To think my racist SIL should consider another profession?

[Adventcalendargobbler]

I’ve known my SIL (35) for just over 10 years. She’s currently at the tail end of her psychology degree, and is aiming for a career as a psychologist.

She’s a very self absorbed, braggy person anyway, and constantly use unnecessary vocabulary when talking - e.g. using really obscure scientific/medical names for things in a casual conversation.

She’s adamant that she’s going to go on to earn 80k+ as a psychologist, however she is extremely racist, homophobic, and slut shames other women.

I don’t understand how it’s possible or ethical for someone to work in that field while having such awful views of people? It’s a common occurrence for her to make awful racist slurs about people!

Do people in this field have to be assessed before being let out into the wild to do their job? I’d be devastated if I knew my therapist (or whatever it is that she’ll end up doing) was not only judging me for my race/sexual orientation, but didn’t like me because of it.

I’ve told her before that her views and comments are bang out of line, but she just calls me a bore who can’t take a joke, and “obviously” she wouldn’t say this in front of people.

AIBU to think this, or am I being a bore who should keep her nose out?

From what you say her views are unacceptable
but that fact she doesn’t say it in front of other people means she can keep her views separate and switch it in and off

perhaps she does it in front of you just to piss u off

I find it a bit off you are focused on her using big words rather than the racism and homophobia.

Using big words is not a huge deal. Real racism and homophobia are.
I think your inability to see the difference between the two makes me judge your ability to assess accurately.

There are some great people in the profession but unfortunately many who are like the description of your SIL. Unpleasant views and behaviour is not a barrier to making it as a psychologist. However to become a practising clinical psychologist, registered with the British Psychological Society & earning the bigger salaries she will need to do a Masters and PhD with lots of unpaid work beforehand, then get some experience and work her way up. The positions are VERY competitive and your SIL will need to be extremely tenacious to make it.

"Of course someone who is racist, homophobic and slut shames women shouldn't be working as a psychologist"

That rules out a few religions from being in health etc services. While I think that the SIL shouldn't be let loose on vulnerable people, I know a lot of people (as an ex SW) who via their religion hold the same views. Part of the findings of the death of Logan Mwangi was the SWs fixation on her three way relationship. Other children have died because of cultural perceptions, or the dismissing of them. There's a racist/sexist/homophobic and ableist slant to many deaths across the M/health system. So unfortunately she isn't unique.

No, I’m sure that’s not right. Psychologist isn’t a protected term in the U.K. There have been petitions to make it so, but it is not so far. Anyone can call themselves a psychologist. Clinical psychologist or educational psychologist is different. You need the right qualifications and training for those.

@TheIrony completely get what you mean, I was just expanding on why it irritated me as a few posters flagged it as a non-issue. I agree, it is.
My focus is absolutely on her being racist, homophobic and a slut-shamer to boot.

She sounds like most other health professionals, she will fit right in

My step mother is a couples’ therapist. She was, for several years, my father’s OW, and took great pleasure in making my DM’s life a misery with daily silent phone calls, and leaving her underwear in my DM’s bed whenever DM was away for the night, before humiliating my shy and sweet DM at a social function by revealing to all onlookers that she was my father’s mistress.

I often wonder about her poor clients, particularly in regards to what sort of behaviour she is encouraging and condoning from the man.

I’d just keep your nose out if I were you and ignore her as much as possible. It’s the only way with narcissists.

Agree with @badbaduncle
I don’t think there is anything you can do about SIL really except continue to call her out on her racist and homophobic views.
It’s possible interviewing panels will see through her.

I would say the vocabulary issues you have with her may be the one thing that is unjustified. Both myself and my DH have wide vocabularies and it’s just natural it isn’t trying to show off or anything. I was even like it as a small child.

People slip up and show their true form when they think there is no come back, blood that’s thicker than water is the reason here, it’s why families can be so difficult. I had a racist FIL and I am not white, I suspect SIL is racist as well but she does not let the mask slip. In a way it’s better your SIL has because you know her true self.

You have to disentangle academic achievement with peoples personalities and opinions. If you expect all well educated people to be enlightened you will always be disappointed. My Mother had a child with a person who was not white and was disowned by her own family at one point. My FIL was an Oxford graduate, my Mother left school at 15, she actually worked her way up and retired on a managers salary in charge of about 50 people with a reputable nationwide company. I saw her tell off a group of skinheads in the 1970’s who were harassing a woman with quite severe special needs. She was exceptionally clever but just did not have a formal education.

It’s not judgy to dislike racism and homophobia FFS.
Openly making comments about race and sexuality isn’t something any of us should accept, let alone from someone in a professional position of trust with vulnerable people.

Off topic but if your example is real, then your SIL should be careful about how much she shares about her children's brain development (and other personal information) on social media.

Technology develops at an exponential rate, and you simply don't know the consequences of sharing this much information digitally and publicly in the future e.g. acceptance into university or employability.

If that all sounds like hyperbole then check out this report from people a lot more knowledgabls on this subject than me... www.forbes.com/sites/jessicabaron/2018/12/16/parents-who-post-about-their-kids-online-could-be-damaging-their-futures/?sh=2f071e427b71

I have never heard this word used anywhere outside this forum. See also, 'goady'.

Yes, I do find views like this repugnant, but also, isn't it a lucky thing that every professional can't be screened for Thought Crime before being offered a post? Keeping controversial views to yourself is one thing, but these days those in favour of Cancellation seem to want to police what's inside people's heads as well.

Thankfully, none of us can (yet) be fired for what we don't say, nor for not displaying pronouns, sporting rainbow lanyards, or announcing allyship through every symbolic (meaningless) gesture imaginable. Good thing, too, because half the UK's workforce would be out of a job if so.

*knowledable (the irony of me misspelling this hasn't gone unmissed).

If anyone had money on some other post scooping 'obliviously ironic MN comment of 2022', you can, as of this morning, kiss that fiver goodbye...

But SIL isn't keeping these thoughts to herself, is she? If she did then this thread wouldn't exist.

You saved me making this point! We don't even know from the OP what kind of psychology career the SIL is considering. If she hasn't looked into this by the end of her degree, it doesn't suggest she'll get very far in any branch of psychology. Having said that, years ago when I was the administrator for a Master's course, I had a call from a final year psychology student asking about a course we offered for mental health professionals. She asked if she would be a psychiatrist at the end of the course and seemed quite surprised when I explained that psychiatrists are medical doctors.

We have a huge muddle over who can call themselves what in the UK. As far as I know, there are legal restrictions on who can call themselves 'solicitor' or 'barrister' but not lawyer. I think there are also controls over who can say they're an architect, medical doctor, vet or dentist. Not sure about nursing and physiotherapy. Anybody can say they are an 'accountant', 'teacher', 'tutor', 'counsellor', 'therapist' or 'psychologist' even if they have no relevant qualifications or experience at all.

This is why anybody considering employing or using the services of a professional person should always, always, always check their qualifications, memberships of relevant professional bodies, current status on register of members etc etc.

But SIL isn't keeping these thoughts to herself, is she? If she did then this thread wouldn't exist.

She's presumably not in her workplace, if she's still studying. And believe me, I do sympathise with OP. I've distanced myself from an uncle I care for in many other senses, but I find his racism intolerable, particularly since having a child. He can say what he likes in his own house - which I'm sure would be his argument - but I no longer visit because I don't want my kid exposed to attitudes like this.

As to OP's SiL, if she's espousing such views openly on social media then she'll have left a digital footprint and will likely have hoisted herself. Employers, especially when taking on staff in this kind of professional capacity with care of vulnerable people, often carry out extensive online checks before offering someone a post.

SiL's working situation will take care of itself, or it won't. Given there's nothing OP can do about it in any case, her question's purely hypothetical.

I imagine the pushback you are getting from some posters is because you have not (as far as I can see) given concrete examples of what she has said or done that is racist.
I'm sure you are correct and I am not asking for examples. However, as someone who has been accused of homophobia because I don't believe surrogacy is right for babies, (for straight or gay adoptees) I can see why people might be defensive.
I've also been accused of sexism for acknowledging that men are stronger than women on a bell curve and therefore a danger.
And the obvious transphobic accusations because I don't think rape victims, hospital patients or schoolgirls should be used as validation for males with a gender identity.

Which, by the way are all things I wouldn't discuss in a professional capacity but in a more personal one like you describe.

That aside, it's entirely possible that those opposing you are just old fashioned racist homophobes, but just to give you a little perspective on why people might post the way they do.

I do think terms such as gammon being bandied about are just as bad as woke tbh and it's a shame.people can't communicate like adults.

She’s deluded if she think she’s going to walk into a job as a psychologist with nothing more than a psychology undergraduate degree. She’s more likely to end up as a manager in Aldi.

Come on own up who the 29%are who said OP is being unreasonable?

I imagine the pushback you are getting from some posters is because you have not (as far as I can see) given concrete examples of what she has said or done that is racist.

I imagine that a lot of this pushback is coming from people who have already experienced a culture of thought-policing in their workplaces.

We are in a climate in which women can legitimately be fired for looking at a man the 'wrong' way if he uses women's facilities whilst claiming he's also a woman, or for not announcing pronouns, or wearing rainbow lanyards, or of making other, very visible signals of 'allyship'. As a female I, for one, am not about to 'ally' myself with particular instruments of our own oppression: the greatest of them being regressive gender stereotypes and assumptions.

It's not acceptable to make openly homophobic or transphobic comments in the workplace (to be clear, I don't regard any of the above - not least women's safeguarding concerns - as any form of 'phobia'), and expressions of racism do and should render any employee persona non grata, and they can be disciplined for it. Should SiL express these sentiments in any working situation, she can be fired, or reported and struck off. That's good.

But it IS okay to acknowledge that we exist in an increasingly censorious culture in which all-but the most vocal, visible compliance with ideologies we might not agree with (I see certain significant issues with a lot of this censorship coming from one central place, but that's another debate for another thread), and that a climate in which police can call to 'check your thinking' is a small step away from some of the dystopian horrors prophesized throughout the 20th century. When you think about it, this isn't too great a leap.

Remember this woman isn't even in post yet. She's still studying, and if she's at university she'll be very well-versed with this type of environment.

It sounds like you’re the family SJW and your sister in law is winding you up lol

I haven't voted. But since you ask, I believe she is. That's not to say I have any wish to join the increasingly depressing and far too broad chorus of racist voices currently permeating this site - I vocally stand up against this shit - or that I don't despise attitudes like the SiL's - to the extent that I'd simply no longer associate with her. And I'd have no compunction in telling her why.

Where the unreasonableness kicks in, is in the OP's observations about a future profession her SiL hasn't even entered yet, and the way in which she believes she should be vetted. It's illegal to discriminate against a protected group in any workplace, or to treat them differently based on those characteristics. Bias is bias, unconscious or otherwise, and workplaces can and will make employees aware of this.

As long as people abide by those laws, then however obnoxious others find their views, they reserve the right to think what they like.