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AIBU?

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Original poster

Locking the back door at night

180 replies

stickydoughnuts · 05/12/2022 23:36

How angry would you be if you were in bed with the baby and asked DH to go downstairs and lock up (reminding him windows are also open). He does this. You have to go down 30 mins later to get calpol and see the windows are unlocked, so check the back door. It’s unlocked.

is it just me that finds this outrageous? I was in a burglary as a child so not sure if I’m overreacting but it’s DH job to lock up nightly and now I’m concerned that I can’t even trust him to do it - I don’t want us to be murdered in our beds but also what did he even do downstairs whilst locking up?! Just stand there?

OP posts:
loislovesstewie · 06/12/2022 05:24

I live in a quiet area, but I never leave the external doors unlocked . It's just natural to me to lock them the minute I come into the house.

Neome · 06/12/2022 05:38

I am now in the habit of leaving a light on by the back door until I’ve locked it so ‘lock door, turn off light’ is a habit. I do go to lock it, pick up something that needs putting away, fiddle about with something else, remember I need X,Y or Z in the morning and even without help from DC or Dpet find I’ve somehow forgotten to ‘lock door, turn off light’. But the light is still on so that reminds me.

Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 06/12/2022 07:11

SnoozyLucy7 · 06/12/2022 04:56

Anyone can forget to lock a door or shut a window. He’s probably just forgetful. Checking if everything is shut takes moments, so the OP can do it for a peace of mind.

Show quote history

The thing is I’m in bed with a very clingy breastfed baby so in order to go and check it means, usually, disturbing the baby. That’s why it’s suboptimal.

but I see I will have to because it’s a concern and I can’t now trust that DH has done it

OP posts:
Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 06/12/2022 07:16

Tropicaliyes · 06/12/2022 05:11

Well I cannot even think about leaving my doors open.. I guess you mean unlocked? I live in London and this isn’t the type of area where you would mess around with those sort of things or even go out late alone (one of our neighbours down a few roads was found with two women’s bodies in his freezer that’s the type of area we are in!)

Anyway we have two front doors which have Yale locks and the middle door cannot be opened without a key from the outside. The front door needs locking from the inside or it can be opened from the outside however we have always had the habit of locking the door as soon as we walk through the doors. It’s one of there subconscious things now that even when we have guests or people come to do checks we lock them in without realising, after all we won’t sit down with guests knowing the front door is unlocked!

The back door gets opened multiple times for the dog to go out but we have a balcony, just like the front door, as soon as the dog comes in it gets locked straight away, that key stays in the door so it can be locked and unlocked with ease.

Is this something you can do? Lock the doors as soon as you come in and as time goes on you won’t even try to open the door without unlocking it or closing it without locking it, it just becomes second nature. We also have a Chubb that automatically gets flicked when we are in.

we have had times of forgetting to lock the front door but because we have two front doors we are not as panicked but it’s something we try to make sure it is sorted next time.

We live in Greater London - although this has reminded me that when we were young and childless and lived in Islington I found out that in the flat we lived in DH NEVER locked the front door! He thought the building door being locked was enough 😳 the front door would simply push open if anyone tried.

i always lock the door after letting the dog out but due to his job/the baby and the structure of our lives I’m upstairs all evening and he is last to bed so I’m relying on him to let the dog out last thing then lock up.

OP posts:
ThreeblackCats · 06/12/2022 07:19

Both of you are capable of checking doors and windows are closed and locked. Maybe make it part of your bedtime routine op, you don’t need to leave checking the doors as a mans job!

Redkettle · 06/12/2022 07:21

I don't see how he could forget after specifically being asked to go down and do it. That level of forgetfulness is odd tbh

luxxlisbon · 06/12/2022 07:21

Why would it be a ‘fuck you’ and he left it unlocked on purpose? Some people are mental.
He most likely went downstairs, also got a drink and a wee and then forgot why he went down in the first place. People make mistakes.

luxxlisbon · 06/12/2022 07:22

Redkettle · 06/12/2022 07:21

I don't see how he could forget after specifically being asked to go down and do it. That level of forgetfulness is odd tbh

Sometimes I go upstairs to get a hairbrush and by the time I get up my mind has wondered and I can’t remember what I was looking for. It’s not that odd.

LondonLovie · 06/12/2022 07:24

Sounds like he went downstairs, got distracted and forgot. I recently went out and forgot to lock the backdoor. DH came home and found it unlocked.

Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 06/12/2022 07:27

Redkettle · 06/12/2022 07:21

I don't see how he could forget after specifically being asked to go down and do it. That level of forgetfulness is odd tbh

This. I can’t remember now because I’ve had about 3 hours of sleep but I’m pretty certain when he came up I said “did too remember the windows” and he said “yes”.

@ThreeblackCats have you read my posts? It’s got nothing to do with his sex and everything to do with the practical issue of him generally coming up last and me being in bed with a baby sleeping on me (or not sleeping at all, as was the case last night!)

OP posts:
Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 06/12/2022 07:29

Im now wondering if he just never locks the back door. The door locked is quite stiff and I’ve mentioned getting it fixed and he says it’s totally fine but now I wonder if he just doesn’t bother and that’s why it’s fine.

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 06/12/2022 07:31

I would be annoyed too, very irresponsible.

Oneofeachclub · 06/12/2022 07:31

If God forbid you were to be burgled, would you be insured if doors and windows are open/unlocked?

Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 06/12/2022 07:33

Oneofeachclub · 06/12/2022 07:31

If God forbid you were to be burgled, would you be insured if doors and windows are open/unlocked?

I wouldn’t have thought so! Im
more worried about something happening to us/the children but the insurance is a good point.

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 06/12/2022 07:33

Oneofeachclub · 06/12/2022 07:31

If God forbid you were to be burgled, would you be insured if doors and windows are open/unlocked?

Sometimes yes, it depends on the insurance.

BreatheAndFocus · 06/12/2022 07:35

Sounds like he can’t be arsed. He’s (wrongly) judged what he thinks is adequate and only does that. He also sounds quite naive - living in a block of flats and not locking the front door of yours??

At best he’s naive, at worst he’s purposely ignoring you and pretending he’s done things when he hasn’t.

Original poster
stickydoughnuts · 06/12/2022 07:38

BreatheAndFocus · 06/12/2022 07:35

Sounds like he can’t be arsed. He’s (wrongly) judged what he thinks is adequate and only does that. He also sounds quite naive - living in a block of flats and not locking the front door of yours??

At best he’s naive, at worst he’s purposely ignoring you and pretending he’s done things when he hasn’t.

The weirdest thing is he grew up in central london! I don’t understand how he care more

OP posts:
Pythonese · 06/12/2022 07:41

Do it yourself then !. 🤷‍♂️

AlwaysGinPlease · 06/12/2022 07:44

I'd be incredibly angry OP.

@Pidgeonslipshit you think if it wasn't a dodgy area it would be ok? You don't think people try doors of houses in all areas, good and bad?

I cannot fathom the mentality of people who don't lock their doors at night regardless of area. My parents live in an incredibly nice area, there have been several break ins when the owners have been home.

There are some really nasty people about. Not just those seeking to steal either. Why make it easier for them and put yourselves and your family at risk.

MachineBee · 06/12/2022 07:46

My DH has a bit of resistance to household security too. His reasoning is a) we have nothing worth stealing (yes we do) and b) we live in a low crime area (but there are still burglaries locally).

I’ve been burgled (before I met him) and am now very careful. DH thinks I over-think it. He’s very good at doing lots of other stuff that’s important so I just have locking up as my job now. Gives me reassurance and saves me getting annoyed at him.

gogohmm · 06/12/2022 07:46

I've taught dp to lock straight after coming in, he was a nightmare at first regularly leaving doors (including front) unlocked as he's a country boy whereas im from the city (live in a quiet town). Unless it's really hot the door is locked as soon as the dog is in

KangarooKenny · 06/12/2022 07:47

I would be annoyed too. Ive found the back door unlocked before now, and a ground floor window open. It’s irresponsible and lazy.

Witsendwilly · 06/12/2022 07:49

Honestly. Anyone who is that bothered about making sure doors are locked should look at smart locks.

easy to check they are locked from anywhere, easy to unlock from anywhere for visitors/trades. Alerts you if not locked or door is open.

Easy to fit and total piece of mind.. loads of manufactures but Yale so good ones of people are concerned about a known brand name.

BCBird · 06/12/2022 07:51

How can you know he did this on purpose? My ex used to leave my front door unlocked all the tune. I gently asked if he'd locked it.job done. He was used to being in the depth of rural Wales where they rarely locked their doors, whereas I live in a town- not the nicest part either. Could it be that he just doesn't see the dangers you see? Hope you get some resolution. I think I would just do it myself.

username11122 · 06/12/2022 07:51

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 06/12/2022 04:56

Men live in a different world to women - one in which they hardly ever have to think about personal safety (men are actually victims of more violent crime than women's but it is highly situation-specific - they do not have to be on their guard most of the time). I'm not excusing your DH, though - it drives me crazy when mine is slack about security.

This is true, I worry if I might have to walk home from the high street if it was dusk, DH goes out at any hour without really thinking about it.

I think the DH probably forgot, maybe he did something else when he got down there, had a drink, went to the toilet, something like that

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