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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting anyone to hold or kiss my baby during Christmas Eve's celebration?

148 replies

AnaCav · 06/12/2022 03:59

Hey everyone,

On the 24th, DH, DS (5 month old) and I are going to spend Christmas Eve with my extended family, as we do every Christmas (my Uncle and Aunt are hosting and they live close to us). We love Christmas, love spending Christmas Eve with all the family and are excited to go. However, given the current triple threat of flu, rsv (this one especially tough on babies) and covid, we are in agreement: DH and I want to be very clear on that day in saying to everyone that we will be the only ones holding the baby and no one will be kissing him etc. (with the exception of my Parents, who are always with him). The amount of people getting the flu or other respiratory virus is insane right now and it will be a relatively large family party (25/30 people).

I feel like a lot of people in my family will find this over-the-top, rude and that we're germaphobic freaks, but I really feel that it is the responsible thing to do. What would be the polite yet effective way of telling all my aunts and uncles and cousins and other little kids this without sounding rude or coming across as obnoxious? It feels so weird to say no when someone from my family says "aww can i hold him???" but I feel I need to set clear boundaries on that day. AIBU?

OP posts:
babynoname22 · 06/12/2022 04:06

Maybe wear him in a sling?

Or a polite no not right now

Original poster
AnaCav · 06/12/2022 04:08

Oh a sling might be a good idea, thanks!

OP posts:
AnotherAppleThief · 06/12/2022 04:10

You'd be better off staying at home if you're that scared. If they have a virus, mixing in close proximity to such a large group is ikely to spread it anyway.

Isittrueornot · 06/12/2022 04:12

I think your being unreasonable and completely over the top but it’s up to you really isn’t it.
Is this your first baby? I too was way over the top with my first haha! Now she is 12 I look back at it and cringe.

Just explain your rather anxious about it all and don’t want anyone to pass any germs over to the baby.

On the flip side, wait until your baby is 3 and drinking from the dogs water bowl lol.

MarianneVos · 06/12/2022 04:13

I think you're being very OTT at that age. A premature newborn I would understand.

Totally your decision but maybe just give the party a miss if you're paranoid about illness.

Original poster
AnaCav · 06/12/2022 04:14

Yup, first baby 😅
Also all these instagram pediatricians posts saying "do not let people kiss your baby during rsv season" put me into high alert. I basically have no idea what other Moms usually do.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 06/12/2022 04:17

Sorry OP, I assume this is your first?

Your ds is going to have to start getting used to living around germs and viruses. How will his body start learning to fight them off of you keep him cocooned away all the time?

He is 5 months, I thought you were going to say he is a newborn.

Your family are going to want to see the baby, it's just a fact. Maybe don't go if you feel so strongly about it.

Isittrueornot · 06/12/2022 04:19

Maybe say gentle kisses on the head only not the face? I would let them hold the baby.

Coughs and colds are shit when a baby has them, especially when it comes to sleep, but that’s just normal life isn’t it. All babies get ill, that’s how the immune system builds. Wait until they first go school, my eldest basically had non stop cough and colds for ages!

Original poster
AnaCav · 06/12/2022 04:21

I understand what you guys are saying. And I am very outgoing with the baby, DH and I bring him to restaurants all the time, meet friends in small groups etc. It's just the thought of having many people kissing him and holding him during flu season that seems needlessly risky to me.

OP posts:
LlareggubTripAdviser · 06/12/2022 04:21

It's your baby and your choice as always.. but if you don't want your entire family to think you are weird .. I would just put it right out there from the start and let everyone know that you are really freaked out by the latest news about a particularly nasty virus for children... so please, humour me, no kissing... and if they have a cold, no cuddles.

ZekeZeke · 06/12/2022 04:22

Stay at home would be my suggestion.
You will come across as OTT and be the brunt of many jokes now and into the future.
Your child isn't living in a bubble.

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 06/12/2022 04:22

Your baby is 5 months old? If they are not already at the stage of putting everything in sight into their mouth then they will be soon. Once that happens I found it was all over in terms of preventing the transmission of germs, and in no time at all they will be gleefully licking the floor. So tbh I do think yabu, you'll soon be at the point where it's not realistic to prevent your baby from picking up bugs left right and centre anyway.

Original poster
AnaCav · 06/12/2022 04:24

Yes he puts everything into his mouth and I'm ok with that 😅 I'm not a germaphobe with my baby, it's honestly just having many people kissing him that is freaking me out

OP posts:
Whatwhowherewhy · 06/12/2022 04:47

@AnaCav YANBU. RSV levels are at their highest for years. And I mean high! I’ve seen a graph. My friends DD broke her arm recently and she said A&E at the children’s hospital was a nightmare and full of sick babies. My SIL is a children’s nurse with a 5 month old also and has just told me she will be telling everyone to stay away from baby at Christmas. She said the nurses board/email group (not sure what she said it’s called) is getting constant messages practically begging staff to come in and do a shift.

You are being sensible. No one needs to hold or kiss your baby. They are doing it for themselves. It doesn’t benefit the baby. I would just be honest and say sorry we’re keeping hold of her ourselves with all the crazy colds and high RSV around. Everyone has been reading about RSV and Strep A in the headlines. It should be fine. If someone kicks up I’d just apologise and be firm.

BrightSaturn · 06/12/2022 04:49

I don’t think you have to let anyone kiss your baby if you don’t want to, I don’t think that’s ott. If you can prevent your babe from getting flu or covid why wouldn’t you?! It makes sense to me :)

I second the sling idea though if you’d rather keep hold of your LO. Hopefully he will sleep through most of it if he’s in a sling and then you have a perfect excuse. In my opinion babies aren’t toys to be passed around from person to person anyway!

MermaidMummy06 · 06/12/2022 04:50

Not touching won't do much. Most of these illnesses are airborne. You could ask them to wash hands first and only kiss on top of the head.

If you're really that concerned then don't go. I don't cuddle or kiss people at social events and still get sick!

FlamingJingleBells · 06/12/2022 04:50

Stay at home as its something you're not going to be able to control nor fully implement.

marmitetoastie · 06/12/2022 04:59

YABU, stay home if you’re that worried about bugs and isolate. Your baby will get germs and that will build their immune system and they’re long term health.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 06/12/2022 05:03

I would give the party a miss this year if I were you.

Munches · 06/12/2022 05:05

I happen to think you’re being very sensible. Not just at risk of getting respiratory infections or flu, but things like Norovirus
I would have done the same at that age with my children.

YANBU at all.

Fleur405 · 06/12/2022 05:08

Kissing isn’t going to make much difference is it? Assuming your aunt doesn’t have some kind of mansion and that the windows will be shut due to the weather then you have to accept that if one of them has a Lyn airborne respiratory virus that you/your baby might well catch it. If you are that anxious about it you’d be better of staying at home this year.

Tashface · 06/12/2022 05:12

The kissing thing ... I've cuddled a few babies in my time but I've never felt the urge to kiss them (with the exception of my own!). Everyone's different, of course.

It sounds like you're worried everybody will be wanting to kiss baby, but you might find that isn't the case. And simply being in a room with so many people, whether they hold baby or not - well, if that does worry you (and I don't believe it should) then perhaps you would be better not going.

autienotnaughty · 06/12/2022 05:57

Flu is airborne the baby could get it in your arms or you could get it and pass it on.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 06/12/2022 06:03

People don't generally kiss other people's babies!

Merlott · 06/12/2022 06:08

YANBU to want to protect baby from nasty bugs.

DC1 caught a terrible virus in 2017. Ended up in hospital on a nebuliser (? Not sure if that's the name) having his blood checked every hour. He was SO ill. It was terrifying. This was his first winter so he was about 10 months old.

There is not much you can do to protect them once they start nursery so I'm on the side of doing all you can while you can.

Tbh just being around people won't magically make baby ill.. the person would have to be ill themselves and contagious!

If there's even a hint of someone at the gathering turning up while contagious I'd be leaving. It will be airbourne due to sneezing and coughing so nothing to do with kissing anyway.

Best of luck OP.