Locking the back door at night

[stickydoughnuts]

How angry would you be if you were in bed with the baby and asked DH to go downstairs and lock up (reminding him windows are also open). He does this. You have to go down 30 mins later to get calpol and see the windows are unlocked, so check the back door. It’s unlocked.

is it just me that finds this outrageous? I was in a burglary as a child so not sure if I’m overreacting but it’s DH job to lock up nightly and now I’m concerned that I can’t even trust him to do it - I don’t want us to be murdered in our beds but also what did he even do downstairs whilst locking up?! Just stand there?

Mine does this too! I will often text from upstairs to lock the front and back door, he will lock the front but never the back, I just make sure I go and do it now

Ditto.

Well, I can imagine doing this myself - as in specifically going downstairs with the best intentions and then completely not doing it. The amount of times I have walked into a room and forgotten why or gotten sidetracked doing something else instead.
Dh is the same.
We're a family of sieveheads, tbh.

I'd be mildly annoyed that he hadn't done what he agreed to do, but the doors and especially windows wouldn't bother me that much. None of my windows are locked, and although the back door is locked, the key is in the door and half the door is glass anyway.

We were burgled twice when I was little, but it hasn't really stayed with me.

Same. The 'fuck you bitch' was balanced as well.

OP you know your husband best. However similarly to @VivX I am more than capable of going downstairs to lock up, and coming back upstairs having done something else and forgotten about locking up.

I could also quite easily think I'd done it. Or I might think I haven't done it because I can't recall actually locking the door, but upon checking I find that I did in fact do it.

I have always been like this and I appreciate that it can be exasperating to live with. I work hard at strategies to minimise the fallout that it creates. It is worse when I'm very tired or stressed.

Perhaps surprisingly I have bought up a wonderful 16 yo child, hold down a good job and manage a decent social life.

I appreciate how frustrating it must be for you especially as you are particularly aware of the risks of having an unlocked door.

I have a pretty relaxed attitude to locking doors and windows which I accept is maybe naive. I kind of have the attitude that if someone wants to break in then they will find a way. We also had 6 months without a back on our house so got used to living without any security.

Cooking mishap

It was an armed robbery and I think it has clearly stayed with me as the doors being locked is a particular concern for me

All of this, my DH has done it, I've done it. It happens. Not every night, but probably fairly frequently

Thanks everyone for opinions

My husband is the same, goes out leaves me alone working upstairs door unlocked. Very annoying. However, there have been times I've not checked the front door and I've gone to bed and it's unlocked. Because I wasn't using it last I assumed it was locked, as I always lock it. But husband was last in and didn't lock it. I just keep reminding him, and do it myself anyway.

That's an awful thing to have experienced, OP.

I think YABU in terms of your thread, but YANBU to feel the way you do about it, given your personal history.

My DH can do this sometimes but I’m trying not to be cross because I have similar issues. He usually forgets to lock front door after putting recycling or rubbish away but I haven’t closed our back door properly a few times. It looked closed for a few minutes and then became wide open but I was in a hurry to take Dd to the club and didn’t notice.
So now I check the front door and DH checks the back door.

Well just don't entrust him with this job. It'll have to be your job to lock up at night.

It doesn't bother me. We do not lock our back door.

We were broken into and there are a lot of burglaries around us, so I'd be quite upset. It's really risky with you all being in the home.

We had an aggravated burglary about 10 years ago and it definitely stays with you. In our case DH experienced it too and we're both security conscious as a result so it doesn't cause issues but I can see how you and your DH would have different perspectives as he hasn't been through it. So while I completely sympathise and agree with your view on locking up I do think you have to accept that he doesn't attach the same level of danger to an unlocked door as someone who has had their home (and so their sense of safety and security) violated.

In your shoes I would just accept that security is more important to me than it is to him because of my experience and take responsibility for locking up for my own peace of mind. Knowing now that there's a difference in the way you both view this means that doing it yourself is the only way you'll be sure anyway so it's probably better for you to make a proactive decision to manage your (understandable) anxiety rather than feeling let down because he doesn't really 'get it' and forgets again at some point.

I still have to check everything's locked even though I know I can trust DH to do it so I genuinely do understand how you feel though. We had to move as I could never have felt safe in that house afterwards and I'm not sure I'll ever feel safe in quite the same way as before it happened if I'm honest. And that's the bit your DH won't/can't ever really understand, because it hasn't happened to him.

I would wonder what exactly he got distracted by..

I do not understand how people think it OK to lie about locking the doors or actually to not lock the doors at night. It also invalidates your home insurance when someone walks in and hopefully robs you.

I'd honestly tell him he needs to see a doctor if he says he went downstairs to lock the door and windows and thinks he did but didn't.

So now you have yet another job to add to whatever else you do around the house.

Is there any other area where his incompetence has meant you inherit his jobs?

Why would it be outrageous? A bit of an over reaction. He just forgot. Maybe he’s just forgetful, generally? I definitely am. Maybe at nights you, you should be the one checking that every thing is locked up, for a peace of mind.

Men live in a different world to women - one in which they hardly ever have to think about personal safety (men are actually victims of more violent crime than women's but it is highly situation-specific - they do not have to be on their guard most of the time). I'm not excusing your DH, though - it drives me crazy when mine is slack about security.

Anyone can forget to lock a door or shut a window. He’s probably just forgetful. Checking if everything is shut takes moments, so the OP can do it for a peace of mind.

Do people who don’t lock doors bother to have insurance?

Well I cannot even think about leaving my doors open.. I guess you mean unlocked? I live in London and this isn’t the type of area where you would mess around with those sort of things or even go out late alone (one of our neighbours down a few roads was found with two women’s bodies in his freezer that’s the type of area we are in!)

Anyway we have two front doors which have Yale locks and the middle door cannot be opened without a key from the outside. The front door needs locking from the inside or it can be opened from the outside however we have always had the habit of locking the door as soon as we walk through the doors. It’s one of there subconscious things now that even when we have guests or people come to do checks we lock them in without realising, after all we won’t sit down with guests knowing the front door is unlocked!

The back door gets opened multiple times for the dog to go out but we have a balcony, just like the front door, as soon as the dog comes in it gets locked straight away, that key stays in the door so it can be locked and unlocked with ease.

Is this something you can do? Lock the doors as soon as you come in and as time goes on you won’t even try to open the door without unlocking it or closing it without locking it, it just becomes second nature. We also have a Chubb that automatically gets flicked when we are in.

we have had times of forgetting to lock the front door but because we have two front doors we are not as panicked but it’s something we try to make sure it is sorted next time.