Locking the back door at night

[stickydoughnuts]

How angry would you be if you were in bed with the baby and asked DH to go downstairs and lock up (reminding him windows are also open). He does this. You have to go down 30 mins later to get calpol and see the windows are unlocked, so check the back door. It’s unlocked.

is it just me that finds this outrageous? I was in a burglary as a child so not sure if I’m overreacting but it’s DH job to lock up nightly and now I’m concerned that I can’t even trust him to do it - I don’t want us to be murdered in our beds but also what did he even do downstairs whilst locking up?! Just stand there?

My DH use to be like this, there were times I’d get up and the back door would be wide open. He has absolutely no concept of things sometimes. I have to actually tell him to lock his £1000 bike away regularly and not leave it in the back yard in the pouring rain. We had very different upbringings, our house was locked up every night and we took precautions not to be targeted by thief’s I.e not having expensive things visible and took care of our belongings. DH grew up in a very wealthy low crime area and if something rusted or got broken it would just be replaced.

He dosnt do it anymore because I lost it with him about the house. His bike is his problem but I’ve kicked off about the dcs being left out and told him if his bike gets fucked or stolen he’s not using our money to replace it.

Ouch your strikethrough seems nasty- people who haven't locked up deserve to be burgled?

I would expect that the majority of posters on here who have been burgled had locked their doors and windows. Unfortunately they still got robbed.

Unless you have particularly impressive doors, windows and locks and an alarm directly wired to an alarm centre or police station (which they still take forever to respond to in some cases(, it is pretty easy for someone to access your home unfortunately.

I refuse to live my life worrying about this stuff, because there's not a whole lot I can do to genuinely prevent it.

DH sounds like your husband - very wealthy background. The thing is I am sure his mother and father locked up and took precautions he just didn’t realise/took it for granted.

I live on my own so I have to check the doors are locked myself. Please do lock your doors.

In 1969 when I was 11 we had a burgular trying to get into our house very early one Sunday morning. When my Dad opened the back door the burgular hit him on the head with the jemmy he was using, I saw it happen from my bedroom window. Fractured skull, blood everywhere. Saying it now I can't understand why he attacked my Dad, scary to think what he'd have done to us.

If you feel you're going to get murdered because the back door is unlocked, then I think you have a serious paranoia problem and should be looking to treat that.

@freckles20 "I refuse to live my life worrying about this stuff, because there's not a whole lot I can do to genuinely prevent it."

You can lock the door. That will deter anyone who isn't willing to kick it down or spend time trying to pick the lock.

I lock the back door every night. Can't trust DH whatsoever, he falls asleep in his chair when I go up and the door would never be locked otherwise. We've got 2 dogs and he knows that if they were taken, I'd kill him with my bare hands but he still just can't be bothered to check. He takes his car key to bed though

Sometimes you just have to take the option that gives you the least stress.. ie doing it yourself and adding to the rest of the list of things.

Equally, they may be people who grew up with or have lived with the many flavours of coercive control and are sensitive to anything that might be part of a consistent campaign.

Interesting chapter about coercive control that is a free download for 2 months as part of the 16 Days of Action.

academic.oup.com/book/44707/chapter/378972703?login=false

Agree that the chances of being attacked/murdered are quite slim, but then the OP does have experience already of being subjected to an armed robbery so that's going to make you extremely keen to avoid it happening again.

It's not a reason to not even lock the doors, though, surely? Being burgled while you're out or asleep is still presumably very traumatising?

We might be killed in a car crash, doesn't mean we refuse to ever drive anywhere but we do at least wear a fucking seatbelt to minimise the risk.

@starfro you have no idea what can happen. Very silly comment.

When our daughter was small we’d often leave doors and windows open. We were too exhausted to think clearly. We once went out for the afternoon and left the front door wide open.

Based on your background it’s understandable this has shaken you. If your OH pulls his weight in other areas theres no need for this to become a big issue. If the doors and windows are a key issue for you it would save you a lot of stress and anguish to take on that responsibility and ensure there locked each night.

That is APPALLING. He cares more about his car than your dogs?!! Clearly he's not just forgetful/carefree, he's actively taking extra precautions to protect what matters to HIM. Which apparently doesn't include your right to feel safe and to feel that your dogs and property are safe.

It's your husband you need to be talking to, OP, not random people. Do it together for a few nights. If it bothers you, make a big thing about it to him. Otherwise, get over it.

I would not be happy about that! Every night before I go to bed I check everything - it’s totally ingrained in me. I also have a dog so the back door is constantly being opened during the day. As the saying goes - if you want a job done properly do it yourself. I think you may have to check these things each night before you go to sleep just for your own peace of mind (I couldn’t sleep anyway not knowing).

People with the murders need to chill. Handle up is perfectly doing what everyone is talking about. If you put handle up, it can't be open from outside

That would annoy me too OP. I have a rule of if you shut a door, lock it. It's taken DH a long time to get on board, so we used to regularly find the back door unlocked. He used to have a ridiculous OCD bordering locking up routine in his old house which involved him practically hanging off a door handle to make sure it was locked, so he went totally the opposite way when we bought this house presumably it was now my responsibility.

I have, however, lost count of how many times I've got home from work and found his keys hanging in the front door lock. How??? I don't have to get annoyed at him though as he's always more annoyed with himself.

Really? Putting the handle up on our door will stop it from blowing open, and it's necessary to do this anyway before you can lock it. It doesn't stop it from being opened from the outside, though?

Our front door is like that but our back door isn't. Even with the handle up, you can open it unless you turn a key. I think it's so you don't lock yourself out when you're popping to the bin!

Well in some areas it could definitely happen. People do get intruders and are killed or attacked by them. I live in a very safe location but I wouldn’t go to bed without checking everything’s locked up.

I remember being a small child going for a wee in the middle of the night. The stairs/upstairs landing were in a T shape, and as I crossed the landing/top of the stairs I heard voices and saw a torch outside the door. Then I saw an arm come through the letter box and reach for the door knob. Luckily we had a German shepherd who took great exception to the postman, but without him/if the door had already been unlocked, who knows 🤷

There's a world in between being paranoid that you're going to be murdered in your bed and taking a sensible precaution to literally not invite trouble!

But first step here is figure out if this was a one off surely? If it isn't, then a proper conversation as to why he doesn't do it/keeps "forgetting" is needed!

........................ or what ????

That’s the thing, they have always had it done for them where we were taught to do it for ourselves.

Sounds like he did it on purpose so you wouldn't ask him again. Don't let him get away with, continue to make him do it as he wants you to not trust him to do it anymore.

Ok. Sorry not all. 2 out of 3 my door can't be open from outside after putting door handle up.
French ones seem to be

I think it's odd that he didn't remember after specifically going downstairs to do that one thing.

I used to lock up when I came back from taking the dog for his evening walk.

Sadly lost the dog recently & I do find myself forgetting now that it's not part of an established routine.

Fortunately the door can't be opened from outside without a key bet it's obviously not as secure.