Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locking the back door at night

180 replies

stickydoughnuts · 05/12/2022 23:36

How angry would you be if you were in bed with the baby and asked DH to go downstairs and lock up (reminding him windows are also open). He does this. You have to go down 30 mins later to get calpol and see the windows are unlocked, so check the back door. It’s unlocked.

is it just me that finds this outrageous? I was in a burglary as a child so not sure if I’m overreacting but it’s DH job to lock up nightly and now I’m concerned that I can’t even trust him to do it - I don’t want us to be murdered in our beds but also what did he even do downstairs whilst locking up?! Just stand there?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot11 · 05/12/2022 23:37

It's deliberate. It's a "fuck you, bitch" how dare you ask me to do something.

Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 05/12/2022 23:40

DenholmElliot11 · 05/12/2022 23:37

It's deliberate. It's a "fuck you, bitch" how dare you ask me to do something.

But deliberately put himself and his children in danger? Does he just not see the danger?!

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 05/12/2022 23:40

Has he ever not done it before? What was his reason this time?

SoonToBeSwedeyMummy · 05/12/2022 23:41

He's done that on purpose

Cheesuswithallama · 05/12/2022 23:41

I forget sometimes.

DuplicateUserName · 05/12/2022 23:42

I'm baffled as to why two people have said he's done this on purpose, without even asking any questions Confused

Cheesuswithallama · 05/12/2022 23:43

DuplicateUserName · 05/12/2022 23:42

I'm baffled as to why two people have said he's done this on purpose, without even asking any questions Confused

I know. I re read OP three times to see what did I miss.

Pidgeonslipshit · 05/12/2022 23:43

I wouldn’t get too worked up about it TBH ! Do you live in a dodgy neighbourhood?

TheTartfulLodger · 05/12/2022 23:44

Cheesuswithallama · 05/12/2022 23:41

I forget sometimes.

So do I. But I don't automatically equate it with being some sort of perverse power game just to put fear into my partner to show them who's boss. I just genuinely get distracted occasionally doing something else and forget.

Readaboutyourself · 05/12/2022 23:44

Plain old laziness.

Bonkers to suggest it’s on purpose after that post. Honestly Mumsnet attracts them 😂

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 05/12/2022 23:44

My DH regularly forgets, luckily we're in a quiet place and with a semi secure back garden and a dog.

I try to do it before him but he's very scatterbrained bless him and genuinely doesn't see it/remember what he's doing in life sometimes....

TheTartfulLodger · 05/12/2022 23:46

DuplicateUserName · 05/12/2022 23:42

I'm baffled as to why two people have said he's done this on purpose, without even asking any questions Confused

Because they have an issue with men in general. If he forgot to change a lightbulb they'd say he did that on purpose just to intimidate his wife too.

Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 05/12/2022 23:47

Cheesuswithallama · 05/12/2022 23:41

I forget sometimes.

But how could you forget if you specifically went downstairs to lock up, to lock up?

we live in a nice neighbourhood which has been targeted quite a lot recently!

Once before I asked if he had remembered to lock a side door he had opened and he said yes and he hasn’t, but that time he was in bed so clearly lied to get out of going and doing it. This is different my mind boggles I can’t understand physically getting out of bed. Going downstairs, saying you’ve locked up when you come up but not having done any of it. Just why?

OP posts:
jannier · 05/12/2022 23:47

Keep the back door locked all the time....windows it's winter I'd shut them before going upstairs.
Talk to him about how unsafe you feel and remind him why .

paintitallover · 05/12/2022 23:48

What did he say?

Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 05/12/2022 23:49

jannier · 05/12/2022 23:47

Keep the back door locked all the time....windows it's winter I'd shut them before going upstairs.
Talk to him about how unsafe you feel and remind him why .

We have a dog so unfortunately it has to be opened a few times a day. I’m always of the mind to lock immediately after letting him out but DH Is not. Same with shutting windows.

i just don’t feel I can trust him now To do it and will need to come and check myself every night

OP posts:
Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 05/12/2022 23:49

paintitallover · 05/12/2022 23:48

What did he say?

“I thought I had done it”.

OP posts:
Cheesuswithallama · 05/12/2022 23:50

But how could you forget if you specifically went downstairs to lock up, to lock up?

You know how you are sometimes not sure if you tuned stuff off before leaving house? Sometimes I think I locked the door yet I didn't but because I lock them most days it's an automated process and when the process fails the brain is still claiming it happened.
Also I get distracted on a way but stuff and that's it.

Cheesuswithallama · 05/12/2022 23:52

Admittedly I have woken up at 4am few times realising the door are not locked but went with "if I die I die, it's too cold"😐

NCIS4Ever2001 · 05/12/2022 23:55

Cheesuswithallama · 05/12/2022 23:43

I know. I re read OP three times to see what did I miss.

Show quote history

My guess, having been reading these forums for a while now & have consistently seen a pattern, is that the first posters who responded to the OP are individuals who abhor men apparently 🙄sad really

DuplicateUserName · 05/12/2022 23:55

Right so it sounds like he went downstairs to do it but got distracted and forgot.

If this is the first time I'm sure he'll learn from it.

If it's not, then you should probably lock up every night.

Witsendwilly · 06/12/2022 00:17

Sounds like he got distracted and forgot.

How anyone concludes he did it on purpose is beyond me.

If it really bothers you, get smart locks and have Alexa do it when you go to bed.

I have never locked a window, and very rarely lock the doors. Is that unusual?

Thehawki · 06/12/2022 00:21

I'm guessing he was tired ( as it was just before bed) and forgot. Next time (if it happens) don't do it for him, tell him he's forgotten and can he go and do it. I'm sure it wasn't purposeful.

RampantIvy · 06/12/2022 00:21

You have downstairs windows open at this time of year?

thedogshatonthematt · 06/12/2022 00:22

stickydoughnuts · 05/12/2022 23:49

“I thought I had done it”.

Show quote history

Well there you go then. Do you never go into a room to do something then completely forget what you went in for? I’m not sure how you can conclude that you will be murdered in your bed because the back door has been left unlocked. Very irrational behaviour.