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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think something has happened to my mum?

258 replies

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:10

My mum usually calls atleast once a day, usually more. Every Tuesday she comes here for her dinner and to see her grandchildren.

I spoke to her multiple times yesterday, the last thing she said was that she was going to see her sister today but was quite apprehensive about it because she is off her meds and has been behaving strangely (she has paranoid schizophrenia) and she doesn't like going round when she's like that.

Mum's phone has been off all day, this isn't like mum these days, she's always reachable and always calling. Her sisters phone is off too.

I have a sinking feeling that something has happened to her. I don't know what to do or if I'm being irrational / prejudice or ignorant.

Would I be contacted if something had happened? I can't go down there, 3 poorly DC here and no car.

Would you be worried?

OP posts:
Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:37

I'm on hold with 101, the automated message says there is a high call demand and directs people to report crimes and antisocial behaviour online or 999 if an emergency. It's just ringing and ringing.

There is a history of violence yes, nothing recent unless you include needing to be restrained by the police as she was going biserk and smashing up her flat.

My aunt suffers from paranoid delusions and when she gets something in her head she won't be convinced otherwise. Alot of her delusions are about people conspiring against her. I've been the target for that one myself in the past.

Still just ringing out and no answer from 101. I'm going to have to try and get somebody to have the kids and go myself aren't I.

OP posts:
WhatInFreshHell · 06/12/2022 19:37

DarkKarmaIlama · 06/12/2022 19:16

Call the police, with your mothers diagnosis they will absolutely do a welfare check. If she’s off her meds she could be very vulnerable and it’s so cold out there.

It's the aunt with paranoid schizophrenia, not the OPs Mum.

Swissnotswiss · 06/12/2022 19:39

Where's "down there"? Is it close enough to go round if you can find someone to look after the kids?

Schnooze · 06/12/2022 19:40

I think that would be best.

caramellattelove · 06/12/2022 19:40

Really hope your mum and aunt are okay op x

berksandbeyond · 06/12/2022 19:40

I would be concerned too in your shoes. I hope you manage to get through to the police soon. As an aside, I would happily sit with any of my friends kids if they had something like this going on so don't be afraid to ask people for help Flowers

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 06/12/2022 19:40

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SpicyFoodRocks · 06/12/2022 19:40

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:37

I'm on hold with 101, the automated message says there is a high call demand and directs people to report crimes and antisocial behaviour online or 999 if an emergency. It's just ringing and ringing.

There is a history of violence yes, nothing recent unless you include needing to be restrained by the police as she was going biserk and smashing up her flat.

My aunt suffers from paranoid delusions and when she gets something in her head she won't be convinced otherwise. Alot of her delusions are about people conspiring against her. I've been the target for that one myself in the past.

Still just ringing out and no answer from 101. I'm going to have to try and get somebody to have the kids and go myself aren't I.

Just try not to panic too much. Whilst paranoid delusions can lead to fear and agitation, actual serious violence by mentally unwell people is pretty rare. Of course I am not saying it can’t happen, but the chances are that your mum and her sister will be ok.

Will you be safe to drive? You sound like a lovely daughter.

Choconut · 06/12/2022 19:41

Favouritefruits · 06/12/2022 19:31

People with schizophrenia are more likely to hurt themselves than other people, I would be more worried your Aunt is in hospital that your mum.

But people with schizophrenia are 4-7 times more likely to commit violent crimes than the average person so the OP is right to be concerned if her aunt isn't taking her meds.
I hope it's all ok and you find out soon OP.

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:41

We all live in different Boroughs of the same city but a considerable distance between my place and either of theirs. I'll need 1 bus to my mums (35ish mins) or two to my aunts (an hour away)

I can't believe nobody is picking up the phone on 101.

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 06/12/2022 19:41

I wouldn't go yourself, OP. Stay at home with your poorly children. If something has happened then you're not the best person to be there.

I really feel for you and your mum. Paranoid schizophrenia is terrifying for everyone involved.

SailingBuddy · 06/12/2022 19:42

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Wow. What a needless, nasty, passive aggressive comment.
Jog on!

ICanHideButICantRun · 06/12/2022 19:42

Do you have a friend who could drive you over there?

Kedece2410 · 06/12/2022 19:43

I'd try & get someone to watch the kids & go yourself. If 101 is saying there's a high demand they're clearly really busy. It could be hours & hours before they get someone available to check. With the length of time she's been out of contact I wouldn't waste any more time

Icanflyhigh · 06/12/2022 19:43

Pippa113 · 06/12/2022 19:37

I'm on hold with 101, the automated message says there is a high call demand and directs people to report crimes and antisocial behaviour online or 999 if an emergency. It's just ringing and ringing.

There is a history of violence yes, nothing recent unless you include needing to be restrained by the police as she was going biserk and smashing up her flat.

My aunt suffers from paranoid delusions and when she gets something in her head she won't be convinced otherwise. Alot of her delusions are about people conspiring against her. I've been the target for that one myself in the past.

Still just ringing out and no answer from 101. I'm going to have to try and get somebody to have the kids and go myself aren't I.

In all honesty I would hang up on 101 and redial 999 - before I get shot down, I have done this before and need.told by the police it absolutely was the right thing to do.

Geville · 06/12/2022 19:43

Are there any kindly neighbours who can watch the children?

id say yes it’s best to check on both their places as you’re planning to do tonight, if you can’t get though to the police in the next 20-30 mins.

Nordix · 06/12/2022 19:43

Could you phone the local police station to your aunt’s borough (eg. Kensington police station) and ask them to send an officer round?

rainbowruthie · 06/12/2022 19:44

Would it be safe for you to go if your Aunt is 'dangerous', surely better to ask police to attend

BergamotandLime · 06/12/2022 19:45

MH nurse here. Phone your local police station rather than 101 and see if they can do a welfare check.

Newmum0322 · 06/12/2022 19:45

Have you been able to reach your mum at your sisters on previous occasions? Phone being ‘off’ suggests going straight to VM. This could actually suggest no reception… all the more likely if they’re both doing it

kitcat15 · 06/12/2022 19:45

Hopeyourmums ok

BatshitBanshee · 06/12/2022 19:45

I agree with a previous poster. Your aunt has serious mental health concerns and violent history and your mum is uncontactable - it is an emergency and you do need an urgent welfare check.

If there's someone who can mind kids and you can get a taxi - perfect but I wouldn't wait for three buses to be honest. The police will be faster.

Redglitter · 06/12/2022 19:45

In all honesty I would hang up on 101 and redial 999 - before I get shot down, I have done this before and need.told by the police it absolutely was the right thing to do

Even if the OP does call 999 its not going to get the Police out any sooner. Calling 999 just gets your phone call answered quicker it doesn't get a faster attendance. I'd definitely be trying to go round myself

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GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 06/12/2022 19:45

Can you contact anyone near your DMs to go there and see if she's home? It would eliminate her being fine and at home at least.

PurpleButterflyWings · 06/12/2022 19:46

Can't suggest anything @Pippa113 that you haven't already done, BUT I don't think it's soon enough to be really worrying too much yet. Sorry to sound cavalier, but I think it's a bit too soon to be worrying ..... yet. It's only just got half seven at night. Not sure how soon the police will take your report with it being so early on (and you only spoke to her last night.) Hope she pops up soon. Not being nasty honestly... Just offering a different viewpoint. I am sure she's OK. Smile

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