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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think something has happened to my mum?

258 replies

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:10

My mum usually calls atleast once a day, usually more. Every Tuesday she comes here for her dinner and to see her grandchildren.

I spoke to her multiple times yesterday, the last thing she said was that she was going to see her sister today but was quite apprehensive about it because she is off her meds and has been behaving strangely (she has paranoid schizophrenia) and she doesn't like going round when she's like that.

Mum's phone has been off all day, this isn't like mum these days, she's always reachable and always calling. Her sisters phone is off too.

I have a sinking feeling that something has happened to her. I don't know what to do or if I'm being irrational / prejudice or ignorant.

Would I be contacted if something had happened? I can't go down there, 3 poorly DC here and no car.

Would you be worried?

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 06/12/2022 20:25

@Pippa113 I really hope you get through soon, and that your mum is found safe and well.
A person with paranoid schizophrenia off their meds that keep people safe from harm would worry a lot of people.
“Care in the community “ leaves too many people unsupported.

Original poster
Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 20:26

Update. Mum is OK. Thank god.

She called me whilst I was still on the phone to 101. I used the landline to call her back with 101 still on the other line.

So she has been at my aunts flat all day and her phone was dead. Aunt is nowhere to be seen.

Mum has a key to aunts so let herself in at lunch time and aunt wasn't there. Aunts mobile and purse have been left on the coffee table and she wouldn't generally go anywhere without them. Mum waited about all day to see if she'd return home but she didn't, so mum went back home and put her phone on charge, saw my worried texts and VM's and called me wondering what was going on.

We're both now worried about aunt as we don't know if she has been sectioned or gone off somewhere else, so now I'm going to call the MH unit she's usually admitted to and see if she has been picked up.

The lady from 101 said she couldn't see anything on the system about the police attending aunts address but that doesn't rule out a section.

Thank you all for the handhold, what a stressful evening.

OP posts:
LemoncHello7 · 06/12/2022 20:26

SpicyFoodRocks · 06/12/2022 20:18

It would be the decent thing not to post critical or nasty messages on this thread. OP is clearly very worried and wanting support and guidance in an unfamiliar and worrying situation.

Absolutely this. She’s at home with children going out of her mind with worry… some posters are just being obnoxious for the sake of it

NameChange1718 · 06/12/2022 20:27

Glad she’s okay OP!
I hope your aunt is too

ClownFaceMagoo · 06/12/2022 20:29

What a relief op!
I hope your aunt is okay too

CottonSock · 06/12/2022 20:29

So pleased to hear this.
Ignore the obnoxious and insensitive posters.

pinkpeoniesmakemesmile · 06/12/2022 20:30

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:37

I'm on hold with 101, the automated message says there is a high call demand and directs people to report crimes and antisocial behaviour online or 999 if an emergency. It's just ringing and ringing.

There is a history of violence yes, nothing recent unless you include needing to be restrained by the police as she was going biserk and smashing up her flat.

My aunt suffers from paranoid delusions and when she gets something in her head she won't be convinced otherwise. Alot of her delusions are about people conspiring against her. I've been the target for that one myself in the past.

Still just ringing out and no answer from 101. I'm going to have to try and get somebody to have the kids and go myself aren't I.

As a Police 999 Call Handler, please dial 999. You're concerned for your mothers welfare and that justifies calling 999.

You will be asked if you have contacted local hospitals to see if she's been taken, so do that first just to be sure.

SpicyFoodRocks · 06/12/2022 20:30

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 20:26

Update. Mum is OK. Thank god.

She called me whilst I was still on the phone to 101. I used the landline to call her back with 101 still on the other line.

So she has been at my aunts flat all day and her phone was dead. Aunt is nowhere to be seen.

Mum has a key to aunts so let herself in at lunch time and aunt wasn't there. Aunts mobile and purse have been left on the coffee table and she wouldn't generally go anywhere without them. Mum waited about all day to see if she'd return home but she didn't, so mum went back home and put her phone on charge, saw my worried texts and VM's and called me wondering what was going on.

We're both now worried about aunt as we don't know if she has been sectioned or gone off somewhere else, so now I'm going to call the MH unit she's usually admitted to and see if she has been picked up.

The lady from 101 said she couldn't see anything on the system about the police attending aunts address but that doesn't rule out a section.

Thank you all for the handhold, what a stressful evening.

Oh I am so relieved for you. Thanks for the update.

Your aunt will turn up. Hopefully the police can pick her up or she will turn up at hospital. Make sure the crisis team, her GP and MH team are aware tomorrow. I don’t think you can do much more tonight.

Try and rest now.

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/12/2022 20:31

ClownFaceMagoo · 06/12/2022 20:23

I wasn’t asked any of this when I called police. I said him not being contactable was very unusual, they were happy with my judgement. They asked for his mobile number and address, that’s it.

if you have a gut feeling something is wrong, going there yourself with kids in tow is not the right option, police are professionals.

Show quote history

when request welfare checks have always been asked about
risk
whats the immediate concern eg why now?
who is at the location
If I know about pets I tell them, a big hungry dog is a factor

MichaelFabricantWig · 06/12/2022 20:31

What a relief OP. Hope your aunt is safe too x

themonkeysnuts · 06/12/2022 20:31

Glad your mum is ok, hopefully your aunt is too Flowers

AliceMcK · 06/12/2022 20:31

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 20:26

Update. Mum is OK. Thank god.

She called me whilst I was still on the phone to 101. I used the landline to call her back with 101 still on the other line.

So she has been at my aunts flat all day and her phone was dead. Aunt is nowhere to be seen.

Mum has a key to aunts so let herself in at lunch time and aunt wasn't there. Aunts mobile and purse have been left on the coffee table and she wouldn't generally go anywhere without them. Mum waited about all day to see if she'd return home but she didn't, so mum went back home and put her phone on charge, saw my worried texts and VM's and called me wondering what was going on.

We're both now worried about aunt as we don't know if she has been sectioned or gone off somewhere else, so now I'm going to call the MH unit she's usually admitted to and see if she has been picked up.

The lady from 101 said she couldn't see anything on the system about the police attending aunts address but that doesn't rule out a section.

Thank you all for the handhold, what a stressful evening.

You now know what to buy your mum for Christmas, a power bank so she can keep her phone charged!

I hope your aunt is ok x

TabithaTittlemouse · 06/12/2022 20:32

I’m glad that you got hold of your mum.

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/12/2022 20:33

i see it’s resolved in that mum is ok, aunty unknown whereabouts
hope aunt is ok dp call her MH team flag up,concern

Random789 · 06/12/2022 20:33

Thanks for the update op. So glad your mum is ok. And I hope you can quickly get news about your aunt, and that she is ok.

I think you were right to be worried. I would have been worried too, even though paranoid schizophrenia is not associated with the levels of risk to others that one or two posts on this thread seem to imply.

To the poster that said "a person with paranoid schizophrenia off their meds that keep people safe from harm would worry a lot of people", I'd like to say: anti-psychotic meds are not prescribed 'to keep other people safe from harm'. They are prescribed to reduce the enormous distress suffered by people with this illness.

LaughingCat · 06/12/2022 20:34

So glad to hear she’s ok! That must be a massive relief for you. Fingers crossed for your aunt now, as well hugs

oakleaffy · 06/12/2022 20:35

Thank goodness your Mum is OK.
Hope Aunt is safe also.

medianewbie · 06/12/2022 20:35

Glad your Mum is OK, OP. Can you / your Mum contact your Aunt's MH team ASAP plus let Police know she is missing? You handled this very sensibly imo (I've been there too) Then have a cuppa & a rest - you'll need it x

CarefreeMe · 06/12/2022 20:36

I’m glad you’ve got through to your mum and that she’s ok.

I hope your Aunty is too x

oakleaffy · 06/12/2022 20:37

Random789 · 06/12/2022 20:33

Thanks for the update op. So glad your mum is ok. And I hope you can quickly get news about your aunt, and that she is ok.

I think you were right to be worried. I would have been worried too, even though paranoid schizophrenia is not associated with the levels of risk to others that one or two posts on this thread seem to imply.

To the poster that said "a person with paranoid schizophrenia off their meds that keep people safe from harm would worry a lot of people", I'd like to say: anti-psychotic meds are not prescribed 'to keep other people safe from harm'. They are prescribed to reduce the enormous distress suffered by people with this illness.

The person they are prescribed for is a person!
Anti psychotics keep them ( and also close family) safe from harm.

ClownFaceMagoo · 06/12/2022 20:37

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/12/2022 20:31

when request welfare checks have always been asked about
risk
whats the immediate concern eg why now?
who is at the location
If I know about pets I tell them, a big hungry dog is a factor

Show quote history

Ah, It must vary then, I was surprised how happy there were to attend tbh and wish I had called earlier. They definitely didn’t ask if I had called hospitals etc, I hadn’t even thought to. In my case I’m very thankful I called police and didn’t go out there myself as sadly it was not a happy ending.

Mrsjayy · 06/12/2022 20:40

What a relief she's alright and home safe. Hopefully your Aunt is found soon. And definitely a power bank for her Christmas she can keep it in her bag.

Original poster
Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 20:52

I've just caught up with all of the replies and christ there are some nasty people about tonight.

I posted here after calling my best friend and getting no answer, I was worrying and wanted to relay it all to somebody not so close to the situation to ascertain whether I was being daft or duly concerned.

I called the police minutes after posting once I was satisfied that I didn't seem dramatic or daft.

My other reply that got deleted was a screenshot of me on the call to 101, a (now deleted) poster implied I wasn't telling the truth and it was strange I would post about it on mumsnet etc.

Thank you to everybody else who was helpful and kind, I appreciate it.

I can't get any answer from the MH unit my aunt is usually sent to so no idea whether she's been sectioned or not yet. I hope she has as we'll then know she's safe.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 06/12/2022 20:54

Good news that you're half way solved OP, hope your Aunt is ok too.

PurpleButterflyWings · 06/12/2022 20:57

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 20:52

I've just caught up with all of the replies and christ there are some nasty people about tonight.

I posted here after calling my best friend and getting no answer, I was worrying and wanted to relay it all to somebody not so close to the situation to ascertain whether I was being daft or duly concerned.

I called the police minutes after posting once I was satisfied that I didn't seem dramatic or daft.

My other reply that got deleted was a screenshot of me on the call to 101, a (now deleted) poster implied I wasn't telling the truth and it was strange I would post about it on mumsnet etc.

Thank you to everybody else who was helpful and kind, I appreciate it.

I can't get any answer from the MH unit my aunt is usually sent to so no idea whether she's been sectioned or not yet. I hope she has as we'll then know she's safe.

@Pippa113
'Christ there are some NASTY people here tonight!'

Who's been nasty? What has anyone said that is 'nasty?' Confused Apart from the ONE poster who said you were making it all up?