To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

[Jessiejuju]

So I work in care so I can't work remotely this is my first year being a single mama his dad walked out on us in January so last year his dad who didn't work watched him and I did infact work Xmas day and boxing day and I fully intend to find a better solution for next year unfortunately this year I don't really have any choice I made sure I got my request is ASAP as my mum had already said that she would not be able to have him Xmas day.

[Y7drama]

so was your booking for Christmas Day not accepted back in April when the other days were accepted?

[rookiemere]

Explain your Christmas Day situation, do not say she doesn't need Christmas as much because she has no DCs
Sorry as only skim read, but any other days you can cancel to make up for it ?

[napody]

@takeasadsongandmakeitbetter

I agree with other posters that having children doesn't give more of a right to enjoy Christmas etc but I think OP is actually saying that she needs the time to care for her son, it's almost irrelevant that the co worker had no children. Even if they both had children then OP doesn't have childcare.

This.
There is no way she will find a babysitter to look after her autistic non verbal child on Christmas morning.
Manager should have raised it a long time ago if there was a problem. She physically can't be there on Christmas day. I wouldn't be bringing the colleague into it. 'You need to sort it amongst yourselves': nope. That's one of the tasks managers are paid more for.

[KimberleyClark]

OP what happened last year, and what do you expect to happen next year, and the year after that?

[Athenen0ctua]

I'm a lone parent with have a teenage child and I would happily work Christmas morning if you were my colleague, you need the day off more. I'd explain to your colleague that you have no childcare and you are unable to work.

[Adultchildofelderlyparents]

Your childcare issues are not her problem!
On the face of it, she has booked one day off and you are getting 13 days off, which seems more than reasonable.
The problem is not her holiday request it's your lack of childcare back up - your problem to solve.

[Fairyliz]

I would ask her nicely and see what she says. If I was the colleague I would consider it but it would depend on our working relationship.
Have you been kind and friendly to this colleague, interested in her life, done your fair share of the work? No I know these things shouldn’t matter but as a human I would be more likely to help someone I liked.

[SeenAndNot]

I’m with you OP, you’re in an impossible situation. Your manager should have approved or denied this back in April so that plans could have been put in place. Absolutely shoddy management to ask you to sort it out.

[niugboo]

Your boss is the boss. It’s his literal job to sort this.

Tell him what you have told us. You cannot work. And you will have no choice but to resign if you do. Let him figure it out.

There are thousands of care jobs out there. Move on if you have to.

have a lovely Christmas.

[Redglitter]

@monsteronahill

Who actually booked first though? Unless you put requests in on the exact same minute, one of you requested first.

It's managements issue - they shouldn't have left it this late to see a clash in the schedule.

Exactly. You might have both asked on the same day but one of you got there first.

We've had clashes at my work & it's always decided by who asked first even if both applications have gone in on the same day its then based on the time it was submitted

If your colleague got in first try explaining the situation to her but for goodness sake don't mention the fact she has no children.

[TheChosenTwo]

People saying that op has booked 2 weeks off so it’s fair that her colleague gets christmas day off - you know it comes from Op’s annual leave allowance? It’s not free time her employers have given her just because she’s a mum that the colleague isn’t getting. If the colleague had wanted 2 weeks off then aswell I’m sure she’d have put in a request. It’s not a question of fairness, it’s how people decide to split their leave.
at my work you have to request time off in the week leading up to Christmas but only a certain number of people are allowed the time off.
I choose to work, not because I don’t want to be off with my kids but because I know dh will be about to cover it and we only get a certain
amount of leave (although it’s very generous). I’m not huffy with those that will be off, I could have requested it too.

[SuperCamp]

So is she working Boxing Day, NYD etc due to your two weeks off?

I get that £100 to cover one shift that you get paid £35 is a lot. But it isn’t a lot if you consider that as your total childcare bill for the holiday period, or in context of not having a job at all.

I do sympathise OP, but for all you know your colleague might be absolutely desperate for some alone time relaxing with her DP and NOT spent with her ILs. And is she covering all the other bank hols because if your 2 week leave?

It’s tough all round. If you don’t get Christmas Day off maybe look around in the NY for a job that doesn’t require difficult shifts. At least check your UC status before leaving a job.

[Willmafrockfit]

can you split the shift with her?
and that way can your mum help?

[LimeCheesecake]

I think it’s terrible your manager has left it until now to sort this out and left it to you to sort !

I would talk to manager first and say you booked these two weeks off in April to give them time to sort this as you can’t work as you have no childcare and will not be able to find childcare at this late notice. Had they declined your leave back in April, this would have given you time to find out if there was anyone available or look for a different job.

Be clear you are not available- that’s why you booked the time off. It’s their job to sort it out.

id definitely be looking for a new job in the new year.

[Geneticsbunny]

You don't need to quit. You can request unpaid parental leave. It is specifically meant to be used for periods where there is an issue with childcare (not last minute). Usually you have to take it a week at a time but if you have a child on DLA you can take it a day at a time
You get 4 weeks a year and if disabled it can be used up until they are 18.

Your employer cannot refuse it but they can ask for it to be moved to another time of the service demands it.

[Scottishskifun]

Speak to your colleague explain the situation and that you will work it next year.

I agree your manager is being rubbish in this! If you were my colleague I would agree in an instant

[SleepingStandingUp]

@5foot5

You haven't answered what you normally do when you have to work on a Sunday, or one of the other BH. Nurseries don't usually work weekends and Bank Holidays.

Also what provision do you have for if he is unwell and can't go to nursery?

Frankly if you are struggling now for one shift at Christmas what will you ddo when he starts school? That's when the real childcare problems start.

Anyway another one saying it is unfair to always expect people without children to cover. Whoever asked first should get it. If neither of you will back down the manager will have to decide.

She has. She has an agreement with boss to not work them normally, but they're short staffed. Mom also help normally but also has a shift to work Xmas Eve so will be sleeping through Xmas morning

[Vinvertebrate]

I am guessing from the fact that you have not answered the question that your colleague requested first? If so then I think you have to suck it up. (I am also a parent to a child with ASC who was once also single and childless for more than a decade while other folk's holiday requests trumped mine!)

If she is feeling very kind she may toss a coin. But I think YABU to expect not to have to work in a job which clearly involves working the occasional weekend.

Where is your DC's other parent in all this?

[Tessabelle74]

Christmas day is a Sunday, nurseries in the UK don't open on Sunday so if you're here in the who has him when you normally work Sundays? I'm sure you can ask her to cover it, but having kids doesn't trump who booked it first

[FiveShelties]

Have you spoken to your colleague about this? If she does your Xmas Day shift could you do her New Year's Eve shift to make it fair. It does seem unfair that you have the two weeks off she only has the one day off though, so I would be careful how you ask her.

[SleepingStandingUp]

If you both booked in April, why has this only come to light in DECEMBER?

[mymeatballsmymeatballs]

I wish people would RTFT.

YADNBU. 100% not unreasonable. I can't believe that she's not done the decent thing and already said that she'll work the 3 hours. You're in an impossible situation and your manager should do their job and just say she has to work. There's no alternative, no one else to look after your son so what do they expect you to do? God, I'm angry on your behalf.

[RhubarbStrawberry]

You worked last Christmas day. Did the other woman? We used to take it in turn to work Christmas rather than who asked first.

[Willmafrockfit]

we also took it in turns