DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

I always take the worst portion/part of and give husband, then children the better bits.

Not really sure why? think I’m just trying to keep them alive as they are all in far more need of nutritional assistance than me 😂

My DH is very good about taking a burnt bit etc when he cooks though he does have a tendency to point out he's done it. He also asks me if I have enough every time as he knows he tends to be a bit greedy. I always give him the bits I think he'd like best when I cook without martyr-ing myself. I'd definitely point it out to your DH in a jokey way.

What on earth are you on?

There's a warning to us all!

The old ones are the best ! 😂

Lol. What if man gives woman best bits too?

?

Even I give my DH (or whoever I'm serving food to) the best bits, and I will admit I'm generally quite cantankerous and difficult to live with so it's not a reflection of me being an overly passive and pandering person 😂. Op, next time you notice this I think you should just reach for the other portion, and say Oh I fancy the look of that one. Keep doing it.

In that case (him being wonderful) then just tell him that doing this is making you feel shit and resentful.

If he really is a good guy he'll make more effort in the future to give you 'best' bits.

Yes I'd like to know too. My wife commit suicide due to her mental health issues caused mostly by her birth mother.
I'm not left without my wife and our son is without a mummy.

Totally depends as sometimes DH and I prize different things. He prefers the less cheesy pizza and the more burned toast for example. I do however serve him and adult DS larger portions as they do more physical work/exercise and are all round bigger than me. I suppose the only time it would be apparent is with poached eggs. If one breaks he takes that but then he would usually have more than one and i'd just have one.

I'm so sorry @Bog

My wife does most of the cooking. She lets me pick which plate I want but I always go for the "less appealing" one as she is the one who actually cooked it. She always tells me off for doing it but I will never change.

If it's a meal that my DP favours, I give him the bigger portion and best bit. If it's a meal I favour, I give do the same for myself. We have quite opposite preferences so it works out perfectly

Please excuse my rude bluntness here OP - but if he is kind, thoughtful & generous - how on earth are you in a position where you feel unable to just ... say to him what you've said on your thread?

Are you really scared of seeming petty?
Because it's not petty to be pissed off that he always gives you eg the burnt toast or brown avocado.
So nix the thought that your feelings aren't valid please!

Is it actually that you don't want to find out what his reaction to being challenged is? That he might not respond to your observation kindly, thoughtfully, generously?

Honestly - you're not being petty. On the face of it, it's a small thing - but underneath, it's all about him feeling entitled to better treatment than you are. And, sadly, you choosing to stew with resentment for however long you've been noticing that entitlement, that lack of caring & respect for you, instead of tackling him head on about it. Even in a joking manner.

That paragraph above is NOT any criticism of YOU btw.
But you might want to quietly reflect on what is really stopping you from mentioning it to him.

I'm from a large family. If we had cake or sweets etc. one of us would divide it up and the divider always got last pick, which incentivised them to be as fair as possible.

I actually don't think this is a trivial matter!

It's a basic character trait - putting yourself first, plus greed, of course - which isn't very attractive. It would be off-putting for me. When I've cooked something I give the worst bit to myself a) because that's how I was brought up and b) I want other people to think I've done a good job - I take a pride in what I produce as a cook (so it's not just self-effacement).

It's similar, to me, to someone (not just a man) not opening a door for another person...a bit boorish and ill-mannered.

It's not a hanging offence but, to be honest, I would think less of a person for this.

My husband and I both give the best bits to the children, or if the children aren't around, to each other.
However, when I was growing up, my mother trained me to always give the best bit to other people, and especially to any men present. My father only served food on Sundays, but he always took the best bits himself, then the next best for my mother, and we got whatever was left.
OP, I wonder if this has its roots in what he saw as a child? If so, it's probably fairly easily fixable by pointing it out to him.

I’m no pushover! I do not in any way consider myself to get ‘the worst’ of anything. It’s pretty fair and even in my house, as I say - we generally we’ve ourselves so everyone gets their preferred portion.

I just cannot imagine deliberately serving myself the ‘best’.

Thank you but I didn't mean to derail. Hopefully that person has seen my response and is having a long hard look at themselves.

Picklemewalnuts's post has resonated with me. Both her and her dad giving each other their own least favourite yoghurt thinking that the other one would like the one then profered to the other, best. In reality, they were hankering after each other's second-best yoghurts.

We all like different things. I do nearly all the cooking and my husband just eats whatever I give him. I give myself more vegetables as his portion size of these is 'garnish-sized'. Meat is shared. Fish is mine as he only eats battered. We both make sure the kids have what they need/like.

If he ever cooks a pizza for us then he - without fail - will give me the tidiest looking bit. Not because it's better but because I have Poirot-vision when it comes to things and food is no exception. He cooked and served a fry-up once... it consisted of a sort of leaning-tower presentation, all ingredients piled high on top of the one underneath... and beans and juice dribbling down. <- not envy. To him, this is nectar of the gods.

OP, talk to your husband and tell him how you do things - ask him which bits he actually likes and enjoys, tell him your preferences and then make an agreement to share common favourites.

I'm sorry, Bog, I didn't read the end of the thread and hadn't seen your post. I'm very sorry for your loss.