DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

It’s like when two people share one slice of something (cake, homebake etc) - one person cuts and then the other person gets to choose which ‘half’ they would like. It means the ‘cutter’ tries to make the pieces as even as possible. So in your situation one person should dish up the food (can be your DH or you) and the other person gets to choose which plate they want. Good luck getting your DH to agree to it though.

Perhaps some posters here have a female privilege thing going on. If they are the ones running round after everyone and DH and a bunch of teenage kids are sat on their arses most of the time while food is brought to them then I think the main care giver and general dogsbody deserves the extra cheese TBH.

I always give my husband the best bits.

Good grief.

What the hell? You’ve had to come up with distraction techniques to manage your husband’s greed? Have you never broached this with him?

This thread is really depressing.

I think that’s an entirely different situation to the OP. You deserve nice things and should get to eat the food you love.

Good that you will do the same to him.

If it’s chef’s privilege then you should get the same privilege when you cook.

God what overgrown toddlers some men are. Doesn’t help when women play right into it.

‘Oh poor man, he had to put a pizza in the oven or cut open an avocado all by himself! You should be willing to take all the worst bits of everything after he’s done such an amazing thing!’

You sound silly and are just helping to make my point.

Get your own avocado then. No real effort and then you won't need to moan about (apparently) getting the bad bit.

The paranoia is probably imagined or based on selective observation anyway

Anyway. I give the best bits to DH sometimes. Other times I get them. He would always give the best piece or nicest bit to me.

Slightly burnt or in any way messed up bits DH would always say ‘oh that bit can be mine’ regardless of who is cooking it.

Size wise he would always serve himself a larger portion than me but I’m a small female who wouldn’t finish a large portion and he’s a large male. It just makes sense and saves him eyeing up the remainder of my food when he senses I am slowing down.

That made me laugh.

I take the slightly nicer half of stuff. My husband doesn't mind. He doesn't care about such things. It doesn't make me a nasty person. I do other stuff. I will give him the bigger serving e.g biggest jacket potato, because he eats more than I do. Which is fine.

OP if it bothers you - you serve up and give yourself the bit you want.

Completely agree. But a lot of this selfish thinking is propelled by the women, in these situations, many of whom have themselves a patriarchal mentality. Consequently, this entitlement is just perpetuated. It’s not a good thing.

Ah, yes. It’s definitely women’s fault for having any expectations of men at all.

What, that’s the best you can do??

Very happily married, together almost 15 years. I love the bones of him. He’s a great man, kind, considerate, hard working, and not in any way a manchild. It’s fantastic!

OP if it bothers you - you serve up and give yourself the bit you want.

A few people have said this and I think it's missing the point. It's not that I really care about the actual food. It's the sentiment behind it.

As someone a while back said, it's about 'generosity of spirit' isn't it? I'd always want him to have the best but it feels like he doesn't have the same feeling toward me, which is upsetting.

Hah I was thinking about this the other day-

If I'm cooking I give myself the best bit

If my husbands cooking he gives me the best bit

I just think I'm cooking I should get the best. And he thinks it's my fault it's abit burnt I'll eat that.

He's alot nicer than me 🤣

I was brought up that you always give the other person/people the best bits.

I do find it hard though, so I try to make me and my DH's portions absolutely equal in every way, even down to cutting small pieces of chicken in half to make sure we have the same amount of chicken (just like when I was 10 and me and my sister would squabble over the best slice of cake).

But, I could never give myself the best bit... I'd feel so immoral.

I wouldn't read too much into it. He probably doesn't even notice. You're talking about two halves of the same item.

I ALWAYS give others the better bit , even if I cook it. Wouldn't even occur to me to keep the best for myself. DH is exactly the same, we were brought up this way. So are our DC and think most of friends have the same mentality.
I'm confident, self assured and value myself but I always give others the better of two or more options if that's the situation.

My DP gives me the best/larges bits of lots of food except pizza. But then he cuts it into 8 serves 4 each but I usually only eat 3 so he eats up extra slice. When I serve I do so equally with everything except crackling from pork. I admit I take most for myself and give rest of family a smaller bit. But I don't eat dessert so everyone gets a bit bigger portion.

I certainly would not always give everyone else the best bits - I matter just as much as everyone else does! I’m not subservient to everyone else and I won’t be be treating myself as a second class member of the household. Women don’t need to take on that role of martyrdom.