Not wanting anyone to hold or kiss my baby during Christmas Eve's celebration?

[AnaCav]

Hey everyone,

On the 24th, DH, DS (5 month old) and I are going to spend Christmas Eve with my extended family, as we do every Christmas (my Uncle and Aunt are hosting and they live close to us). We love Christmas, love spending Christmas Eve with all the family and are excited to go. However, given the current triple threat of flu, rsv (this one especially tough on babies) and covid, we are in agreement: DH and I want to be very clear on that day in saying to everyone that we will be the only ones holding the baby and no one will be kissing him etc. (with the exception of my Parents, who are always with him). The amount of people getting the flu or other respiratory virus is insane right now and it will be a relatively large family party (25/30 people).

I feel like a lot of people in my family will find this over-the-top, rude and that we're germaphobic freaks, but I really feel that it is the responsible thing to do. What would be the polite yet effective way of telling all my aunts and uncles and cousins and other little kids this without sounding rude or coming across as obnoxious? It feels so weird to say no when someone from my family says "aww can i hold him???" but I feel I need to set clear boundaries on that day. AIBU?

Do your social media 'pediatricians' explain why your parents are immune to illnesses or otherwise unable to transmit them?

Surely if you had a cold, you would stay clear of a baby anyway? I would!

don’t engage with insta paediatricians (is what this mum does)!
you can’t even tell for sure they are actual doctors. Seen the GMC registration for any of them?

With the best intentions, irs very hard to enforce once you’re there.

I agree with others to put him in a sling, or a front carrier. I had an ergobaby 360 (recommend!) which DS enjoyed as he could look out and see what was going on, or I could snuggle him against me and he’d go to sleep. It’s the only way people won’t offer to hold him, in my experience.

I agree with others that if you’re in a room with windows shut and no masks the risk is there. Whether people are likely to touch or kiss him is probably best known by you - DS lived in India where kissing and touching babies happens ALL THE TIME even by strangers (I hated it but it is cultural). Whereas it wouldn’t cross my mind to kiss even my nephews and nieces when they were that small.

5 months isn’t tiny though. He has to get an immune system somehow. If he’s socialising with other babies - which ideally he should be now - he’s already at risk. RSV is scary, DS was hospitalised with it at a year old and it was horrible, he wasn’t himself at all for about three weeks overall and hearing him struggle to breathe was very hard. But in some ways I’m glad he had it in summer so he could build some immunity (before the current spike).

YANBU. I’m just out of hospital with my 3 week old who had RSV and was nearly a statistic. The ward was full of kids right up to 18 months who were requiring supportive measures to get them through it

They don't have to kiss him to give him flu, just cough, sneeze or talk anywhere within six foot of him.

If you don't want them touching him then it's best to say home.

Why would anyone want to kiss someone else's baby anyway? I have a 12 week old and I wouldn't even consider not going to an event like this but you do need to relax about the holding thing.

Thing is, if you’re in a room full of people, whether they hold him or not, if someone’s sick there’s still a risk of him getting it.

I do think it’s reasonable to ask people not to kiss him, particularly on his face. It’s not all that pleasant for a baby to have loads of big faces shoved into his anyway.

Oh just don't take him.

We've had a few family get togethers and I've not seen anyone kiss my baby granddaughter. And not everyone by any stretch has wanted to hold her.

I think you're just assming that everyone will be smitten and jostling to hug and kiss her, because you love her so much. In reality most will just politely say "aww, nice baby" and then go and talk to people who can talk back to them.

Don't go or be firm with your boundaries there's no magic way. People will want to hold the baby.

Sorry, just realised it's a son.

Agreed if flu, Covid or rsv are in the room you will all likely catch it anyway.

Did you are that worried best stay home.

I think it's bonkers personally but then I have an older DD at nursery who is forever kissing 5mo DD2 all over!

Your parents have just as much chance of carrying a virus as everyone else at the party. And what on earth is an 'Instagram paediatrician'? If I were you I wouldn't go. Whilst I don't think most people kiss babies as such, many will offer to hold him. You don't need to be kissing and cuddling to catch a virus, you can catch it on a bus (generally I try not to kiss and cuddle the other people on the bus though....)

And I don't think many people randomly kiss other people's babies anyway or will be that interested 🤷‍♀️ But with baby 2, if someone wants to hold her I'm chucking her at them so I can drink a cup of tea properly!

I understand the not kissing babies on the lips due to coldsores but it sounds like there's going to bbea few people there and all in one area, if they've got something it's going to spread, whether they hold your baby or not. If you're really that worried, then perhaps it's best to leave it this year.

I'd stay at home or accept that everyone will think you've lost the plot.

So my 9 month old appears to be extremely susceptible to bronchiolitis and it always causes her to struggle to breathe (4 episodes since birth, one at 10 days old)

So I am cautious with her as every cold results in breathing issues at the moment. At her and her sisters christening we just explained our concerns asked people to not kiss her people understood and were respectful.

I'm sure I'm OTT but having watched 4 times her struggling to breathe and wait for ambulances I'm not risking her health

It's your child and if you want to protect them at such a young age, good for you. I don't think it's bonkers or ott at all to want to prevent a baby from getting some horrible virus from an unsuspecting carriers. What ever you decide hope you have a lovely Christmas with your baby 🥰

So many children are becoming sicker with viruses now because they didn’t mix with other people in lockdowns and their immunities didn’t build accordingly.
of course, your child, your decision but in the long run, it’s really not a good idea to be quite so protective, you’re not doing their immune system any favours.

I can’t imagine it’ll make a difference if they hold your baby or are just in the same room as him-if they’re ill, germs will be everywhere! Either go and relax about people holding him, or stay at home

My baby was recently hospitalised for a week with bronchiolitis and RSV. She was 5 weeks old and extremely poorly. I’m definitely feeling more cautious and can completely understand where you’re coming from. Sling suggestion is great x

I know plenty of people who don’t allow kissing of their babies, and quite a lot that don’t pass them around much. The only issue I’d see with this is that if people see your parents doing it, they may well decide that if it’s okay for them… so I’d probably talk to them and explain, and they can give it a miss on Christmas Eve too, which will make it easier.

Its all on personal preferences and comfort levels, but our HV and midwife, and the birthing centre, did say they don’t recommend letting everyone kiss infants anymore; and it’s not something that’s overly normal to do anyway (although that might be generational).

There’s SO many bugs around this year, RSV, Strep A and norovirus seem crazy, lockdowns affect on child immunity is now in full swing… this seems sensible to me.

I don't remember anyone being desperate to kiss my babies. Couple of young ones in my family now, and I haven't kissed them either.
At family gatherings we're more likely to hold a baby to give it's parents a moment to get a break, rather than out of a desire to play pass the baby.
Was at a few largish gatherings over the summer and that's how it's been at those, as well.
I too think babies need to have the chance to develop an immune system by being out and about.