To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

Your boss isn’t being a good boss

In fact why on earth are they a boss if they can’t make the decision?!

Wow, OP. Punctuation is your friend.

Even if the colleagues whole family had terminal cancer it would make no difference as the OP would still need to find child care.

I would also factor in the difficulty with childcare as it's not easy to secure on Christmas Day. I would also take account of any other relevant personal circumstances for the other person (eg caring responsibilities that aren't related to children).

How would you decide regarding childcare? In the case of two parent families would you be coordinating with the ‘other’ parent’s employer? Employees who live with a SAHP should never get leave? Would you be interrogating single parents as to whether this was ‘their’ Christmas to have DC?

You say you consider whether or not the person worked last Christmas, but surely the same (childless) people end up working every Christmas if you’re always taking these factors into account?

It has to be fair. People are entitled to time with their families and friends at Christmas whether they have children or not. If you ask for Christmas Day and you've worked the last two for example then I would want to grant you this Christmas even if it means that people with children have to work.

OP's situation is a little different because I've never worked somewhere that has staff in on the actual day. Our usual issues are about Christmas Eve which is easier as there are usually childcare options available.

Managers have to make tough decisions. They have to make them balancing the best interests of the individual, the wider team and the business need. Having information to assist that helps.

I would never 'interrogate' anyone about anything. I'd ask if there was any information they wanted to share in order to assist in my decision making.

The point I'm making is that I wouldn't abrogate that responsibility and say to two members of staff to agree who was working between themselves. I don't know what the answer is here because I don't know enough about the situation but I can imagine it's difficult to find a childcare provider on Christmas Day. I can be sympathetic to the OPs difficulty without thinking that her colleague should give up her Christmas. There's no simple solution

This is not sensible advice when staff may be sole carers for a disabled person.

OH MY GOD, how shit are your comprehension skills? Whether or not OP's son 'cares' if she's there or not (which he probably does, just because he's autistic, doesn't mean he's incapable of feeling), he can't spend the day on his own...

Some real dumb fucks on here. 'Autism has nothing to do with it.' Lol.

Does paid childcare even exist at the times the OP would need it, and on Xmas Day no less?! It sure as hell doesn't exist where I live!! When I was trying to find childcare for my 2DC to cover my shift times, the only person I found (in a 20 miles radius of where I lived) who would cover 0630hrs to 2030hrs (I'm a nurse) charged £220/day. That was 8 years ago, and for a year I did two days at that rate each week, plus 2-3 days at nursery for my youngest DC (and school wraparound care for my eldest DC) - so I paid more to childcare than I actually earned as there wasn't the possibility to change my hours. There was no paid childcare that would cover night shifts (there still isn't in my area). Nurseries in the area opened from 07:30hrs and closed 18:30hrs, so I had to beg/rely on people/XH (assuming he hadn't gone AWOL) to cover wraparound for those hours. My day shift is 0700hrs to 2000hrs. My kids are NT with no disabilities or medical/care needs, therefore finding childcare is easier for me than it would be for OP. I reckon that finding childcare from circa 0600hrs to 1100hrs for a child who has additional and complex needs would be next to impossible.

OP, my heart goes out to you. I'm a single parent too and it's bloody hard trying to juggle all these things. I really hope that you find something workable moving forward. Wishing you all the best x

I've done the main childcare for my GC as their mother is a nurse, their father also works shifts and isn't local so sometimes he can help and sometimes he can't. I honestly don't know how she'd have managed her shifts if I hadn't, I was happy to have them so not being a martyr but it does make you think how others manage.

OP you need to email your manager, so it's recorded. You put leave in in Apr, you've worked last xyz over Xmas periods. There are no childcare facilities on Xmas day so you are not available to work at 7am due to xyz but could work xyz as per previous discussions you have declined this. Don't waffle, just state the facts.

If you're not in a union, join one ASAP and let him take you to disciplinary and then contest it. You've worked there over 2yrs so you have employment rights.

I agree with pp^ put it all in writing setting out what you've done and when you have worked and the solutions you have tried to find.

Would you be able to offer to take unpaid leave? So there is no business cost, just some inconvenience

A quick google found this regarding Dependent's Leave/parental leave - might be helpful
workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-work/#ELFD

Exactly. How ever they would deal with that situation should be used to deal with this one. Your manager/employers are arseholes.

I don’t think anyone has failed to have sympathy for OP’s situation, but it is not her colleague’s problem to solve.

There is no reason why the colleague should be treated less favourably due to OP’s inability to work on a contracted day.

It is for the manager to decide what to do. They could have found a solution which wasn’t detrimental to OP or her colleague, such as employ agency staff.

If both OP and her colleague had compelling reasons for not being able to work on that day they would have to find another option. That’s what managers are paid for.

There is no point in threatening OP with disciplinary action. It’s not going to get her into work on that day, and it is extremely unfair to the residents / other members of staff who will be even more short handed on that day.

Exactly. Alot of thorny comments to.

FestiveFruitloop, I'm not sure where you got the impression I am answerable to you. This is not my thread, I am answering the thread and I won't be bullied in to not stating rational facts just because you'd rather I didn't show support for the OP whose very predicament is about having a child to care for, she can't exactly leave them on their own, that in itself makes her situation quite different to the colleague's as there is literally no choice on Christmas day.

How is the service user going to go without care? Either one or the other will have to work?

It is not the colleugues problem It is the managers problem Thats why the fuckers are paid more to MANAGE

I couldn't find that original comment so quoted it here but what a bizarre response! I have autistic high needs daughter I don't think she would care if I wasn't there but I know other autistic children who absolutely would care if their parent wasn't there and would more than likely have a massive meltdown and it absolutely is because they have autism! As the saying goes when u have meet one child with autism u have meet one child as in they are all different and just because your child can or does something doesn't mean all children do!

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this 💐

Your work are being shocking in the way they are handling it. If there’s a parent company or higher HR department I would really consider contacting them and explaining the impact of their decision and all the other holidays you’ve worked etc.

Being a single parent is stressful enough at the best of times, and you’ve obviously done everything you reasonably can to, well, be reasonable.

I can’t imagine they would be foolish enough to take the disciplinary very far (isn’t your field of work incredibly short staffed at the moment?)
If you end up with something on your work record which could impact your standing, there or for another employer, then I would ask for a note to be added written by you and explaining the circumstances and time frame in which they asked you to accommodate them on Christmas Day. Make sure it highlights that they were fully aware of your home circumstances and that their decision does not reflect the duty of care they owe you.

For what it's worth OP, if I was your colleague, I would cover that shift in a heartbeat just so you could spend Christmas morning with your son. Hope you manage to sort something out! X

What decision? The decision was already made months ago. Ops colleague had the holiday approved in April the OP didn't. The colleague still requires the day off. There is no decision to be made, the OP is expected to work as per her contract.

There was maybe a slight chance, based on clients needs, less staff would be required, this was never promised.

OP has left until 3 weeks before Christmas instead of making childcare plans during the last few months so she can fulfil her contracted obligations.

Everyone has sympathy with the OPs situation, but it is unfair to put the responsibility for it onto her manager or colleague.

Well they can't physically force her into work can they, maybe the manager should cover it....... Yknow christmas spirit and all that. Leading by example, solving a problem that the op has no control over!

Threatening disciplinary action isn't going to make it any more possible for OP to find Xmas day early morning childcare for her very young high needs child. If the shift needs covering it's an organisational responsibility not either colleagues. Is there no-one else in the entire company who would be prepared to cover the shift, for enhanced pay, and easily be home for Xmas lunch? What would they do if you were both off sick?