To get anxious going into French shops/restaurants when I can't speak French?

[frenchfail]

I went to Paris for the first time this year, and I'm going back soon. It was my first time going abroad so I'm really not well travelled. When I was in Paris I found myself feeling really nervous going into shops and restaurants. I tried to learn a few phrases but would forget to use them or would feel too nervous to attempt to use them.

I went in a few shops and would say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' but I felt like that was rude and like I was committing an awful faux pas.

WIBU do continue to say 'Bonjour, do you speak English please?' or do I need to try and learn more French before I go?

Non French speaker here - went to France in half term for first time as an adult.
didn't encounter any hostility but I made sure to smile and “bonjour” to shop workers, few stocks phrases quickly googled and kept to hand - May I have a bag please, I have a reservation etc - and remember please/thank you/ goodbye.
I also found it useful to commit “I’m sorry I don’t speak French” to memory as a few people just launched into French after my initial “Bonjour” so it helped to explain my blank face 😂
I found that making an effort and being polite was appreciated.

My parents have a holiday home in SW France.

All you need to learn is a few phrases, eg if you’d like a table for two people. Please, thank you etc.

Some Parisiens (younger) from when I last visited would try to speak to me in English (even though my French is good), others (older) don’t bother and just feign ignorance.

I did hear someone in Paris talking about an English person saying “elle parle francais comme un vache espanol “

which made me snigger

I speak French fairly decently. I enjoy other parts of France. But as I said, in my experience, that’s what Paris is like…

The all important thing is to say 'Bonjour Madame/Monsieur' to the person behind the counter. Look for them as soon as you enter the shop. Do not avoid their eye or skulk round the shelves the way people do in the UK. Many French businesses are owned by the person you see behind the counter and it's the height of bad manners in France not to acknowledge them.

Then you ask 'Parlez-vous Anglais?' If they say no, don't worry. You've tried.

I think it's handy to know at least a few phrases of the language in a place you visit, enough to have some basic conversation and read road signs in case you get lost. Duolingo is good for learning languages, it won't get you fluent but it's a good place to start.

I am not sure what people mean by basic conversation but that is not "few phrases"🙈 that is way toouch effort for holidays tbh.

Basic conversation is ability to chat about weather etc.

Don't worry, I lived in France for a year and spoke ok French - almost every French person replied to me in English.

Yep! This is true. I’ve been a few times, won’t ever bother again, the attitude is just awful.

The last time I visited Paris (to meet some American friends who were on holiday there) was just after the terrorist stadium bombings. Cafe/restaurant owners were noticeably friendly when we stopped to ask directions (my French is fairly good) and in certain parts like Le Marais where we went for falafels but also saw Jewish people ( with stalls?) they were super friendly especially when my friend explained she was Jewish.

I have some Parisian friends from L’Opera, Passy and Bastille areas and they’re not rude at all.

But Paris is known for being super rude, specifically to English people. Learn some French, then you can understand the insults at least.

Yes, this! I'm not fluent but my French is definitely of a standard and understandable. In Paris they will often screw up their face and look at you like you're speaking Martian!

Yes, you’ll find people are less standoffish in shops and restaurants if you acknowledge them by saying “bonjour or bonsoir” to start with.

Egalité, franternité and all that!

If you can speak French with a Scottish accent, you'll have a red carpet everywhere you go.

I do speak French fluently but I've been to Paris loads and love it. I don't think I've encountered as many grumps as some other posters.

My experience was that a lot of the people in Paris shops weren’t unfriendly as such, but were perhaps more formal than a lot of British shops, and if you were formal and polite too at the start, you’d do fine. So acknowledge their presence by smiling and wish them a good morning etc because I think a lot of people definitely take it as a bit of an insult for someone to just glide in and start browsing, like they’re not standing there.

My French is pretty poor too, so I sympathise with feeling awkward but I’d therefore advise avoiding the temptation to try not to talk because of it.

Those sneering at the Op speaking English.
it’s clear from this thread even when you try they switch to English anyway, English is the global language and if 2 people don’t speak each other’s native language, they’ll revert to English anyway.
So it’s not the same as a Turkish person coming here saying ‘don’t you speak Turkish?’.

The only rule in France for non French speakers is that you start every interaction by looking at the person and acknowledging them with Bonjour/Bonsoir. Most people in shops and restaus in central Paris will be used to foreign language speakers and you'll get by.

If you want to learn a bit more I recommend Babbel, which is a much better app than DuoLingo.

I feel your pain OP.

If you can't speak or aren't confident in the local language, it's far better to say so in English than not say anything at all. I've had times when shop staff have spoken to me in French and I've just smiled and nodded, rather than say (in English) that I don't speak French. And that's despite years of French classes at school and as an adult - I'm still not confident enough to squeak out Je ne parle pas francais.

However I think it's extremely important to learn and use basic greetings in the language, and also to know which social niceties are important in that country. In the UK saying 'please' and 'thank you' is vital not to be seen as rude (I've sometimes found myself using 'thank you' three times in a single interaction in shops). However, in Spain I found 'Hello' and 'Goodbye' were far more important than repeated 'thank yous'. And in France too, although 'thank you' is important too.

Don't take any notice of people who say don't bother with Bonjour if you can't speak any other French. You're making an effort in their language, even if you can't follow it up in French. I often wonder if the Brits who claim French people are rude just start conversations in English without any attempt at Bonjour or asking if the person speaks English. There's a difference between launching into English expecting the locals to understand it, and asking politely if they understand English.

And it's all very well saying 'learn a few phrases' but that's no help when they reply to you and you don't understand what they've said. I once ended up in the smoking section of a Spanish restaurant because I was too embarrassed to say that I didn't understand what the waiter had asked me.

You don’t need to know the local language as a tourist. Relax.

I speak pretty good French and most shop keepers and wait staff were rude to me last time I went to Paris.

You either learn some phrases to reduce that embarrassment or you don't.

Having never tried it, I've never understood how learning phrases is supposed to work. I can see something like "get out of my way or I will punch you in the face" is self-explanatory, but doesn't most communication require back-and-forth, so what's the point of learning a question if there's zero chance you'll understand the reply?

I know phrasebooks have been a thing for hundreds of years, so I must be wrong in finding them a weird concept.

This used to happen to me a lot, but in Italy, not France.

I lived there for a few years and my Italian is pretty good, but people still insisted on speaking to me in often fairly bad English, even when the conversation included people who only spoke Italian. I think it's extremely rude, and would never dream of replying to an Italian person in Italian if they wanted to speak English to me here.

And then people complain that English speakers are 'too lazy' to learn another language.

This just isn't true. I was there recently and found everyone we came into contact with extremely friendly and welcoming.

This is why I said “in my experience”. You can’t say it’s not true 🤷‍♀️