To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

[User478]

If it's care work then you shouldn't struggle to find a new job if you left this one.

What is their plan if you come down with D&V on Christmas Eve? (Which seems to happen to most of the people I have worked with over Christmas!)

Could your mum have him later in the day so you could do the afternoon and she does the morning? (Not ideal but might be a compromise)

Next year tell them you've booked Christmas away on Christmas Island and they'll need to cover your return flight home and back if they want you to work 1 day out of your 2 weeks off.

[silentpool]

Having children is not a trump card. If this has been an issue since April, you are being unreasonable not to have sorted something else out by now.

[ivykaty44]

Get your manager to manage as that’s what they/she/he is paid for and start earning their money.

if staff can sort out their own stuff between them what’s the point of a manager

[Katapolts]

If it was me, I'd leave it up to the manager.

I'd say to them - I booked this leave in April, I can't work Christmas Day as I have no childcare cover, I can either have that day as annual leave or unpaid parental leave but I can't come to work.
Then leave it up to the manager to sort.

[rookiemere]

@Scottishskifun

Speak to your colleague explain the situation and that you will work it next year.

I agree your manager is being rubbish in this! If you were my colleague I would agree in an instant

I would agree on a couple of provisos.

Firstly if OP said what she said in her OP about me not needing to be off on Christmas Day, hell would freeze over before I would do it. If she begged based in what she has said about her DS I probably would.

Secondly I'd expect to have at least one of the other days for that two week period offered to me as a replacement instead.

[Caszekey]

@Jessiejuju what other unappealing shifts is she working? Can Mom have DC on any of those? See if she'll trade.

[Willmafrockfit]

just tell them you have no child care
you cannot work.
if you cannot persuade to share the shift/half each and involve your mum

[AlecTrevelyan006]

Your manager should sort this out - does my head in when managers shirk their responsibilities

[LlynTegid]

If I have understood and read this correctly, this issue was known about in April. Manager should have sorted it out ages ago.

[Jessiejuju]

I have spoken to my colleague and offered to work her boxing day shift when my mum can watch my son but she is refusing to withdraw her request I have told my manager and he said that if we can't work it out he will expect me to come in as I have everyothef day off and if I don't it will be a disaplinary like I said in previous years his dad would look after him and my mum has bank holidays off so would have him then. The fact that it's Xmas is irrelevant in this house as my son isn't aware I'm not really sure what I'm going to do in future years, I have been looking for a part time job but not had much luck.

[MXVIT]

Omg you're so right Christmas only becomes important when you have kids.

[SD1978]

Sorry- it's a bit confusing- surely try first to request gets it? And if you've booked for AL for two weeks, then you're off the whole two weeks. You don't get AL, but then not a particular day in that 2 week block. How long have you worked there? How many Christmas days have you worked up until now?

[NotToBeShaked]

Personally I think its wrong of your manager to give a 2 week stint of AL but leave out one day. What if you were going away ?

Can the ex not have him?

[AllOfThemWitches]

Having children isn't a 'trump card,' no, but having a child with additional needs makes finding childcare much harder. Stop pretending otherwise.

[Bunnycat101]

There are some really bitchy posts here. The OP isn’t saying she wants to make magic with her children therefore deserves it off. She has some very specific caring needs on a day that is really difficult if not impossible to find paid childcare for. Her colleague doesn’t by the sounds of it have those same challenges so may be willing to cover.

if I was local and in a similar position as the colleague I’d be willing to do the shift.

[HattyBatty]

Of course Christmas morning for a 4 year old is more important than a childless woman. It won’t be affecting her plans at all. The other colleague should be ashamed of herself. Your manager is pathetic too, this should’ve been sorted in April. Thankfully there are plenty of care jobs so don’t worry about finding more work.

[Onlythings]

@Vinvertebrate

I am guessing from the fact that you have not answered the question that your colleague requested first? If so then I think you have to suck it up. (I am also a parent to a child with ASC who was once also single and childless for more than a decade while other folk's holiday requests trumped mine!)

If she is feeling very kind she may toss a coin. But I think YABU to expect not to have to work in a job which clearly involves working the occasional weekend.

Where is your DC's other parent in all this?

She has answered this, saying that they both put in for it on the same day but Boss won’t say anymore than “sort it out between yourselves”.

Not an adequate answer from her boss who should be sorting this out. Not OP.

[Soontobe60]

You can request parental leave. www.gov.uk/parental-leave
toud need to get the request in today though!

[Mariposista]

@DCwow

Oh yeah I forgot! If you don’t have children then Christmas and family means absolutely nothing to you!

This. Parents claiming they have higher priority over Christmas and holidays over non parents disgust me. Yes the childcare thing is an issue but she has just as much right to a happy Christmas day with her family.

[Bobbins36]

Colleague having one day off and you are having the full 2 weeks minus one day. She’s quite right and entitled to the holiday she got approved prior to yours.

[FelizNavicrab]

Your manager's a dick for both leaving it for 8 months before telling you to sort it out among you. Spineless twat.

That aside, I think this is a different scenario than the usual parents just wanting to spend Xmas Day with their children and, if I were your colleague, I would probably agree to switch if asked nicely. It seems clear to me this is a one off as the result of rotten luck and and rubbish manager.

This is more likely to go over well if you've already got a history of agreeing to swaps they've requested in the past.

[AllOfThemWitches]

Tbh can they even sack you for this? Seems illegal or something.

[Katapolts]

@Jessiejuju

I have spoken to my colleague and offered to work her boxing day shift when my mum can watch my son but she is refusing to withdraw her request I have told my manager and he said that if we can't work it out he will expect me to come in as I have everyothef day off and if I don't it will be a disaplinary like I said in previous years his dad would look after him and my mum has bank holidays off so would have him then. The fact that it's Xmas is irrelevant in this house as my son isn't aware I'm not really sure what I'm going to do in future years, I have been looking for a part time job but not had much luck.

Be clear with the manager that you can't sort it and you won't be coming to work that day and take the disciplinary.

[dizzydizzydizzy]

@NewToWoo

Discuss this with your manager. Tell them it is unrealistic that you can find anyone to mind your SEN son on Christmas Day and that you won't be able to honour that shift.

This.

[CornishGem1975]

I'd be pissed off if I was asked to withdraw my request on the basis that I didn't have kids, and that would probably make me dig my heels in.

That said, this your manager's issue to sort out.