Not wanting anyone to hold or kiss my baby during Christmas Eve's celebration?

[AnaCav]

Hey everyone,

On the 24th, DH, DS (5 month old) and I are going to spend Christmas Eve with my extended family, as we do every Christmas (my Uncle and Aunt are hosting and they live close to us). We love Christmas, love spending Christmas Eve with all the family and are excited to go. However, given the current triple threat of flu, rsv (this one especially tough on babies) and covid, we are in agreement: DH and I want to be very clear on that day in saying to everyone that we will be the only ones holding the baby and no one will be kissing him etc. (with the exception of my Parents, who are always with him). The amount of people getting the flu or other respiratory virus is insane right now and it will be a relatively large family party (25/30 people).

I feel like a lot of people in my family will find this over-the-top, rude and that we're germaphobic freaks, but I really feel that it is the responsible thing to do. What would be the polite yet effective way of telling all my aunts and uncles and cousins and other little kids this without sounding rude or coming across as obnoxious? It feels so weird to say no when someone from my family says "aww can i hold him???" but I feel I need to set clear boundaries on that day. AIBU?

Just say the baby has been Ill and you want to protect them from getting sick

At this age they're learning cognitive schemas and scripts about how the world works. Do you want them to think that being kept at arms length is normal? I would say that's far more damaging than an illness.
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@AnaCav RSV is airborne, just like other respiratory viruses.

Someone's said it above, but I'm pretty sure these types of viruses are airborne so you get it by being in the same room as someone, not through touch. If you're really that concerned make sure windows are open in rooms you're in with other people (remember the covid guidance!) Circulating fresh air does make a difference.

If I took my now 7 month old to a family party and told people they couldn't hold him they would think I'd gone mad. But it's your baby and if that's what you feel is best then that's your decision. Personally I would stay home just because the thought of having to say either make some "everyone stay away from my baby" announcement or say no everytime people ask to hold the baby stresses me out.

Ask 30 people to pay for lateral flows on the morning of a Christmas party?
Ok.

If you're all sat in the same room and someone has a virus chances are you are going to get it. If you're that nervous then don't go.

This is what lockdowns have done to people. So scared of everything and not living anymore

The kissing thing fair enough but you really do need to let your baby be held by other people and be exposed to germs etc to build up the immune system.

If you keep your baby to yourself then ironically you are making things worse not better and they could get really sick.

Dh is medical and sees it all the time.

Ah I see the "you're a germaphobe/precious/scared" brigade have showed up because you (quite rightly) aren't keen on people holding and kissing the baby during peak flu and RSV season. Not to mention fucking cold sores.

Same brigade BTW that if you came back in January and said baby has been hospitalised because of picking up RSV at a party where they have been held and kissed by 30 odd people they would say "what did you expect! Another stress on the NHS!"

Go and enjoy the party. No need to send a text announcement re: no kissing or holding. Just a 'ah no, he's happiest here in the sling". Friendly reminder that babies were not put on earth to appease full grown adults. You don't have to hand over your baby to be held or kissed by anyone for any reason. I have never handed over DD to anyone bar her grandparent and I don't plan to with my next either. Sky hasn't fallen in 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd probably not go. No need for your baby to be exposed to large new groups of people in the winter. His immune system doesn't need that.

The strep problem is worrying.

This is not completely true. It is much worse to catch RSV at a young age.

"First, some reassuring news: Some kids’ immune systems will benefit from having more time at home this year. Consider respiratory syncytial virus, or R.S.V., a common respiratory virus that kids typically catch before the age of 2 (often at day care). R.S.V. can be very serious, leading to some 57,000 hospitalizations in American babies and toddlers each year. R.S.V. is also believed, in rare cases, to trigger asthma, a disease sparked in part by an overactive immune response — and “the younger you are when you have R.S.V., the higher the risk,” said Tobias Kollmann, M.D., Ph.D., a pediatric infectious disease physician at the Telethon Kids Institute in Perth, Australia. So if babies who otherwise would have caught R.S.V. this year do not, that’s a win; when they eventually catch it later on (nearly all kids do), the potential risks will be lower."
www.nytimes.com/2020/09/10/parenting/children-immunity-staying-home-coronavirus.html

You do not want your 5 month old catching COVID or flu or RSV, and especially not at a time when children's hospitals are completely overloaded.

I think it's a bit strange but my family are not very kissy so really can't imagine anyone apart from maybe the grandparents kissing my babies. It may well make me feel uncomfortable if I had the sort of family who would pass the baby around kissing it. I don't see the harm in others holding the baby really but again a lot of my family wouldn't particularly want to.

You're literally in the room with them. Preventing other people holding or kissing your precious baby won't prevent germs spreading.

You'd be better staying at home if it's that much of a big deal to you.

If a family member sent that message on a what's app group I think everyone would think they are being way OTT.

You may as well stay at home then.

This. He's 5 months, mine were crawling at that age and stuffing everything in their mouths. Yabu amd precious.

Wow you’re just so cool

This @BatshitBanshee *Ah I see the "you're a germaphobe/precious/scared" brigade have showed up because you (quite rightly) aren't keen on people holding and kissing the baby during peak flu and RSV season. Not to mention fucking cold sores.

Same brigade BTW that if you came back in January and said baby has been hospitalised because of picking up RSV at a party where they have been held and kissed by 30 odd people they would say "what did you expect! Another stress on the NHS!"

and this @HerculesMorseShrank

You do not want your 5 month old catching COVID or flu or RSV, and especially not at a time when children's hospitals are completely overloaded.

PFB alert!
Get on the mulled wine and chill out 🤣

If you don't want your baby to be exposed to germs you need to stay at home.

Does anyone actually kiss other people's babies anyway?

You do not want your 5 month old catching COVID or flu or RSV, and especially not at a time when children's hospitals are completely overloaded.

Of course not. But a year ago if someone had said "I don't want my baby to catch covid so when I go to a party of 30 people I just won't let anyone hold him" everyone would have responded that that won't make much difference if someone at the party is ill. If all we had to do to avoid covid was not touch each other, it wouldn't have been such a problem.
Regardless of whether or not her concern is reasonable, if OP is worried about airborne viruses, the best thing to do is stay at home, not go to a party.

@WeWereInParis I think that poster was responding to the many parents here saying PFB and sure it’s good for babies to catch illness that have a high chance of them ending up hospitalised. 🙄

Your baby, your rules. It's fair enough to not want people to hold and kiss your baby. You might want to also just double check before you go that no one is showing up with symptoms of illness.

About the 'polite' way to say it, I would just basically repeat what you said in your post. Lots of illnesses going around, doctors are warning about RSV etc, we just want to be careful.

My little one was about 4 months when she got a respiratory virus, and the doctor said the children's ward was full of little babies struggling to breathe. It was awful. You do need to be careful when they're so tiny still.

One of the reasons we are having such issues with viruses in kids and babies at the moment is because they weren't exposed to it all over the pandemic!

My niece is really suffering (2.5 yrs) with repeated hospital admissions triggered by viruses and her consultant says the lack of exposure as a baby is a huge factor.

Honestly it's part of building your immune system.

Id perhaps ask anyone who's visibly unwell / coughing / sneezing to steer clear but if someone's perfectly healthy I don't think a cuddle will hurt.

That's EXACTLY what his immune system needs!