Not wanting anyone to hold or kiss my baby during Christmas Eve's celebration?

[AnaCav]

Hey everyone,

On the 24th, DH, DS (5 month old) and I are going to spend Christmas Eve with my extended family, as we do every Christmas (my Uncle and Aunt are hosting and they live close to us). We love Christmas, love spending Christmas Eve with all the family and are excited to go. However, given the current triple threat of flu, rsv (this one especially tough on babies) and covid, we are in agreement: DH and I want to be very clear on that day in saying to everyone that we will be the only ones holding the baby and no one will be kissing him etc. (with the exception of my Parents, who are always with him). The amount of people getting the flu or other respiratory virus is insane right now and it will be a relatively large family party (25/30 people).

I feel like a lot of people in my family will find this over-the-top, rude and that we're germaphobic freaks, but I really feel that it is the responsible thing to do. What would be the polite yet effective way of telling all my aunts and uncles and cousins and other little kids this without sounding rude or coming across as obnoxious? It feels so weird to say no when someone from my family says "aww can i hold him???" but I feel I need to set clear boundaries on that day. AIBU?

Well you weren't pregnant through the first pandemic in a 100 years and then right in the middle of strep A media madness. So you were being cringe. Don't put that on the OP.

Given you'll be in the same room, for protracted periods of time- yes- I do think you are being, but it's your prerogative because you're the parent. It's a little PFB as if you were that concerned, don't go.

Yanbu op and people shouldn't be kissing your baby. It's hard though, I always want to kiss babies and have to remind myself that it's not ok if I didn't give birth to them!

He's going to get RSV anyway though, you know that right? If not from the party then from you or DH via work / friends etc. You can't prevent it.

I don’t get the not holding.

Are you going to prevent people talking to the baby or ask them to stay 2 meters away from the baby at all times.

I genuinely don’t get why you are going if you believe them simply holding the baby will make them sick. Surely being in the room with these people also has very similar risks.

I would also stop following ‘instagram doctors’. The vast majority of the time they talk shit.

Don’t go. Honestly, just stay home. Your child does need to build some kind of immunity up tho. But with your worries and rules - I wouldn’t go. Some people or most will think your OTT, they might say something or say it behind your back, it won’t make for a nice atmosphere, especially at Christmas. Putting the baby in a sling is a great idea, but what will you say to Everyone who asks? Or what will you do - make a mass announcement to everyone at the start? I’ve never known people want to kiss babies either - but maybe your family is different. Either way - it’s not great, you’ll just be super paranoid the whole evening and people will walk round eggshells and think you’ve lost it - not nice for either party. Stay home OP. Have a lovely Christmas with your family.

How will you be protecting your baby by only you and your husband holding them ? Flu is airborne.

I appreciate all your posts!
Just a bit more info: house is quite big, living room and dining room are enormous and people are usually spread out in different tiny groups. I am not isolating him so I am taking him to Christmas but I will try my best to a) make sure that if people are feeling under the weather, to not approach him; b) to not pass baby around. I think I will actually just introduce the subject in our family whatsapp group and say "pediatrics units are currently overwhelmed, so I'm taking some extra precautions, if any of you are feeling sick or under the weather, please let us know!" etc.

I don't want him in a bubble, and I haven't been overprotective with him (everybody who is going to be at Christmas has been with him and played with him), it's just the current spike and overwhelming of urgent care units that I'm trying to manage

RSV - which is what worries me the most - is passed by contaminated hands and surfaces, not airborne. It's why pediatricians are advising to be extra careful in passing baby around.

Just don't go. I doubt the kissing will make any difference.

This.

Maybe stay at home (or don't take your ds) if you are that worried. Your arms aren't a magic barrier to airborne infections.

RSV - which is what worries me the most - is passed by contaminated hands and surfaces, not airborne. It's why pediatricians are advising to be extra careful in passing baby around.

RSV is also spread by coughs/sneezes.

Your arms aren't a magic barrier to airborne infections.

No, but they are to infections spread by contact…

Sorry but this is peak precious parenting. If you’re that worried don’t take him at all. If someone has COVID or flu and you’re in a house crammed with people he won’t not get it just because he wasn’t held by someone else

Just don't go - you are being unreasonable and will likely just create a 'name' for yourself. It's much easier (and less awkward for all involved) if you just stay at home

This.

If you’re that precious it’s best not to go.

One of the reasons being cited about the Strep A and infection rise is the high levels of circulating bacteria in children following covid isolation.

Whilst kissing baby by outright strangers is probably vaguely reasonable to be concerned about, I think banning a hold or cuddle for 5 month old seems way overboard. Don’t forget we are social animals and touch each other as part of forming bonds is important. Jeez, our closest mammal relatives use grooming all the time to build those bonds. And it is well known humans deprived of touch suffer mentally. Ok, know your little one isn’t deprived of touch, but just making the point that both baby and giver of hugs/cuddles need it to build bonds and trust - so it’s an important function and necessary for socialisation. Unlike adults, a 5 month old can’t talk to build those social bonds in that way.

No you can't start insisting that people report to you if they have a bit if a cold or are "feeling under the weather", really you can't. If they are there they obviously feel we enough to attend. A family gathering of 30 people is not all about your baby. If you are genuinely concerned then just accept that you need to miss out this year.

Yes, the NHS seems to think it's airborne. Not sure if they're on Instagram though, so might not be worth listening to.

https://www.iow.nhs.uk/Downloads/PatientInformationnLeaflets/Children%20-%20Bronchiolitis%20and%20Respiratory%20Syncytial%20Virus%20RSV2.pdf

Don't send that message on the WhatsApp group. They'll think you're mad. If you're taking him out and about and he's with people all the time, including people at the party then it doesn't make any sense that you're being overprotective at the party.

what0-18.nhs.uk/popular-topics/bronchiolitis-and-rsv

www.cdc.gov/rsv/about/transmission.html

a couple of useful links with none panicking, sensible information about RSV and now it’s transmitted.

No kissing is a totally fair and sensible choice.

However I think people will feel upset and quite rejected/ accused if you won't even let them hold him. Could always ask them to wash their hands first.

It's your choice of course but I don't think people will be happy. Might ruin the atmosphere.

I think people will be annoyed if your Mum and Dad can cuddle the baby but nobody else as you say in your OP, plus it won't make any difference as they could still pass something on. The other thing you should bear in mind is that if anyone hugs you and DH then you could then get something and give it to your baby anyway. Either stay away or put him in a sling. You can't go to a busy house with 25 people in and assume that only not kissing him will keep him germ free.

You're right not to let other people kiss him. Not so much for respiratory viruses (COVID, RSV, flu which are airborne and are contagious just from breathing in the air breathed out by others, if no one is wearing a mask/there is no ventilation/no HEPA) but be very aware of cold sores (herpes simplex). This is super dangerous for babies and spread by kissing even if just the face not directly the lips.

I would be worried about respiratory viruses so talk with the host about a ventilation plan/ask people to do lateral flows on the morning of the party, though I note you go to restaurants so your baby is just as much at risk there.