To get anxious going into French shops/restaurants when I can't speak French?

[frenchfail]

I went to Paris for the first time this year, and I'm going back soon. It was my first time going abroad so I'm really not well travelled. When I was in Paris I found myself feeling really nervous going into shops and restaurants. I tried to learn a few phrases but would forget to use them or would feel too nervous to attempt to use them.

I went in a few shops and would say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' but I felt like that was rude and like I was committing an awful faux pas.

WIBU do continue to say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' or do I need to try and learn more French before I go?

@frenchfail You probably already know more French than you realise, you even use a French phrase (faux pas) in your opening post.

For shopping, you only need a few stock phrases of basic names for items and numbers of how many you want, to get started. Have a look at BBC Languages, I'm sure they will have a "Going Shopping" lesson or two, and they are free to use.

The more often you use what French you know, the easier it will get.

Bon voyage à Paris, c'est une belle ville!

They just don't like the English. They love les irlandais et irlandaises!! You see their face change every time!!

I've always found they appreciate my efforts to recall the French I took to degree level, 40 years ago...!

And I love Paris.

It astonishes me that people think it's acceptable to walk into a shop/restaurant etc in a foreign country and just speak in English. Imagine if someone walked into your local supermarket just expecting people to speak their language.
I speak French and I visibly see that I get better service in Paris than those who just speak English, and quite rightly too. I never go anywhere abroad unless I have learned the very basics at least, but generally try to learn more. I'm pretty proficient in Italian and German as well as French and English and can speak the basics of several other languages - it's rude to not make the effort.

Well, your username is fluent French for starters (you may be missing a pouff). When I speak in French (degree level) most French people in service industries insist on speaking in GCSE level English anyway. So OP, you're overthinking this.

I agree with this. I think in restaurants and cafes that get a lot of tourists ‘do you speak English?’ is a redundant question. Of course they do. To speak to their customers from China, Sweden, India, Japan and so on.

It’s not ‘ignorant Brits’ who expect to be able to use English abroad, more just the reality of more of the world travelling.

Which is actually a bit sad for those of us who like to learn a bit of the language and use it abroad. We often don’t get the chance (I’ve also had people refuse to engage with me in a language I speak very well, sometimes due to a misplaced desire to help, sometimes due to rudeness - totally recognise the pretending not to understand! Designed to put you in your place, which is the ‘ignorant Brit’), but when we do it’s very rewarding. A taxi driver in Croatia got quite emotional when I inflicted some bad Croatian on him - said he was really touched a foreigner wanted to learn it. So I think you should continue with bonjour and anything else you learn, op. Don’t feel silly!

You go in a restaurant and say 'table pour un/deux personnes' etc

You go in a shop and choose an item then go to pay for it

I don't know why you need to go in and tell them you only speak English right away?!

Realistically how much good are 'the very basics' going to do?

And as many of us have said, even when you speak the language quite well, you'll often have people insisting on speaking English with you. Which is quite discouraging and could make you wonder why you bothered.

Even if it's pronounced poorly or words are in the wrong order, it is usually appreciated that you make the effort.

Not if it slows down service though

Here is a good tip - it always works! when asked, don't say you are English. say something like Je suis ecossaise/irlandaise/ je viens de Pay de Galles. They love all us Celtic people! (don't try saying you're from USA!! doesn't work!!!)

I agree with that. I also miss being 'allowed' to try out a few words in the local language without getting weird looks and replies in English. Of course, in many ways it's fantastic that we can travel the world and reasonably expect to communicate in our own language, but it's all a bit 'samey'.

I also agree that it's not about 'lazy Brits'. Most people who've learned English as a foreign language don't feel the need to learn any other language because 'everyone speaks English'. I've had people give me puzzled looks and ask why I bother learning other languages, when I already speak English. And I guess they have a point.

I think you should try to learn a bit more, OP.

As a Welsh person, just as for the Irish, there seems to be a willingness not necessarily extended to the English.

I’ve been there! Talking to a guy in an Internet cafe in South America (this dates me). After a good half hour he said ‘So you don’t speak Spanish then?’ I was a bit stunned as that was all we had spoken and wish I’d had the presence of mind to say I spoke it a hell of a lot better than his nonexistent English. On another occasion I went into a shop and the assistants kept repeating they didn’t speak English... needless to say, I wasn’t speaking English. I left empty-handed.

My basic schoolgirl french was well received with smiles and encouragement when I was in Paris earlier this year. Many people could speak better English though so that was much easier!

It is very important to say Bonjour Madame or Monsieur when entering a shop or restaurant though. I think a greeting is expected in Paris and if you do not do this then people may think you are rude and will be rude back.

If you can manage to say “Bonjour Madame/Monsieur” , “Parlez vous anglais?” & “Merci” then you should be ok.

THIS! In Paris I felt I was being deliberately misunderstood. Honestly wish I hadn’t bothered. Much friendlier parts of France were much more accepting on my crap accent.

Everyone working in restaurants in Paris will speak French. And in most shops, at least in fairly touristy areas. Say "Bonjour", they will immediately start speaking English! And don't worry about it. English is currently the main global language - enjoy how easy that make travel.

Wow, that's a bit of a sweeping generalisation. I think of myself as a former Parisian, as I used to live there. We now live in SW France. I took my 10-yr-old DS a few years ago and not once did we encounter any rudeness - we got smiles, banter, some envy (for living near Bordeaux 😁), plenty of helpfulness. I came away loving it as much as I always have.

To fellow Brits: please, please start with Bonjour. Every transaction starts with Bonjour. We are guilty of trying to attract other people's attention by saying "Excuse me!" You will get a death stare.

I would enjoy that very much too! If she had launched into the speech of an 1880s farmer from a remote corner of Yorkshire.

My daughter and her friends were in Paris this year and found the french very rude, she said that when she spoke French ( she studied up to A level) they laughed ( her perception btw) and replied in English

Why is it rightly so? In my aunts case, she was there for her sisters funeral after a tragic accident. I doubt it crossed her mind to think to learn a few phrases. If they can speak English anyway and it’s universally used, why be an arse about it? I’ve noticed in Eurovision, every country’s representative speaks English, except the French.

I totally disagree with the people who say that the French don't like the English. This is not even in the slightest bit true. French people range from enthusiastic, to bemused, but never hostile from the outset. There's no French insult equivalent to cheese eating surrender monkeys in French. But they just LOVE the Irish, Scots are ok but the Irish are the bee knees. Annoying (if you aren't Irish) but true.
I think you are inadvertently being a little rude, lots of people have said that it is important to say bonjour and it really really is, but you must give them the chance to answer you. It sounds like you aren't. But I also think most French people would agree that Paris and Parisians are really not all that, at best. An on going source of amusement in France is this image of Paris as a romantic place, for the French, it's Venice, possibly Rome, but most certainly not Paris, which is seen by many as an expensive dump with a lunatic mayor.

I've lived in France on and off over the last 30 years. There's been a significant change in the number of people in Paris who are willing and eager to speak English, so much so that the second they can hear the slight anglophone accent in my otherwise fluent French they switch over (which is a bit irritating, but no matter). Try to deal with people under 35, they'll be much more comfortable in English.

Believe it or not, while the reaction of some may come across as snooty, quite often I think it is a question of a lack of confidence. Older people are often simply not sure enough in English to want to risk it so they turn the problem back to you. Most only had very rudimentary training, and it is quite possible still to live a full and interesting cultural and social life without having to rely on English-language books, TV, films or music. Much the same way many English-speakers can and do get through their whole lives without reading, watching or listening to anything in a foreign language.

Oh, and if you want to be truly polite, as a pp noted don't just say "bonjour", say "bonjour madame" or "bonjour monsieur".

This is it. I'm not a native English Speaker, I am Spanish. It is the effort people see in their own country tourists display, not the fluency in the language. People love to see someone making an effort.
Yes, it is rude to expect someone in their own country to speak your language and this only happens with some English speakers.
I would like to highlight that when someone tries to ask something in Spanish and the Spanish person replies in English, this is because they can hear how much of an effort the person is making and they take the courage to try their "best English" then- I know this from experience with my own friends who only try in those cases. This is sadly interpreted as rude by tourists.

Not Paris but in Brittany years ago i aske for the bill, which when I was doing my A level was L'addition. Chap scoffed at me and said that's schoolgirl French (no shit mate that's where I learnt it) you say la/le note (can't remember if masculine or feminine. Just rude - could have been nice and said a more causal way to say it is........

Switzerland they did a pretending not to understand and then in Nice I managed to dredge the word for stamp from the recesses of my brain (timbre if you are interested) in the Tabac . I felt like I deserved a round of applause -didn't get one he was very surly.

Munich this year everyone was lovely and let my daughter practice her German. I struck a blow for the "English don't learn languages" by telling the waitress in the hotel when she asked that yes child was currently studying French Latin and Spanish as well as German. I think she said something like I didn't realise you (assume you the English) studied so many languages. Well yes that is because a) you are assuming a lazy stereotype and b) English is the default language so people don;t let you try to speak the other language and c) because of b lots of things are in english so you are more exposed to English than we are to other languages.
Agree on the saying hello and goodbye in shops though, you will be immediately thought of as rude if you don't and that would affect the way I interacted with someone if they ignored me until they wanted something.

Agreed ! and I'm half French! and half Parisian!