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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think something has happened to my mum?

258 replies

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:10

My mum usually calls atleast once a day, usually more. Every Tuesday she comes here for her dinner and to see her grandchildren.

I spoke to her multiple times yesterday, the last thing she said was that she was going to see her sister today but was quite apprehensive about it because she is off her meds and has been behaving strangely (she has paranoid schizophrenia) and she doesn't like going round when she's like that.

Mum's phone has been off all day, this isn't like mum these days, she's always reachable and always calling. Her sisters phone is off too.

I have a sinking feeling that something has happened to her. I don't know what to do or if I'm being irrational / prejudice or ignorant.

Would I be contacted if something had happened? I can't go down there, 3 poorly DC here and no car.

Would you be worried?

OP posts:
Tiredalwaystired · 07/12/2022 09:48

Gosh just caught up with your posts. What a worrying time for you all. Just wanted to send a virtual hand hold. Glad she’s in a safe place and glad your mum is ok.

SirVixofVixHall · 07/12/2022 09:51

So glad she has been found and is safe OP.

LadyEloise1 · 07/12/2022 09:57

So glad your Mum is safe and you have located your aunt.

goshdoyoumeantobsorude · 07/12/2022 10:19

Well done you handled it very well. So tough with MH issues you never know which way it may go. Ignore the nasty posters they do not walk in your shoes.
Glad you, your mum and aunt are ok.

Witchofthedales · 07/12/2022 10:33

So glad all turned out well, OP, I hope your Aunt is okay and back on her meds 💐

ClawedButler · 07/12/2022 11:09

Glad everyone is safe.

It must be torture to live with schizophrenia, I have nothing but sympathy for everyone concerned here.

Fleurdaisy · 07/12/2022 11:11

Good news you’ve located your aunt and she’s safe and in the best place to help her.
An incredibly stressful 24 hours for you but you did everything you could and in the right way to help bath your mum and aunt.

SpicyFoodRocks · 07/12/2022 11:26

Pippa113 · 07/12/2022 09:30

I've managed to locate my aunt, to an extent. She is in hospital but I don't know which ward or the circumstances that lead up to her admission as the nurse I spoke to couldn't say too much as I'm not NOK.

She did say she's safe and in good hands and not to worry, such a relief.

Oh that’s a ‘good’ outcome. Hopefully she can get some help and be a bit better for Xmas. Thanks for updating.

AdoraBell · 07/12/2022 11:33

Glad your mum is okay and aunt is being looked after.

Brew
AliceS1994 · 07/12/2022 11:33

Call police for welfare check

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/12/2022 11:38

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:15

I don't have any contact details for either of their neighbours. Ive tried calling her sister several times but the phone goes straight to voicemail like mums. I've got it in my head that mum has been hurt and her sister has been taken into police custody.

Would the police be prepared to do a welfare check or would that be wasting their time?

Absolutely not wasting their time- out of character with an unwell mentally auntie.

Something like:

My mum is not answering phone... This NEVER happen... She usually rings me at least twice daily and hasn't.

My aunts phone is turned off

She was visiting my aunt who has (unstable?) paranoid schizophrenia.

Could someone do a welfare check please as I'm very concerned for her well being.

Good lucj
Hopefully it's nothing!

Kinneddar · 07/12/2022 11:45

🙄 When a threads 10 pages long why don't people read the OPs posts to see the current situation.

Ffs both her Mum & Aunt have been traced. A welfare check was literally the first thing suggested

UniversalAunt · 07/12/2022 12:08

As @Pippa113 observation, the build up to Christmas can be very stressful - & I don’t mean the festive jollies & getting the turkey stuffed - leading to some people straying off their meds so they become more vulnerable or more unwell as the NHS stresses & support systems lighten for the Christmas break.

The seeming contradictions of acute MH services accommodating much needed holidays for staff at a time when services are maybe more heavily in demand. It’s a walking a tight rope at the best of times to be fully resourced & staffed for patients.

Good news that @Pippa113 aunt is safe & receiving treatment.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/12/2022 12:11

OP. You must have had a horrendous 24 hours.

There's nothing like this feeling of fear when a loved one is missing or in an unsafe situation. I'm so glad your mother and aunt are okay. Hope you can take some time out to nurture yourself after such a frightening experience.

Flowers
Crucible · 07/12/2022 12:53

@Pippa113 I'm thinking of you and your family and sending support and good wishes

Tweetypie27 · 07/12/2022 13:01

Hiya I’m really sorry you have been so worried I feel so much for your situation as a family MH affects you all. My dad had the same illness as your aunt has and although he never harmed me or other people he harmed himself. He went missing for a week and I kept calling the police they weren’t to concerned but after sleeping rough for a week he jumped off a high rise building in town and died he was 50 . Anyone saying you were overly anxious has no clue what it is like they are very unpredictable in an episode and I’m so glad your aunt was picked up I wished someone had looked out for my Dad and he was taken to a safe place. Anyway I’m always here if you want to talk about it as someone who’s been through this.
Always trust your instincts.

Mariposista · 07/12/2022 15:13

Well done you for trusting your instincts - your mum wasn't just having a nice cup of tea with your aunt and they lost track of time, aunt really was in trouble!
I hope she is getting the medical and psychiatric help that she needs and gets back onto her medication. How stressful for her and her family.

PassThePringles · 07/12/2022 15:23

Just checking in. So glad everything was OK in the end. Must have been terrifying. We had an incident locally with a man who had the same thing as your aunt, he did something terrible to his mother so I knew you were right to feel concerned but I didn't want to mention it when you were clearly worried.

Perhaps use this as a way to plan what would help if it should happen again, if there is anything. I'm sleep deprived so not sure if it's appropriate but things like those trackers (on the phone or air pod trackers(?!) etc) would your Auntie agree to something like that when she's feeling more stable as a precaution for future episodes of going missing? Anyway, just pleased it's a good outcome for you all.

SinnerBoy · 07/12/2022 15:47

Pippa113

Have you got the details of exactly where she is, so you can visit, once she's stabilised?

oakleaffy · 07/12/2022 20:08

Tweetypie27 · 07/12/2022 13:01

Hiya I’m really sorry you have been so worried I feel so much for your situation as a family MH affects you all. My dad had the same illness as your aunt has and although he never harmed me or other people he harmed himself. He went missing for a week and I kept calling the police they weren’t to concerned but after sleeping rough for a week he jumped off a high rise building in town and died he was 50 . Anyone saying you were overly anxious has no clue what it is like they are very unpredictable in an episode and I’m so glad your aunt was picked up I wished someone had looked out for my Dad and he was taken to a safe place. Anyway I’m always here if you want to talk about it as someone who’s been through this.
Always trust your instincts.

That’s so incredibly sad.
There is seemingly so little support for people with serious mental health issues nowadays.
People harming themselves is far commoner than hurting others .

Original poster
Pippa113 · 07/12/2022 20:21

Thank you all so much for your kind words and handholding yesterday when I was in a panic.

It's such a relief that they're both OK. My aunt is such a lovely, kind and decent person she would never hurt a fly when she's in her right mind but when unmedicated she's unrecognizable and definitely a risk to herself and others.

Once I'd ascertained mum was safe the next thing my mind went to was worrying my aunt had actually hurt herself. A long time ago she had to be removed from some train tracks, she said she has no memory of it but the rest of us do 😞

TweetyPie I'm so sorry, that is truly heartbreaking. My heart dropped when I read your post and I'm disgusted that the police didn't take you seriously given his vulnerabilities. Your dad was terribly let down and that is not OK and should never have happened. I really hope you have managed to find some peace as I can't imagine what you must have gone through. Love to you and thank you so much for your kindness ❤️

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 07/12/2022 20:26

Pippa113 · 07/12/2022 09:30

I've managed to locate my aunt, to an extent. She is in hospital but I don't know which ward or the circumstances that lead up to her admission as the nurse I spoke to couldn't say too much as I'm not NOK.

She did say she's safe and in good hands and not to worry, such a relief.

Least she is safe .I had someone in my extended family witthe same illness iy isn't easy.

kateandme · 08/12/2022 00:37

oakleaffy · 07/12/2022 20:08

That’s so incredibly sad.
There is seemingly so little support for people with serious mental health issues nowadays.
People harming themselves is far commoner than hurting others .

Show quote history

Exactly this.mental illness is always about the inner turmoil and hurting themselves.
I'm so sorry your dad was so let down.
There isn't the help and the help there is is not fit for purpose.
And mental illness is still somehow seen as the lesser one,Still stigmad.
I hope you are ok.it must have been heart breaking.

kateandme · 08/12/2022 00:42

Is your mum next of kin op?could she talk to them.
They need to support her to get back on her meds.
I hope they see fit to do this.
Christmas is alot for people.and for people with mental Illness times that alot by 100! It's often a bigger struggle for those suffering this time of year.
How us her capacity?could there be an incentive based plan to get back on them.a chri stmas treat or something?
Does she believe in herself she's better on them or still believe they make her worse or out yo harm her do you no

Jenny70 · 08/12/2022 04:02

Glad all is well, for now.
While Aunt is safe/cared for and Mum has had shock about "what ifs", time to get the ducks in a row. Ask Mumto give you her neighbour's numbers, introduce yourself to them, say they can get in touch anytime they have concerns about Mum. Has someone close by got a spare key to Mum's house?
Who is Aunt's NOK? And does she have neighbours/friends that may be useful in case of any future problems?
Hope everything settles down and everyone can relax and enjoy Christmas.