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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have answered this question from DH truthfully?

162 replies

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 06/12/2022 21:40

Watching TV and a character mentioned making a sex tape with a partner. DH asked if I’d ever done that. I said yes, years ago, as a young woman, and that I’d been the only person with access to the video which is long since deleted. He’s now gone off in a nuclear huff using phrases I’m very pissed off about such as “I thought you were better than that.”

Was I being unreasonable to have answered truthfully? He’s done lots of things in his past that I disagree with (and had far more sex with far more partners than me!) and this feels like a double standard!!

OP posts:
iloveruby · 06/12/2022 21:41

It is a double standard and he is behaving like a judgemental, sexist idiot.

BittenontheBum · 06/12/2022 21:42

Never ask a question you don't want the answer to....
He's a knob. You've done nothing wrong. Tell him to grow the fuck up.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 06/12/2022 21:42

Of course you're not wrong. If he didn't want to know, he shouldn't have asked

Readaboutyourself · 06/12/2022 21:43

What an insecure little man

HungryandIknowit · 06/12/2022 21:43

That sounds like quite the sexist double standard he's applying. I would be mightily unimpressed.

KangarooKenny · 06/12/2022 21:43

You should always tell the truth, it’s his fault if he can’t take it.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 06/12/2022 21:44

Sounds like he was setting you up to fail, why ask a question that he knew there was a 50/50 chance of him not liking the answer.

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 21:45

It is very likely that your sex tape is on the internet for anyone to see. I think someone has the right to be upset by that.

HealingbyFeeling · 06/12/2022 21:45

Sounds like he's annoyed you haven't made one together and is being a twat about it because it seems to have dented his ego.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 06/12/2022 21:47

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 21:45

It is very likely that your sex tape is on the internet for anyone to see. I think someone has the right to be upset by that.

Unless op put it on the internet there's no chance as she was the only one who had access to it.

Berlinlover · 06/12/2022 21:47

I would have lied to him if I was you. Whatever you did before you met him is none of his business.

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 21:50

KitchiHuritAngeni · 06/12/2022 21:47

Unless op put it on the internet there's no chance as she was the only one who had access to it.

Her ex could have made a copy and posted it online

KitchiHuritAngeni · 06/12/2022 21:57

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 21:50

Her ex could have made a copy and posted it online

And aliens could have intercepted it and made copies to show their space buddies, but let's just take op at her word and stop trying to shame and embarrass adults for doing things that you probably wouldn't.

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 22:05

KitchiHuritAngeni · 06/12/2022 21:57

And aliens could have intercepted it and made copies to show their space buddies, but let's just take op at her word and stop trying to shame and embarrass adults for doing things that you probably wouldn't.

Not sure where this has come from?? Confused I am not trying to "shame" or "embarrass" the OP - just pointing out the likelihood that it would be posted online

Goldbar · 06/12/2022 22:05

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 21:45

It is very likely that your sex tape is on the internet for anyone to see. I think someone has the right to be upset by that.

Even if this was true, surely it would be the OP (not her husband) who would have the right to be upset.

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 22:07

Goldbar · 06/12/2022 22:05

Even if this was true, surely it would be the OP (not her husband) who would have the right to be upset.

Personally I would be upset if a sex tape of my partner was online for all to see but they weren't bothered by it.

AngeloMysterioso · 06/12/2022 22:09

He doesn’t like the fact that you had fun and adventurous sex before him.

TakeMeToKernow · 06/12/2022 22:09

What a knob head. I’d be fairly stern in my response to his shit.

we honestly have a saying in our house - don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 06/12/2022 22:10

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 22:05

Not sure where this has come from?? Confused I am not trying to "shame" or "embarrass" the OP - just pointing out the likelihood that it would be posted online

Yes I'm sure saying that ops private video is probably posted all over the Internet came froma place of kindness 🙄

Op says she was the only one who had access to it, and it's deleted now, I'm unsure why you think you know better.

AngeloMysterioso · 06/12/2022 22:10

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 22:07

Personally I would be upset if a sex tape of my partner was online for all to see but they weren't bothered by it.

But it isn’t. And your insistence otherwise doesn’t make it so.

angelikacpickles · 06/12/2022 22:11

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 22:07

Personally I would be upset if a sex tape of my partner was online for all to see but they weren't bothered by it.

But it's not online for all to see. Just because you think it is, doesn't mean it actually is.

angelikacpickles · 06/12/2022 22:12

And to the OP, YANBU. Your DH shouldn't have asked the question if he didn't want to hear the answer.

OneTC · 06/12/2022 22:12

What kind of fucking idiot asks a question like that of they're gonna flip out at 50% of possible answers?!

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2022 22:12

I fear there might be no coming back from this.

doitwithlove · 06/12/2022 22:15

He should not ask the question if he cannot accept the answer.

He needs to know every person has a past.