To think my racist SIL should consider another profession?

[Adventcalendargobbler]

I’ve known my SIL (35) for just over 10 years. She’s currently at the tail end of her psychology degree, and is aiming for a career as a psychologist.

She’s a very self absorbed, braggy person anyway, and constantly use unnecessary vocabulary when talking - e.g. using really obscure scientific/medical names for things in a casual conversation.

She’s adamant that she’s going to go on to earn 80k+ as a psychologist, however she is extremely racist, homophobic, and slut shames other women.

I don’t understand how it’s possible or ethical for someone to work in that field while having such awful views of people? It’s a common occurrence for her to make awful racist slurs about people!

Do people in this field have to be assessed before being let out into the wild to do their job? I’d be devastated if I knew my therapist (or whatever it is that she’ll end up doing) was not only judging me for my race/sexual orientation, but didn’t like me because of it.

I’ve told her before that her views and comments are bang out of line, but she just calls me a bore who can’t take a joke, and “obviously” she wouldn’t say this in front of people.

AIBU to think this, or am I being a bore who should keep her nose out?

I totally agree, but unfortunately, most of the medical profession in general treat all patients like white males, so it isn't that much of a surprise.

Well she's going to be a power tripping horror when she qualifies.

Three types of folks go into healthcare.

•Ones that genuinely care.
•Folks who want to exert power over others.
• Folks who go for the higher paid professions just for the money. Plastic surgery etc.

She sounds like she's definitely a two.

Yeah, how awful to judge homophobia and racism 🙄

Sociopaths and narcs often become psychotherapists as it gives them control over others.

Ask her about the psychology of racists.

If she is as you say, she won't have many patients.

It's really not your business though. And why should you object to her using 'long words'. That sounds like inverse snobbery to me.

you think racism and homophobia shouldn't be judged?

Gosh this is a tricky one!

I think you'll get a range of different opinions here but personally I'm with you... If you have preconceptions about people based on their race, sexuality, etc and proudly wear your prejudices in front of others then I don't think a career in providing psychiatric help is for you.

Throwing in scientific terms is different though, and while it can be annoying, I would just put it down as an irritating habit. I have a relative who does something similar (uses 'big words' unnecessarily) and it's quite amusing when they get them wrong or use them in the wrong context 🤣

It depends. When you do certain jobs you sometimes have to put your own views aside. I used to work with sex offenders. Personally I found their crimes abhorrent. During my work with them I couldn’t express that and also couldn’t spend all my time thinking it, or I’d never have been able to do my job. It is possible to hold certain private views and still do your job well.

A friend of mine is a psychologist and I believe he had to have sessions himself as part of qualifying. He’s a lovely guy but has some weird views, not racism or homophobia, but just some weird ideas in general. But seems to be perfectly good at his job.

Well it's a very long old slog between completing a basic psych degree and becoming an actual psychologist, especially clinical. So I wouldn't worry too much about her getting there.

A good professional can separate their person views from their work. Hopefully she can do that.

She is extremely racist, homophobic, and slut shames other women.

I LOVE how people have called YOU judgey. Its so deliciously Mumsnet of them 😁

Is that you SIL?

It's very easy for people to hide their true selves in certain situations. She's not going to admit she's a racist or homophobic where it matters.

No police force would knowingly employ a racist officer. Yet we do have racist officers.

If she looking at becoming a clinical psychologist...it will take a few years from where she is now and getting onto the PHd is VERY competitive. I don't think the top band NHS salary is £80k. My daughter is in her final year of a psychology degree and was researching the salaries just before she did her GCSEs...she's quite a planner.

A psychology degree doesn’t get you anywhere near to becoming a psychologist, though. She is very unlikely to get onto a course, so I wouldn’t worry.

I'd have more of an issue just socialising with her than worrying about what job she wants.

Why even spend time with a racist homophobe who hates women?

Unfortunately, there are people who shouldn't be in those kinds of careers who are. I know a couple of counsellors who shouldn't be in their jobs.

Imagine outing yourself as a racist on mumsnet. What a sad little life you have

So you’re judging her for “judging” the SIL who actually judging others. The irony

I’m a psychologist and can provide some reassurance that it’s a long way to becoming qualified from where she is now and also she may change her mind when she finds out we don’t earn anywhere near 80k!

To be a CP there is quite a lot of reflective work and if her views are as strong as you say she may well
be encouraged to challenge them and if she did express them it would be very difficult for her to pass placements etc. I know psychologists who aren’t as inclusive as we’d hope but I don’t know any who are outwardly racist or homophobic - this wouldn’t align with any course values or the professions values.

Using big words is just a personal trait - sometimes a sign of insecurity and sometimes just a thing someone likes to do! Wont stop her qualifying but again a good supervisor might discourage it to prevent distancing herself from clients etc.

Someone mentioned about that they know counsellors who shouldn’t be in the job - it’s a lot more difficult to become a psychologist than it is a counsellor so there are more opportunities to be challenged along the way.

All people embarking on mental health qualifications have some sort of councilling themselves and training in putting their own views and judgement aside.

The scenario you have painted seems very straight forward, but neutrality is what is aimed for because life isn't black and white and mental health help shouldn't be given on a purity of views basis.

This means in theory a pro lifer can council a woman after an abortion, or someone who was mugged can discuss it without worrying about seeming ist towards their attacker, a natural response. A person sexually abused by a man in a woman's space doesn't have to pretend that trans women are women etching.

Bottom line is it shouldn't come into her practise, but the more pressing question is whether you want to continue your relationship or not.

Personally, I'd rather either avoid the subject or politely challenge it than go nc, but that's because I don't think people will change their minds if they feel abandoned or attacked.

Psychologists are NOT part of the "medical profession". They're not medically qualified, and they're not doctors. They do a 3 year degree a d that's it.

Psychiatrists, on the other hand, are medically qualified doctors who are registered medical practitioners with the General Medical Council and who have completed specialist medical training. That's 5-6 years at medical school (depending +/- intercalated studies), 2 years FY junior doctor, then another 8 years specialist trainee doctor, which may then be followed by subspecialty fellowship or a further post-grad higher degree, so a total of 15-18 years of training.

The 2 similar sounding but totally different occupations should not be conflated or confused with each other.

Regarding the OP, not unreasonable at all to feel that somebody with such views shouldn't be in a position to potentially wield power over people they discriminate against. If they do get a job, they may not get very far, or they may attract a particular following and make a fortune. However, I'm afraid psychology is nowhere near as heavily regulated as its medical counterpart where such views and discriminatory practices would get one struck off the GMC register. Therefore, it might not make much of a difference.

I’ve had a therapist like that, worsened my mental health, destroyed my confidence and made me more suicidal. She’ll be able to get a job in the field no problem but she’ll likely make her patients a lot worse mentally.