To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

Is there anything you can offer her in exchange? When I was in the nhs those who had families often preferred Christmas off ( not all of it obviously) but didn’t mind working New Year.

Id help you out as a colleague but reframe it as a please can you do me a massive favour rather than ‘I need it more than you because I have a child’.

You shouldn't have to sort this out between yourselves, especially if you both have leave already approved. Is she covering your work for the whole of the 2 week period because you put the request in back in April?

Not one for Christmas Day perhaps, but start cultivating nursery staff as babysitters.

She anticipated that when she booked two weeks' leave eight months in adavance, that she wouldn't be asked to do a three hour shift in the middle of it, eight months later, maybe?

Op I mean this kindly because I can imagine how difficult this is for you, but I think you need to look for a new term time job. You’re looking for a short term solution to a long term problem. This year, you could ask your colleague if she would kind and explain your situation, but nurseries will be closed every year. It will massively breed resentment with your colleagues if they work christmas every year and you don’t. Especially if you have the two weeks around christmas off!

You may have requested it on the same day but time matters. Whoever asked for it first on that day gets it.

It’s poor management to ask you to decide amongst yourselves. And why has it been left so late?

what hours have been you been asked to work?

You need to take the "she doesn't have children" out of it.

If it was a full day, it should be on the basis of who worked it last year. As it's only 3 hours and you both reqiested at the same time, I think it's reasonable to have a discussion that should be facilitated by the Manager around who it will have the least impact on.

Have I missed where you've said what your Christmas Day plans are? Will it be just the 2 of you or are you seeing family? Could you sleepover with family, open some presents/breakfast together early, you go and work the shift, back in time for lunch and more presents? Does DC see their other parent? Could that happen during the shift hours?
What is the job? Can it be covered from home with your dc there?

I'm sorry OP, I think lots of people hear are being very bitchy. You are in a dire situation. Tell your manager that you just can't - presumably they know your situation? Your son would be frightened and it would be cruel to him, and you just can't. Also, point out that it's unfair to land you with this less than 3 weeks before Christmas, when you had made arrangements since April.
It's not first come first served, and certainly not when both made request on first available date.
Try contacting HR if there is one; that might be better than your manager as they don't seem too good. Really stress the disability issue your son has too.
All the best.

I had a arrangement with my manager so I didn't work weekends but in March we found out a colleague would be retiring at the end of November so people's hours might change which is why I made sure to book off the Xmas holidays and my mum booked off the other weekends for Dec to watch him but she is working a night on Xmas eve so she can't have him Xmas morn.

Op I don't think yabu. I have 3 kids but in this situation I'd see your needs trump mine because I can leaven ine with DH. It isn't a slate on childless people, it's about having caring needs. Who's going to do childcare on Xmas morning? And not just a randi teenager who hates their parents but someone able to care for an autistic child. If childcare wasn't an issue then op could do Xmas Day a day early or late but she's going to have to quit or neglect her child's basic needs

Blimey I’d happily do your 3 hour shift on Christmas Day so you could spend it with your son. I don’t go away for Christmas, we spend it at home and everyone comes to us.
Of course Christmas is for everyone who wants to celebrate it, but if I were in your colleagues position and I could see you would have no childcare for your 4 year old, I’d do it in a heartbeat, Christmas is one day. Nursery is shut and your son is non verbal. it doesn’t sound like you have anyone close by that you know enough to leave him there for the few hours you’d bed at work.
Anyway, I’m clearly in the minority here but to be finished at 10am I’d do it.

I don't understand how you could have booked this off in April and only heard now.'it's also completely unreasonable to expect you to have a two week holiday and come in for one morning in the middle of the two week break. This is your managers problem not yours

I see your point but having worked in essential services that remain open over Christmas, everyone knows they will have to work christmas day at some point.

Yes, YABU. Just because she doesn’t have kids, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the right to spend time with her family on Christmas Day. You lost my sympathy right there as you’re making her sound like she’s less than you just because she doesn’t have kids.

This. It’s extremely lazy of your manager to tell you to sort it out yourselves. If you manage yourselves what on earth is he for?

yanbu

Got all the days except Xmas day accepted.

@Jessiejuju what has your colleague said? Have you made her and the manager aware you have no child care so you CANNOT come in that morning regardless?

I would explain the situation to your colleague and see what she says. If I were her, I would work it for you considering the circumstances.

This is daft. So people who work a 8-2 shift can always book Christmas off, but those working a later shift can't? Even if they work a later shift to fit around children or health issues they have, they always come last?
Bonkers idea.

Who actually booked first though? Unless you put requests in on the exact same minute, one of you requested first.

It's managements issue - they shouldn't have left it this late to see a clash in the schedule.

Don't talk about her situation at all, it's inviting the "oh so my Christmas doesn't matter because I don't have children!" response.

Just explain your impossible situation as a single mum of an disabled child and beg.

That seems really unfair on your colleague. Have you any family that would keep an eye on your son?

OP have you actually asked the other person yet?

You haven't answered what you normally do when you have to work on a Sunday, or one of the other BH. Nurseries don't usually work weekends and Bank Holidays.

Also what provision do you have for if he is unwell and can't go to nursery?

Frankly if you are struggling now for one shift at Christmas what will you ddo when he starts school? That's when the real childcare problems start.

Anyway another one saying it is unfair to always expect people without children to cover. Whoever asked first should get it. If neither of you will back down the manager will have to decide.

This is very poor management and you should kick it back to them. You requested the shift off in April, why was it not accepted or declined by management then? That is the cause of this issue. It's their job to sort this out not yours.