To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

[mam0918]

People who think WANTING to visit family for lunch is remotely the same as HAVING to care for a child (especially a disabled one) are batshit.

Yes they also have family but visiting parents and siblings for a social party is not remotely the same as having a 'dependent'.

[Itloggedmeoutagain]

I'm just looking at this from the point of view of your colleagues. You don't work any weekends and you have booked 2 full weeks off at Christmas. So they have to do all the weekends? And the two weeks off Christmas?
But I fully agree that it should not have been left to now to sort

[MatronicO6]

Yeah, this is definitely a manager problem. It also should have been sorted ages ago if both booked in April. If she is working all the other bank holidays I would tell him you can't do the shift but are willing to take on one of other BH shifts to give some time to other.

Also, the manager could also step in and provide the cover. One of my aunt's worked in care and she would step in at times like this. It falls on them to cover the shift and if they failed to address double booked holidays that's their responsibility to sort.

[OwwwMuuuum]

You have kids so you win Christmas. I can’t believe anyone upthread really would be selfish enough to think anything otherwise. If you don’t have kids, you don’t get priority on Xmas annual leave in my book.

[Kedece2410]

I appreciate your mums working Christmas Eve but since your shifts only 3 hours couldn't she just have him & sleep before/after she's had him. Its not ideal but when you're really stuck surely she wouldn't mind. I know a lot of my colleagues have to stay up after a night shift or split their sleep due to childcare

What about your sons Dad?

[Saddogmum73]

Why can’t his dad watch him this year?

[KillingLoneliness]

@MXVIT

Omg you're so right Christmas only becomes important when you have kids.

She isn’t saying that though is she? She has a non verbal child with autism, no family available to care for him and do you think it’s going to be easy to find a child minder on Christmas Day for a disabled child who more than likely requires a strict routine and familiarity.
Having children is not a trump card but the OPs situation is a lot difficult and complicated than her colleagues.

[MaggieFS]

How is this only just coming up now if you booked them off in April?

[fairgame84]

Who worked it last year?

Whoever worked it last year should get it off this year. That's how it works at our place. There's lots of parents, some are single, some have disabled dc but we all have to do our fair share at Christmas.

[Vinvertebrate]

She has answered this, saying that they both put in for it on the same day but Boss won’t say anymore than “sort it out between yourselves”

Oh come on, the OP has been asked which request was submitted first. I am guessing it wasn't at the exact same moment even if on the same day. That person should get it - first come first served. The OP's home circumstances are irrelevant - her job involves working weekends.

Imagine the AIBU from the colleague! "I've only been given one day off this Christmas but my colleague wants me to cancel it because I have no children". GTFOOH.

[HerMajestysRoyalCoven]

It sounds as though she requested it first and is therefore entitled to it, and you've put her nose out of joint by asking her to withdraw her perfectly legitimate request on the basis that you have kids and she doesn't, and she doesn't need to see her family on Xmas Day as she sees them all the time. I'm not surprised she's not being helpful.

I'm in her position - working my 9th Christmas in a row this year as parent colleagues kick up a massive fuss if they don't get priority. There's always a sob story and you get ground down by everyone treating you like you don't matter as much. It's also always the female colleagues who get leaned on with the emotive language - the male parent is always AWOL and never expected to step up, whereas us women are expected to act like co-parents to everyone else's children.

You need to apply for unpaid parental leave at this point I think.

[Summerishere123]

Tell your boss that there is no childcare solution for you so if he wants you to work you will be bringing your child along with you.

[msbevvy]

If it was booked so long ago and was approved apart from Christmas Day it sounds as if maybe the colleague had already booked Christmas Day beforehand. Are you sure this is not the case?
What time does your Mum finish work? Is she able to change her shift at all?

[HangOnASecond]

If I was your colleague, I’d cancel for you as her plans don’t need to change. Hope you get it sorted.

[napody]

@Jessiejuju

I have spoken to my colleague and offered to work her boxing day shift when my mum can watch my son but she is refusing to withdraw her request I have told my manager and he said that if we can't work it out he will expect me to come in as I have everyothef day off and if I don't it will be a disaplinary like I said in previous years his dad would look after him and my mum has bank holidays off so would have him then. The fact that it's Xmas is irrelevant in this house as my son isn't aware I'm not really sure what I'm going to do in future years, I have been looking for a part time job but not had much luck.

Reading your update I'm really sorry you're going through this, I'm angry on your behalf.

As lots of people have said, there is such a shortage of care workers you wouldn't struggle to get another job. I don't really see what choice you have but to take the 'disciplinary'. But honestly I think it's awful that you're being put through this stress.

[Hospital2022]

Why would you have leave your job?

What would happen if you simply told them you can't go in as you can't get /afford the child care. Would you just loose a days pay? Because if you can't get childcare there's nothing you can do ti get into work . You can't leave a child home alone. You don't have a magic wound. That way you get your day off and all the complications are gone. And your friend gets her day of to .

[Cap89]

I’m sorry you’re getting such a hard time OP. I agree with others that this is management’s screwup ultimately and it should be them to sort it.

But I also think it’s obvious you need the time off more than your colleague. For all those giving the OP a hard time about the fact she has mentioned her colleague has no children, you’re missing the point. OP isn’t saying she deserves the time off because she has children and wants the perfect Christmas morning at home watching her precious darlings open their gifts, whereas her colleague’s cold empty, childless Christmas won’t be affected if she has to work.

She is mentioning it because it is incredibly relevant that as a single mother to an autistic son, she has responsibilities at home that will be incredibly difficult to cover at this short notice and her colleague doesn’t. It’s not about children vs no children, the same argument would apply if OP had to care for a parent with Alzheimer’s or whatever.

Also everyone mentioning that this is somehow OP’s fault for trying to have a job while also having a child who needs her and what does she do at other times etc, there is clearly going to be a big difference between getting childcare at short notice for CHRISTMAS MORNING than a regular Sunday.

I hope you get it sorted OP. If i was your colleague I’d do it for you. But ultimately you need to explain this to your manager and push this back to them to sort.

[FelizNavicrab]

Be clear with the manager that you can't sort it and you won't be coming to work that day and take the disciplinary.

I could see from a cross post you've asked your colleague and they are unable/unwilling to swap.

In which case, I'd go with the above. If you're only other option is to leave anyway, may as well be blunt and tell them you cannot do the shift. Let them do with that what they will.

[Tessabelle74]

So to be clear, you booked the time in April, Christmas day was refused then, and you've waited until now to try and sort it out? No wonder your colleague is refusing to swap! You have known for 7 months you were working it's totally on you to have sorted it out

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

Your manager should be sorting it out. “Sort it out between you” is absolutely not on. Plus if the requests went in in April, they should have looked at it ages ago.

Of course Christmas isn’t only important if you have kids, but OP having to work would mean a child with additional needs being potentially left with a paid stranger - and who would do this Xmas day? - on Xmas day. If I was the colleague there’s no way I wouldn’t let you have it. If it was my children’s year with their dad (and I worked your job) I’d let you have it.

[CKL987]

I know your mum will have worked a night shift but can she not stay up a few hours longer until you get home?

[RJnomore1]

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. My children are grown and I love Christmas morning but I’d happily work the 3 hours to save you and your child the stress and to be honest it’s what any decent human being would do. I’d have done it when my kids were younger too got someone in your circumstances as my husband would be here with them so it’s much less stressful for me in that situation than you in yours.

Anyone saying you’re entitled etc us just a horrible person so please don’t take that to heart.

[Bobbins36]

@Tessabelle74

So to be clear, you booked the time in April, Christmas day was refused then, and you've waited until now to try and sort it out? No wonder your colleague is refusing to swap! You have known for 7 months you were working it's totally on you to have sorted it out

This! You knew in April you couldn’t have Xmas day off OP? What did you think would happen?

[KatMcBundleFace]

Can't believe some of the selfish responses.....

I'd give my Christmas day morning up in this situation. Your management should be acting here. Let them cover it.

[Redglitter]

@OwwwMuuuum

You have kids so you win Christmas. I can’t believe anyone upthread really would be selfish enough to think anything otherwise. If you don’t have kids, you don’t get priority on Xmas annual leave in my book.

Thank goodness your book doesn't count.
Thankfully management at my work appreciate that those of us without children still have families they want to spend Christmas with & everyone is treated the same