To have answered this question from DH truthfully?

[Nowhereelsetogo90]

Watching TV and a character mentioned making a sex tape with a partner. DH asked if I’d ever done that. I said yes, years ago, as a young woman, and that I’d been the only person with access to the video which is long since deleted. He’s now gone off in a nuclear huff using phrases I’m very pissed off about such as “I thought you were better than that.”

Was I being unreasonable to have answered truthfully? He’s done lots of things in his past that I disagree with (and had far more sex with far more partners than me!) and this feels like a double standard!!

hi @Starrylight you are right and I was wrong with my post when I said people shouldn't tag my username. You are right that people have the right to disagree with me, as I also have the right to disagree with others, that was a mistake on my part. I disagree that i had a dig at the OP. I still don't personally understand where people's hostilities have come from - all I said was there was a possibility that OP's ex had put a sex tape online and all of a sudden I am getting accusations of being sex-shaming and misogynistic when I'm neither, and don't see how any of my posts on this thread reflect either of those accusations, but I guess some people on here just have their own pre-conceived opinions and steadfastly stick to them.

Keyansier is actually a “he”, I believe.

You don't have to put "he" like it's a foreign species 😂Yes, I am, I said so earlier in the thread.

HE shouldn’t have asked the question if he wasn’t prepared to hear the answer.
smoe men are more dramatic than Women?..

another person who was utterly unsurprised to learn that @Keyansier is male. and therefore can't quite bring himself to believe the OP because what she's said doesn't somehow compute with his limited world view

(...that every single time anyone's filmed themselves having sex, both/all people involved have trotted off home with their own personal copies of the film, and the OP's partner at that time was the sort of person who'd share the footage with others without her knowledge or consent)

OP: I'd also make it clear to my partner that my default position is to be as honest as possible with them - and if they react in the way you've described it'd going to leave me feeling tempted not to be so honest in future - is that really what they want? is that a good basis for any relationship?

I get accused of a lot of things but have never claimed to be a woman, and have always corrected posters that have referred to me as "she", but no doubt I will get accused of lying about that now as well 🙄

I really don't understand these responses??

I am NOT shaming the OP about making a sex tape. All I said was that there's a possibility that it's ended up online. And then everyone jumped down my throat for saying that and I don't understand why?? I'm not saying the OP should be ashamed - I don't think she should be - all I said was "oh, if you filmed a sex tape it might be on the internet"...how is that controversial or shocking? It's a completely reasonable and normal statement to make IMO.

Got to love an MRA giving himself away by mansplaining

The OP has clarified that it isn't online. Don't we have to accept what she says and move on now. She has already thanked people for their responses and 99% of this thread has nothing to do with her original AIBU.

You said it was "very likely" despite op saying it wasn't possible.

For someone who hates misogyny you're doing a great job of not listening to women and thinking you know better than women despite the fact you're very clearly wrong on this one. No point in admitting it though, you can just keep on doing what you're doing and we will all fuck off eventually and you can pretend you were right.

Huh? I'm not wanting or wishing women to 'fuck off'. If people disagree with me, then they disagree with me. That's not an issue with me at all.

All I said was that it could be likely that the sex tape OP made with her partner is online if the ex partner had a copy. I really don't understand how saying the possibility this could have happened is such a shocking or bad thing to say

So.....

first it was

It is very likely that your sex tape is on the internet for anyone to see

Assumption that it was filmed at a time when it was possible to upload to the internet and on a medium that was easily uploaded. If not, that it was saved and the medium converted years later and then uploaded. Also the assumption that the ex cannot be trusted and the OP is lying when she says that she knows that the only copy was in her possession and has long since been deleted.

She filmed a sex tape with her ex and he had the opportunity to put it online

Assumption that the ex had the opportunity to put it online and that if he had, he would have done so.

And the fact is, it's probably been uploaded online

FACT and PROBABLY in one sentence....well were do we start with that one.

But then we get the back tracking....

all I said was "oh, if you filmed a sex tape it might be on the internet"...

I love a good laugh at weapons grade stupid!

As @PyongyangKipperbang has just explained, that isn't what you said at all.

Not that you'll ever admit you're in the wrong here....

Tbh, I am not sure if there is any point posting further on this thread as anything and everything I say is getting jumped on. People still haven't been able to explain why what I said was apparently so offensive. And haven't explained how I was labelled a misogynist and sex shaming the OP from what I posted.

You said it's very likely its on the Internet, and someone has a right to be upset about that?

Nobody has a right to be upset about their partner having sex with folk before them or after. It clearly falls into the category of 'none of your fucking business'. So long as everyone is a consenting adult then we frankly make our own choices.

Everything has been explained, more than once for some parts, you're choosing not to read or take in the information.

But I don't see what is so horribly shocking or offensive to the OP as others have accused in any of those statements?

If the OP filmed a sex tape, yes, there's a likelihood that it could be on the internet, yes if she filmed a sex tape her ex had the opportunity to upload it online, and yes, if she filmed a sex tape it might be on the internet.

But people for some reason have took me saying that as accusing or shaming the OP, which I wasn't.

Nobody has a right to be upset about their partner having sex with folk before them or after

Yes they do if there are videos of their partner getting shagged about on the internet for all to see. If you don't feel that way, then that's fine, but others, like me, would feel slightly aggrieved by that.

@Keyansier
your explanation - the OP has said she was the only person with access to the footage so unless she posted it online herself it was never posted. That was explained in the first post.

"thought you were better than that"
good to know that you’ve sorted this OP but maybe your DH hoped to watch together, and was upset that it’s destroyed….

It has been explained, but to break it down.

Op said "this thing definitely couldn't have happened"

You replied "The fact is that it's very likely the thing you know couldn't have happened has, because I said so"

Therefore you believe you know better than the op about her own situation and continued to back it up over several posts.

You also think ops husband has a right to be annoyed because of an untrue scenario you made up in your own head.

Its honestly bizarre how someone can have so little self awareness.

I disagree. Partners have no right to know about your past sex life. You don’t have to tell them anything as what you did and with who is none of their business.

"I will tell women they are wrong and then be all confused when they disagree. I will double down in the face of the facts and then be all hurt because I dont understand why they think I am a misogynist....."

If it wasnt so bloody depressing, it would be hilarious.

Tbqh, this is all coming across as quite pedantic now. Feeling rather sorry for the OP who has had their thread hijacked by others with things that aren't even to do with what they asked about..

But just because I disagree with you (I assume, a woman) doesn't make me a misogynist. But if you can describe how I've been, then explain, using my words in my posts as a demonstration, please.