To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

Have you booked the whole two weeks and she has only booked Christmas Day?

To those saying she has to work, who is going to have her son?

This sounds like your manager’s problem. You have no more right than her to have it off BUT I would potentially agree to this in her position given the length and timing of the shift, if you asked nicely and without demanding.

But really this is your manager’s fault!

Wholly inappropriate that your manager has asked you to sort this out between you. In my workplace it would just be a case of first come first served.

Could you split the shift? That's what some of us do that have kids. So you'd need your DS to be somewhere morning or afternoon but at least you get to see him.

Discuss this with your manager. Tell them it is unrealistic that you can find anyone to mind your SEN son on Christmas Day and that you won't be able to honour that shift.

The way it works at my work is that you note preference for Xmas or NY and usually there's enough of a balance that it works out. If it doesn't, which has only happened once in 10+ years, they ask for volunteers and if none, they flip a coin/pull names out of a hat. That person would then be exempt from Xmas working the next year if the same situ occurred.

Your manager needs to step up, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's you who will get the day.

It's the manager's responsibility to make the decision. They shouldn't be asking the employees to sort it out between themselves.

You have the whole 2 weeks bar 3 hours? In this case I think yabu to your colleague - perhaps she's going the day before? Perhaps they have plans to visit others, perhaps she just wants a lie in, the reality is it's her Christmas too and she put her request in before yours (just). Can't your child's father help out? Obviously not if you are a widow but you don't state that.

Just saw the update. Have you actually tried speaking to your colleague? Go in to the conversation with no entitlement, just explain that you’re in a really difficult position and would she be open. If you can’t decide between you, I’d either bump it back to the manager, or go to HR and ask for time stamps of the holiday requests and whoever asked first gets it, it’s the only fair way.

What did you anticipate would happen when you took the job? What will you do for childcare over the summer holidays? If I was your colleague I would probably feel guilty enough to cancel my leave but I would resent it. I would also be wondering what will happen next year? Are you expecting your colleague to work every Christmas day whilst you get the day off every year?

Your manager is useless. This stuff is very basic. Whomever asked first should get it and if it’s unclear he needs to decide. If she declines to cancel I hope she doesn’t het bullied into doing so because you’re threatening to quit.

If you both asked at the same time, who worked last Xmas day? Year before that?

Of course Christmas is still a thing for childfree adults but getting childcare at Christmas must be horrendously difficult. I'd happily cover for a colleague in that situation, before I had DCs and now that I have a DH who would do the childcare.

F

If your colleague says no just go sick on the day and tell manager you will work from home. Don't leave your job because of one day

I think your manager is actually being very very unreasonable to wash their hands of the issue and leave it to the two of you to sort. They sound very weak.

So there are only two of yo7, but you want the entire 2 weeks off at Xmas and she is only asking for 1 day?

did you discuss this with her before expecting her to work all over Xmas?

I'm not saying that it means nothing I'm just saying that if she would work the shift it would not affect her and her husbands plans his parents live 30 minutes away and they don't get there until 11 anyway where as I would have to pay £100+ for proper childcare to work a shift u would get £35 for.

Again, what childcare would you normally use on a Sunday?

You booked the two weeks back in April, and they were accepted? Then those days are yours. If you were going away on holiday the manager wouldn't be asking you to do Christmas day.

Surely this is a cut and dried 'booked and accepted' leave, that's only an issue for the colleague and the manager?

OP didn't mention that her colleague is child free because she thinks she's more entitled to Christmas off. She mentioned it to show that OP has caring responsibilities and her colleague doesn't.

It really is not acceptable for a Manager to put this on staff, he is setting you up to be enemies for life. It should be first come first served and left at that, then if you are still there next year it will be your turn.

It's your manager's job to decide and he should honour whichever request arrived first.

Well if you're going to leave your job if you can't get it off then presumably your colleague is going to be working Christmas Day whatever happens.

Speak to them as soon as possible - if their plans really are as you've indicated then they might well say yes, there's no point fretting over it until they say no.