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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think something has happened to my mum?

258 replies

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:10

My mum usually calls atleast once a day, usually more. Every Tuesday she comes here for her dinner and to see her grandchildren.

I spoke to her multiple times yesterday, the last thing she said was that she was going to see her sister today but was quite apprehensive about it because she is off her meds and has been behaving strangely (she has paranoid schizophrenia) and she doesn't like going round when she's like that.

Mum's phone has been off all day, this isn't like mum these days, she's always reachable and always calling. Her sisters phone is off too.

I have a sinking feeling that something has happened to her. I don't know what to do or if I'm being irrational / prejudice or ignorant.

Would I be contacted if something had happened? I can't go down there, 3 poorly DC here and no car.

Would you be worried?

OP posts:
FatEaredFuck · 06/12/2022 20:09

Edit - sorry missed the update. Good luck.

NormalForNuneaton · 06/12/2022 20:09

As a few others have said I would phone the hospitals in the area that have an A&E dept and/or Mental Health unit.

Patients admitted with MH problems are often held in A&E for ages waiting for a MH bed to come up. Your Mum could be waiting with your Aunt

Redglitter · 06/12/2022 20:10

Icanflyhigh · 06/12/2022 20:02

Ok.
You're obviously not a despatcher anywhere local to me as this isn't how it works here.
101 is for routine non-emergencies. 999 is for things that need dealing with now i.e. emergencies.
Local SNT have always said if it is urgent and cannot wait til tomorrow 999 it - and its always be dealt with super fast, despite living on the edge of the border for the local police force.

Show quote history

You're extremely lucky the public in your area always use the right number to call. That would make life so much easier. We get calls which need an immediate response being reported on 101 & things which are non urgent, and some that happened historically called on 999.

When we get a call sent to the control room the way it was reported doesn't factor in any way the speed a resource is sent out.

MrNook · 06/12/2022 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What was the deleted update?

LaughingCat · 06/12/2022 20:10

Adding my well wishes to everyone else's…more than likely that the signal is down where your mum and aunt are but totally get why you’re worried, if she’s shown violent behaviour in the past. Hope you hear soon!

YoSofi · 06/12/2022 20:10

I really hope you hear from your mum soon, I’d be exactly the same as you in this situation.

Chances are she’s fine but you’re doing the right thing by calling 101.

ClownFaceMagoo · 06/12/2022 20:11

Police will be happy to do a welfare check for anything out of a persons usual behaviour. I called them to check on ex dh as he hadn’t arrived to collect the children as planned and phone was going to voicemail, I couldn’t get transport myself. Local police called back within 30 minutes.
I hope all is okay.

SlashBeef · 06/12/2022 20:11

I hope it's just phone trouble or something. You must be going mad with worry 😟 I hope the police can check it out for you.

speakout · 06/12/2022 20:13

Hope all is well.

Elderflower14 · 06/12/2022 20:13

Hoping you hear good news soon...

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 06/12/2022 20:14

MrNook · 06/12/2022 20:10

What was the deleted update?

Show quote history

It was a screenshot in response to the troll hunting post that's also deleted showing OP was on a call/hold to 101, and saying - I think, but not sure - that 'they' are coming to see her. Not sure if 'they is the police or someone else.

No idea why it was deleted.

LaughingCat · 06/12/2022 20:14

MrNook · 06/12/2022 20:10

What was the deleted update?

Show quote history

That they were going to call her back from what I could gather before it got deleted but it had a screenshot of her phone so must have asked MN to delete it.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 06/12/2022 20:14

🤦‍♀️ FFS!

yes OP who don’t you just put yourself (and possibly your kids) welfare in danger because your schizophrenic aunt has came of her meds and is possibly going through a mental health crisis….

I mean how very dare you to leave it to the professionals to deal with.

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/12/2022 20:16

Call A&E check if mum or aunty are admitted
call Aunty MH crisis team flag up unmedicated & in potential crisis. List recent admissions

prior to welfare check you’ll be asked what actions have you taken to ascertain what’s going on and it’ll include calling A&E.
when welfare chevk requesting notify of all risks that mum has eg physical health , notify of sister potential MH deterioration, are there any pets/animals at the location

secondaryquandries · 06/12/2022 20:17

Have you tried calling the local hospitals to see if they have either you mother or aunt in?

SallyWD · 06/12/2022 20:17

I hope all's well. Maybe she's out of battery and dealing with something?

Flamingogirl08 · 06/12/2022 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If I was that worried about my mum my kids would be wrapped up and we'd all be in a taxi. I wouldn't ask strangers on the Internet what I should do

SpicyFoodRocks · 06/12/2022 20:18

It would be the decent thing not to post critical or nasty messages on this thread. OP is clearly very worried and wanting support and guidance in an unfamiliar and worrying situation.

Sixsmith · 06/12/2022 20:18

SpicyFoodRocks · 06/12/2022 20:18

It would be the decent thing not to post critical or nasty messages on this thread. OP is clearly very worried and wanting support and guidance in an unfamiliar and worrying situation.

Hear, hear

KitchiHuritAngeni · 06/12/2022 20:20

Maybe ask in a local Facebook group if anyone in x Road could message you urgently and ask them if there's an ambulance or police outside.

Its not a nice place to be and your imagination runs at a million miles and hour. Hopefully it's something totally innocent (ie your aunts paranoia meaning she wants the phones turned off or similar).

Chocolateismyfavourite · 06/12/2022 20:21

Hope your mum is ok.

MadeForThis · 06/12/2022 20:21

Was your mum supposed to come home this evening? If she hasn't then something has changed in her plans.

Phoning for a police welfare check is a sensible choice.

If your aunt had been detained, where would she be? You could call there.

ClownFaceMagoo · 06/12/2022 20:23

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/12/2022 20:16

Call A&E check if mum or aunty are admitted
call Aunty MH crisis team flag up unmedicated & in potential crisis. List recent admissions

prior to welfare check you’ll be asked what actions have you taken to ascertain what’s going on and it’ll include calling A&E.
when welfare chevk requesting notify of all risks that mum has eg physical health , notify of sister potential MH deterioration, are there any pets/animals at the location

I wasn’t asked any of this when I called police. I said him not being contactable was very unusual, they were happy with my judgement. They asked for his mobile number and address, that’s it.

if you have a gut feeling something is wrong, going there yourself with kids in tow is not the right option, police are professionals.

knittingaddict · 06/12/2022 20:24

I get it op. My mil had severe mental health issues for decades and could be dangerous too. In the circumstances you describe my mind would have been running riot too.

knittingaddict · 06/12/2022 20:24

Hope your mum and aunt are both OK.