys and really expensive sweaters there. More shamrocks than you can shake a stick at.

Same! Only my French isn’t even that great - rusty A level with some practice in between then and now but not loads.

Found everyone really friendly.

I mean I don’t look stereotypically English. I look Italian/ Spanish. I don’t look Dutch which was what we were asked if we were! So I don’t know if that was what made a difference?

Haha this (and I speak French well)

In the 2000s there was a series of books called Enjoy English (old version not new if anybody is curious enough to google) and the year 8 equivalent book was all about Oliver, Alwena and Shanti who went on an adventure around Deal in Kent. I don't think it was quite so widely used as Tricolore in the 80s was in the UK, but it was pretty popular. It was a good choice at the time, because pre Brexit, school trips to that area were quite easy from France, not so much now, as it's an expensive pain to get a passport, so there are fewer trips to the UK.

Just on your first point, I absolutely would learn some of the language regardless of where I'm going. It's the reason I started learning Swedish.

I suggested trying duolingo because it's free and the app asks you to speak the phrases which could help OP get past some of her anxiety about speaking French.

Obviously language learning is not the same for everyone but confidence always helps and practice can be good for building confidence.

I always make sure I know at least a couple of words at least, whereever I'm going, so hello, please, thank you, excuse me, surely everybody can do that, if you are going as a tourist, you usually have these in whatever guidebook. (Hello in Norwegian is Hallo, it's not taxing!)