AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

[destinationisland]

My sister is planning a wedding next year in the Pacific Islands. This is a 30 -40 hour flight away and will cost my family at least £5k in flights alone to get there.

We can barely afford this but were happy to go anyway for the experience and the memories. My sister just told me we need our own accommodation as there is no longer room for us in the main villa. We have been suggested to stay half a mile away. It's probably important to mention we have two children under 6 and there are no cars on this part of the island.

This change was enough for me to reconsider going but my brother (broke, single father) and parents are going and think we just need to suck it up and go.

The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago (he is Australian, so it was in middle for both our families), we were told we were being selfish and the wedding must be in my home town if we wanted my parents to come.nMy sister and future brother in law acknowledged all the stress we went through planning our wedding and trying to keep everyone happy.

We said we have moved on and are happy for them but the more I think about it the more annoyed I get (they have no connection to the pacific - just enjoyed it on their holiday one year). My husband literally only had his immediate family at our wedding because it was a big ask and expense to expect his friends to come all the way over here. My MIL is ill and we may need to fly to Australia at short notice but this wedding will take up all our holiday leave and spare funds.

TBH I wish they would just elope and have a small party at home later but I am not sure if I am being unreasonable?

"Oh I missed. How much was the flight?"

£5200. Also it included a layover of only 2 hours and 30 minutes in LAX which is fucking bonkers. A good chance of missing that connection with several kids and a dimwit brother in tow.

I think I would probably pay £5200 not to have to do that.

I was also wondering if you’ve priced it recently. That seems quite cheap for 4 of you travelling 30-40hrs

Don't do it. Replace your car, celebrate DHs birthday by taking an extended holiday in Australia and see your ILs.

Or, if you really are obliged, go by yourself.

Your brother may be drawing on his mortgage to do this? And your sister and parents think that is a reasonable expectation of a single father? They all seem unbelievably selfish, never mind kicking you out of the villa! Where are the rest of your family staying by the way? Are they still in the villa?

To be honest, it sounds like a complete nightmare and has huge financial implications for you and your family. Can't you just wish the couple well and maybe pay for a weekend away for all of you somewhere nice after they get bacor something?

My brother had a destination wedding and told me I didn't love him enough if I didn't go. Absolutely couldn't afford it so declined and put up with the nonsense. Two years later they were divorced! I'd of still been paying off the holiday on my credit card if I had decided to go 🤣

I absolutely refuse to go to destination weddings or hen/stag does, they are ridiculous and I am not a millionaire. I didn't go to my sisters and said why.
Fine if they want an expensive wedding abroad but don't expect people to go.

I really don't get the destination wedding thing at all,of course if people want to combine wedding and honeymoon that's lovely for them but the expectation that guests pay out often thousands to join them utterly baffles me. I'd wave them off with all good wishes for a lovely time and that would be that. Just don't get it. Height of cheek in my opinion.

Through what company please?

Your sister has every right to plan this destination wedding however she can't expect everyone to be able to afford to go. Now she says no room for you at the main villa. I'd just say you have reconsidered and can't afford to go. Explain you have to keep back money in case mil becomes I'll and instead plan to visit her next year for your dp's 40th. Just accept your sister may be upset with you. She will get over it. Do a facetime with her on her wedding day.

Don't go.

This wedding is expensive and getting there will be an ordeal for your family.
The change of accommodation is hurtful as well as inconvenient. (Clearly, you are not a priority to your sis.)

No doubt there will be other unexpected costs too.

Their choice to get married there of course but they have to suck it up if people can’t afford to attend as a result. I wouldn’t be going, especially not with the history of them kicking up a fuss about your wedding. Nah, screw them.

@countrygirl99 @SleepingStandingUp sorry i couldnt figure out.

YANBU i would not be going

The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago (he is Australian, so it was in middle for both our families), we were told we were being selfish and the wedding must be in my home town if we wanted my parents to come.

So it's OK for your sister to have an overseas wedding, but not OK for you? You are definitely not being unreasonable. She is.

I admit I don't really get destination weddings.
Why honeymoon with all your family and friends? Shouldn't this be one holiday that is dedicated to the coupte?

(Are marriage failure statistics in any way related to each wedding's distance away from home?)

Don't go. Tell them you're not going now. Consider changing your number before the bitching and moaning starts.

YANBU.

OP, it would be sad to miss the wedding, but if you can't afford it, then that is that, and your sister needs to accept it. You just need to stand firm, and rinse and repeat "we don't have the money", no wavering, no "we need to keep the money asided", simply "we don't have the money".

It is your sisters prerogative to have the wedding where she wants but she also then needs to accept that you may not be able to attend.

A friend of mine wanted to get married abroad, but none of us could afford to go and in the end they got married in the UK so everyone could be there.

"Through what company please?"

I'm not a travel agent 😅 but multiple airlines - Air France was one of them. Expedia is a good guide and then I find if you go direct to the airline you will often get a better deal plus occasionally some cashback.

I screen shot the adult prices to this thread but there were cheaper ones. That was just the first date I searched for next summer 🤷🏽‍♀️

Do not go.

It's your sister's choice to have her selfish wedding in a remote place that costs thousands to get to.

It would be an easy no way from me, I think it's really selfish of your sister actually to even expect anyone to attend a wedding that far away. It doesn't sound like your brother should be going either tbh.

Don’t go or at the very most go alone! Blame it on your MIL if you need to save relationships - say you have to keep funds incase she needs you!

She has kicked you out of the villa in favour of her childless friends....
it stops there for me.

the idea of traveling so far with two small children is bonkers.
I would not agree to it even if I had the money to spend.
Your sister has no respect for you, your brother or parents.
Idiotic idea.
I would tell her that.

Destination weddings often put family and other guests under pressure financially and logistically. In this case, the travel with young children is huge and there's also this really unhelpful decision to remove your accomodation option. Plus the uncomfortable history.

I think you should drop out now before anyone can say it was 'last minute'.

As PPs said, you see them all the time. But you won't have the same opportunities to spend time with MIL.

PS I bet once you tell her, your brother will feel brave enough to drop out, too.