To think colleague should have asked if I wanted Christmas off before she booked it off?

[SulkySam]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off colleague booked this Christmas off when she had last Christmas off too? Isn’t it the polite thing to alternate having it off.

I started in role in September last year and she’d already booked off for last year before I started. Absolutely fine.

For this year she mentioned in conversation she’d booked it off, told me it had been approved as if it was fait accompli. No discussion and as it had already been approved there wasn’t much I could say! Quite pissed off manager just approved it as well.

Obviously I’ve know for a few months now but it is still making me seethe! She is an older lady, no DC while I have 5 DC including two disabled children.

Of course that doesn’t mean I have priority over her having time off for Christmas (just to make that clear before someone jumps on it) but isn’t it usual etiquette to take turns?

They have an equal claim to Christmas off, and equal opportunity to request it. OP’s job operates a system of first come first served, so yes, I think the colleague was fine to request the leave she wanted in the manner she’s always done. That OP didn’t is neither her fault nor her problem.

YABU. Do you know her plans? Just because she doesn't have kids doesn't mean she doesn't have plans over Christmas. She has every right to book Christmas off, just as you do. Having kids doesn't give you priority. It's your responsibility to make sure you book in advance seeing as you have kids. Like others have said you snooze you lose.

I agree completely, @EmmetEmma.

It’s poor management and pretty thoughtless of the colleague

It's poor management. Full stop - nowt to do with the colleague. And if the OP is as grumpy & entitled in the work place as her posts are here, I can quite see her colleague's point of view.

I feel you.
I had an argument with someone at work once because I wanted off to go to my family for Christmas after 2 years, with my father not being well (abroad) but someone needed to be off because of childcare and made mega hissy fit. So of course it was "cheesus you will work".
It sorted itself off when I came to work, announced I am flying at the end of the shift because dad got a heart attack. 😂 Well timed, sir! I provided hospital record to work😂
Bless zero hours contracts and being the good employee combo.

Op , can I clarify?
Your colleague went and booked Christmas off for the second year running, while you were off at the hospital with your child, that has now developed a life changing illness?

So if this is the case?
I assume you are devastated at this news concerning your child and are disappointed that you can't spend Christmas with them this year ?

I would say your are not being unreasonable and that your colleague is without empathy as are many posters on this thread.

Again, why is it the problem of childfree/childless people to solve?

So has your colleague been covering your work whilst you have been off re your child’s illness? Is she maybe burnt out and decided she wanted a hood break over Christmas?

It always seems to be up to women to fix everything! I'm childfree and currently off sick from work. I'm due back 28th December and being hassled to come back sooner as someone wants Christmas off for childcare. Christmas leave was sorted ages ago. I'm signed off for a reason but the easy target as I'm childfree.

@jeffgoldblum there's nothing to say that the evil, childless colleague waited till OP child was in hospital to then book christmas off as leave. It was only November that op indicated she wanted christmas day off, I don't know many places where someone who wanted christmas off would wait till a few weeks beforehand to request it and that period would still be available!

@HunterHearstHelmsley do not be swayed! You're off ill, so you're off ill!

I'm a bit surprised by how many posters don't take their colleagues children into account to be honest. Maybe I've just always had good relationships with co workers, but I've always considered their circumstances if they have children and (usually) deferred to their preferred dates when it comes to annual leave, especially in school holidays or at Christmas. I've always felt that because I don't have children I can be more flexible, so why wouldn't I be 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh, I won't! If anything, I'm more likely to ask my doctor to extend it if they carry on 😉

Which is great, because that’s your choice. The problem is when it becomes an expectation. Surely you see that it’s a problem if someone - perhaps even just once! - wants to prioritise themselves and is told that they have to consider a random set of children?

*And as for this, ‘I'm obviously a better person than her and most of you on here.’, well apart that from being an incredibly childish comment, you are really not coming across as a ‘better person’ in any way at all.

I feel sorry for your colleague really. Are you like this all year round?*

Dunno about anyone else but I'm getting a bit of a hint as to why colleague apparentlt might not want to do any favours for OP.

@HerMajestysRoyalCoven I don't think colleagues should have to consider each other's circumstances, but I think it's a considerate thing to do when you work closely with within a small team.

I don't think OPs colleague is wrong for not wanting to work Christmas whether she has children or not, but I think the fair thing to do would be to discuss it and alternate, surely?

Because all that will happen now is OP will book Christmas off as soon as possible, and it will probably get her colleagues back up. What happens the next year when they both try to book it off asap? Friendly discussion seems like a much better approach than bringing it as a problem to their managers.

Why would they need to consider their colleagues children?

choosing to do something, without emotional blackmail or pressure being applied to you, and being told/expected to do something, are two entirely different things. If you want to consider your colleagues children when it comes to annual leave then that’s on you, no one else is required to do the same.

@whumpthereitis I'm confused by your response, where did I say that they needed to or that it was a requirement? In fact, I expressly stated that I didn't think anyone should have to.

I think it's kind to be considerate of your colleagues circumstances including childcare (but also any other caring responsibilities) if you are able to be. It's really not a controversial statement to make.

This. Taking it in turns only works if people are committed to making it work. All too often they are not. Where I last worked, before we started closing down over Christmas, people would say in October that they’d be happy to come in only to have changed their minds by December!

This

You think it’s kind. Okay, cool 🤷🏻‍♀️

The point is it shouldn’t be expected.

Tell your manager early (January for example) that as your colleague had Christmas off two years in a row, so now it'll be your turn to have Christmas off two years in a row, and after that you'll suggest alternating?

at which point the manager tells her to just submit her leave in good time like everyone else. She’s got no grounds to demand her manager give her Christmas leave two years in a row, not when it’s established that the company operates a first come first served policy.