Locking the back door at night

[stickydoughnuts]

How angry would you be if you were in bed with the baby and asked DH to go downstairs and lock up (reminding him windows are also open). He does this. You have to go down 30 mins later to get calpol and see the windows are unlocked, so check the back door. It’s unlocked.

is it just me that finds this outrageous? I was in a burglary as a child so not sure if I’m overreacting but it’s DH job to lock up nightly and now I’m concerned that I can’t even trust him to do it - I don’t want us to be murdered in our beds but also what did he even do downstairs whilst locking up?! Just stand there?

My dp went on a night out last Friday and got home around 12:30pm when I was already in bed, I got up the next morning, walked downstairs, found the front door locked but wide open! First thing I thought was 'we could have been murdered!!!' But then I've been reading too much about the Idaho college murders

I firgot i was going to bathroom so many times because something distracted me😂
God forbid a plant drops a leaf. I forget everything.

Tbf while i forget the lock we have the door handle thing that you lift it and it domewhat locks. Maybe that's the way to go.

I'm surprised at how blazé some people seem to be about locking their doors? Have you never heard of Richard chase? The serial killer who took locked doors as a sign he wasn't welcome but took unlocked doors as an invitation to come in!?

He probably got distracted, I've walked into a room to get something, do something else and totally forget to do the one thing I went in there for. Probably worth a civil chat about this as opportunistic thieves are more common with the idea of Christmas presents in the house

I’m amazed that people don’t keep their doors locked at all times other than when they are going in and out of them.
Whilst I am in the house during the day the key is in the back door and it literally takes two seconds to turn it.
I don’t live in a particularly rough area but have done this for forty years since I left home.

The secret here is not to live in dodgy or really nice one. I live in formerly well deprived part of a deprived postcode (part is actually still very deprived), tradesmen, families now, mix of HA and owned and private rent and we have barely any crime.
Not too shite to have the characters, not too nice to be worth robbing.

People just understand that everyone sometimes forgets.

Living life according to serial killers would not allow anyone to co anything

Im just impressed you have had windows open!

I'm the last one downstairs as dh works nights so after I've let the dogs out before bed I lock the back door and check the front door in my way to bed.

Can I ask why your upstairs ALL evening with a baby op?

Anyway I'm our house it isn't really a job is it,locking the doors and not saying your wrong but I can imagine being a victim of a previous burglary must have been terrifying for you and so you need to remind your dh of that.

Tell him to get his head out of his ass and if he's not going to bother locking doors it's going to cause a real issue between you.

If he went downstairs to specifically do that then he's a forgetful twat tell him

The trouble with this is you tend to get one person doing everything... X ruins all the clothes by washing them all together - I'll do it myself then. Kids allergies are flaring up because X can't be arsed to hoover properly - I'll do it myself then. We're all feeling shit because X will only cook oven pizza every night - I'll do it myself then.

I think if you're asking something extraordinary then yes, do it yourself. You want every item of clothing hand washed separately in the tears of an angel? Yes, do it yourself. You want the doors locked and unlocked in succession to spell out SAFE in morse code? Yes, do it yourself. But you just want the doors locked at night for legitimate safety reasons? You should be able to trust your DH to do this.

But first step here is figure out if this was a one off surely? If it isn't, then a proper conversation as to why he doesn't do it/keeps "forgetting" is needed!

I'm always absolutely amazed by people who don't lock their doors.

It doesn't matter if its a nice area and 'nothing ever happens here'.

It takes one person seeing one opportunity.

Why risk it?

Job done - he 'forgot' to do it / 'thought' he'd done it (bollox he did!), so now it's another thing off his list and on yours. Well done DH!

I hadn't remembered his name but I do remember reading quotes from interviews with him and that particular comment stayed with me. My doors are locked all the time.

You can't prevent a determined burglar getting in but the truth is they want to be in and out without attracting attention so why make it easy for them.

I wouldn't be very happy if someone told me they had locked the doors but hadn't and I think it feels more negligent to the OP because of her childhood experience with armed home invaders. I'd like to think that if I told that story to my SO they would be sensitive to my need to feel secure at home rather than behaving as if I was making a fuss and it didn't matter.

Tell him to see a gp

In future you can ask him to take a photo of the locked doors and windows after he's done it, so when he comes upstairs he can show you, that way you don't have to disturb the breastfeeding baby to go and check.

Also, get him booked in with the GP for his forgetfulness, could it be early-onset-dementia or something? Forgetting to do it is one thing, but claiming to have done it a minute after the task when he hasn't is another.

I'd be pissed off too. I've not forgotten to lock a door in my life, even when I'm shattered.

@Cheesuswithallama my comment came after reading someone post 'it doesn't bother me, we do not lock out back door'

It was an armed robbery and I think it has clearly stayed with me as the doors being locked is a particular concern for me.

Would the armed robbers have given up and gone home if the door was locked? Is a back door lock really the thing that prevents a person being the victim of an armed robbery?

But at the end of the day it's up to you is choose to remain angry and resentful.

That's what I do! DH can be a bit useless and forgetful, so I just do it nightly.

“It was an armed robbery and I think it has clearly stayed with me as the doors being locked is a particular concern for me“

in which case, I’d lock the door myself.

Ds has adhd and could easily go downstairs to close the windows, forget what he was meant to be doing and do something completely different instead. So it's not all that strange to me.

My dh will lock doors as he closes them but also doesn't have a nightly habit of going round checking everything is locked. It makes me anxious too, I always get up and check. I just don't trust him to do it.

It's so weird, why wouldn't you want to make sure your house was safely locked up at night?

I’m just back from a long weekend. Didn’t lock the door - what if my neighbours/friends wanted to get in for something?

caveat - I live somewhere naice.

It just down bother some people (me included) because the risk is so incredibly small in some parts of the world/country.

We never lock the doors, ever and never have because there is no need. The postie and delivery drivers leave stuff on the hall table.

Thats how we live. I understand others feel safer locked up though and now some people have all the doors locked even when they are in the house.

O wouldn’t call them weird. I just accept they think about it differently to how I do.

I’d rather it was locked but I wouldn’t get overly stressed about it. The chances of anything bad happening as a result is minimal.

My husband locks all the doors before he goes to bed. It’s a routine so he very rarely forgets.

Where I live, people never lock their doors - I've dropped parcels off for customers and they just say "oh, leave it in the hallway - I'll be at work" - and the front door is unlocked with full access to their house - some people even leave the door wide open in summer 🙈

I've picked dogs up for walks and the house has been unlocked - anyone could walk in, and if I left my dog in an unlocked house, who knows where he'd end up (escape artist) - but it genuinely doesn't seem to bother some people.

I always lock up after my parents were robbed while they were asleep upstairs, but I know DH often forgets and I have to say I don't feel unsafe.