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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

515 replies

destinationisland · 05/12/2022 23:51

My sister is planning a wedding next year in the Pacific Islands. This is a 30 -40 hour flight away and will cost my family at least £5k in flights alone to get there.

We can barely afford this but were happy to go anyway for the experience and the memories. My sister just told me we need our own accommodation as there is no longer room for us in the main villa. We have been suggested to stay half a mile away. It's probably important to mention we have two children under 6 and there are no cars on this part of the island.

This change was enough for me to reconsider going but my brother (broke, single father) and parents are going and think we just need to suck it up and go.

The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago (he is Australian, so it was in middle for both our families), we were told we were being selfish and the wedding must be in my home town if we wanted my parents to come.nMy sister and future brother in law acknowledged all the stress we went through planning our wedding and trying to keep everyone happy.

We said we have moved on and are happy for them but the more I think about it the more annoyed I get (they have no connection to the pacific - just enjoyed it on their holiday one year). My husband literally only had his immediate family at our wedding because it was a big ask and expense to expect his friends to come all the way over here. My MIL is ill and we may need to fly to Australia at short notice but this wedding will take up all our holiday leave and spare funds.

TBH I wish they would just elope and have a small party at home later but I am not sure if I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 06/12/2022 14:15

To the nay Sayers.... doubting the price some people are coming up with for the flights. Just Google 'return flights to Australia Summer 2023.' The average price is coming out at £2000 to £2500 per person (return.) And I know some will try to be funny and clever will say, oh, but you can get it for £799 on Mycheapflight.com blah blah blah.

But in reality you won't get it for that/it won't be that simple. There'll be some catch, it'll probably be at the beginning of January, or there'll be split flights - maybe 3 different ones, and 2 days between each one, so you'll need to find accommodation for the 3-4 nights your have to stay somewhere else etc etc...

The fact is, for two adults you could be looking the best part of four to five grand for the flights alone, not including accommodation and all the food and stopovers and everything else.

Milkandhoneybees · 06/12/2022 15:06

OP, you are honestly a saint for even considering going 😂

I’m gobsmacked that your family have gaslit you into thinking hauling two young DCs to an island in the arse end of nowhere (pacific islands are about as remote as anywhere in the world can get).

I think your DH is even more saintly for considering this! It would be a cold day in hell if my DH agreed to give our family funds, that could be spent having his DCs and DW make memories with his ailing DM, on a sibling’s OTT pipedream wedding. 🤣

Your family must know that you’re the kind one, because they’re frankly taking the piss…

You deserve better, OP.

Spend the money on yourself, that lovely DH of yours and your wonderful DCs.

Goodgrief82 · 06/12/2022 15:08

PurpleButterflyWings · 06/12/2022 14:15

To the nay Sayers.... doubting the price some people are coming up with for the flights. Just Google 'return flights to Australia Summer 2023.' The average price is coming out at £2000 to £2500 per person (return.) And I know some will try to be funny and clever will say, oh, but you can get it for £799 on Mycheapflight.com blah blah blah.

But in reality you won't get it for that/it won't be that simple. There'll be some catch, it'll probably be at the beginning of January, or there'll be split flights - maybe 3 different ones, and 2 days between each one, so you'll need to find accommodation for the 3-4 nights your have to stay somewhere else etc etc...

The fact is, for two adults you could be looking the best part of four to five grand for the flights alone, not including accommodation and all the food and stopovers and everything else.

I think you have misinterpreted those “doubting” the price. Not that we think £5k for 4 for 3 flights is too high. But rather that it is a substantial underestimate of the realistic price

BaileySharp · 06/12/2022 15:13

YANBU, if you have a destination wedding you have to expect hardly anyone to go as it is a big ask of people. We considered it (somewhere much less than 3p hrs away), but as we'd have needed to have a UK legal ceremony anyway didn't see the point, and we were worried my parents and FIL would afford it but MIL wouldn't and that wouldn't be fair

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 15:16

"And I know some will try to be funny and clever will say, oh, but you can get it for £799 on Mycheapflight.com blah blah blah."

I checked the prices, not on my cheap flight blah blah. The actual price. And no it wasn't in January, it was at the end of may because January and February are obviously more expensive for the South Pacific. She won't get it any lower than 5k but that price is available to book now dependant on her dates.

You're calling people "funny and clever" then in the next breath saying it's cheaper to travel to Bora Bora in January 🙈🤣

Goodgrief82 · 06/12/2022 15:17

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 15:16

"And I know some will try to be funny and clever will say, oh, but you can get it for £799 on Mycheapflight.com blah blah blah."

I checked the prices, not on my cheap flight blah blah. The actual price. And no it wasn't in January, it was at the end of may because January and February are obviously more expensive for the South Pacific. She won't get it any lower than 5k but that price is available to book now dependant on her dates.

You're calling people "funny and clever" then in the next breath saying it's cheaper to travel to Bora Bora in January 🙈🤣

Could you link to where you are finding this price please

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 15:18

"or there'll be split flights - maybe 3 different ones, and 2 days between each one, so you'll need to find accommodation for the 3-4 nights your have to stay somewhere else etc etc..."

Of course travelling to these islands involves "split flights". It's impossible to fly direct. And no, as has been discussed throughout the thread this is a continuous journey over 35 hours with no hotels involved. In fact the change at LAX would be a struggle for anyone it's that short.

Why are you making stuff up?

Goodgrief82 · 06/12/2022 15:21

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 15:18

"or there'll be split flights - maybe 3 different ones, and 2 days between each one, so you'll need to find accommodation for the 3-4 nights your have to stay somewhere else etc etc..."

Of course travelling to these islands involves "split flights". It's impossible to fly direct. And no, as has been discussed throughout the thread this is a continuous journey over 35 hours with no hotels involved. In fact the change at LAX would be a struggle for anyone it's that short.

Why are you making stuff up?

Perhaps if you posted links that show these prices…

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 15:27

@Goodgrief82 I screenshot one example earlier and told you where it was from. I would generally then go to each individual airline and price up via topcashback. It's only once not been cheaper and I prefer to book with airlines direct.

Obviously the OP hasn't put dates other than "next year". I've just searched a random date in June. As you can see it's £700 total dearer than the one I found in may but I really don't have time to trawl through now. It shows the breakdown and the fact there are no long layovers. Check out 2 hours 30 in lax as I said. Doable but not for me

AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding
FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 15:30

Here's the breakdown. Are you going to the wedding @Goodgrief82? I did say much earlier in the day where these prices are coming from along with screen shots. You'd have to do the trawling to find the £5200 like I said, I don't have the time and it's pretty pointless anyway cause I'm not going to the South Pacific next year Grin

AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding
Goodgrief82 · 06/12/2022 15:32

Rather this screen shot would you mind linking. I’m sorry I missed your link up thread

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 16:06

@Goodgrief82 no, you're being very odd. Just search it yourself. All of the information from airports to airlines and dates I searched is there.

ProfessionalWeirdo · 06/12/2022 16:26

Could she want a no kids wedding but not be telling you?

That was my first thought too.

Goodgrief82 · 06/12/2022 16:48

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 16:06

@Goodgrief82 no, you're being very odd. Just search it yourself. All of the information from airports to airlines and dates I searched is there.

You won’t post a link
but will post a screen shot showing flights to … LA

says it all 😂

Goodgrief82 · 06/12/2022 16:55

It would mean not replacing our ten year old too small car and we rely on hubby's family helping us get to Australia if we need to see MIL in the next few years. She is likely too ill to travel

how come for DH’s family you “.rely” on their help to get you to Australia but you are prepared to pay for even pricier flights for your sister’s wedding?

rookiemere · 06/12/2022 17:00

I'm a bit confused as to why we're focusing on the specific cost of the flights and how long it takes to get there.

Bottom line is it will cost a lot of money and take a lot of time.

The fundamental issue over if OP and family should go or not remains the same.

forrestgreen · 06/12/2022 17:35

I'd cancel quickly before others start to let them down.

'Ds, we've priced up the full costs and travel times. I'm sorry but we will not be able to make it work. With rising costs of living we no longer have that money available to us. The children won't cope with the travel, we also find it hard as we can't crash on the flights. We wish you both well and look forward to all the photos'

skyeisthelimit · 06/12/2022 18:10

Goodgrief82 · 06/12/2022 16:55

It would mean not replacing our ten year old too small car and we rely on hubby's family helping us get to Australia if we need to see MIL in the next few years. She is likely too ill to travel

how come for DH’s family you “.rely” on their help to get you to Australia but you are prepared to pay for even pricier flights for your sister’s wedding?

I read that as would not replace the car and would have to rely on DH family IF they use the money on the wedding.

reallyhatewinter · 06/12/2022 18:43

I had a destination wedding and invited all family knowing only certain people wanted/could do the travelling and expense. This is something you have to expect when choosing to do this. We had some family come and some not come. Never once did I think any less of the ones that didn't come. It's personal choice and should be respected.
I hate that some people are so entitled they think they've got the right to pressure people into doing things and put on the guilt trips.
OP, stand firm - say you can't afford it with the flights and now extra villa cost. They'll either get over it, offer to help you by letting you stay in the original villa or arsey. I'd rather deal with arsey than spend thousands of pounds when you've better things to spend the money on.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/12/2022 18:53

If you can't afford it

Don't go

£5k in flights is a lot

Then accomdation

Then spending money /travel /taxis

And sucks to be away from main wedding party so no breakie /evening meals

Does she actually want you there

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 18:58

"You won’t post a link
but will post a screen shot showing flights to … LA

says it all 😂"

What the fuck are you on about? Why would I go back and search again just to post you a link? I've already done it twice 🤣. Search yourself if you're that arsed, the first photo I posted clearly says Manchester to Bora Bora. As I said a fucking million hours ago, RTFT

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 18:59

"I'd cancel quickly before others start to let them down."

This is a very good point. It won't take long to realise what a costly ball ache this wedding will be.

billy1966 · 06/12/2022 19:17

FleasNavidad · 06/12/2022 18:59

"I'd cancel quickly before others start to let them down."

This is a very good point. It won't take long to realise what a costly ball ache this wedding will be.

Excellent advice.

There could be a deluge!

maranella · 06/12/2022 19:47

billy1966 · 06/12/2022 19:17

Excellent advice.

There could be a deluge!

Show quote history

That's a very good point! You want to get in early, not be the sixth person to let them down in the space of a week.

GrohlOnAPole · 06/12/2022 20:25

Just say you can’t go.

I had a destination wedding and was very clear that while I’d really love those invited to come, I knew it was a lot to ask and would completely understand if people declined the invite.