To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

@Bog Yep There was also the fact that retail workers who work in retail parks on Boxing Day having to pay time and a half cab fares to get into work AND back home again as busses do NOT run in some areas on these days and in these cases the retail worker will often be earning less than what the cab fares cost.

I am equally disgusted at OP only earning £35 pounds for working Christmas Day and even if she did or could find the childcare she needs it would cost a fuckton more than £35 but i posted the paragraph above this one to demonstrate that in this country this isnt the only instance in which people basically PAY to go to work. Appalling in both cases.

It’s good news that carers are protected, it’s shit that this situation has been created by piss poor management and either employee loose out.
And indeed the person whom is paying for this care.
no employee should absorb incompetent leadership. Especially if they caring for a disabled child.
No person paying for care should receive a piss poor service. It’s beggars belief.

This drives me nuts. My two colleagues have kids and when it comes to holidays I really just get the ' whatever is left' option. I know why they do it but it really gets on your nerves getting the shifty end of the stick every single year. Fortunately we all get Christmas hols off or I guess I'd be in again....
As for your dilemma, so if you leave your job, does that mean she'll have to work it anyway? Aren't you a piece of work.

"I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job."

So (win-win, sucks to be her) if you leave your job, does she lose her Christmas day off as well?

How are you and your colleugue getting into work. Do you both drive or will it be exorbitant cab fares on these days. Cos £35 wont cover or will barely cover taxi there and back on Christmas Day depending how close you both live to your workplace. Does your collegue live close to the care home? Does she drive? Do you?

This come down to work place policy. If it's first come first served then whoever sent the request first gets it. It could come down to the time of request. If it is managers choice email your issue and a solution if no joy email HR.

The colleague does not have to justify herself, why is there an expectation that she should give up her one day off over Christmas to help someone who has two weeks off?

I honestly can't believe some of the posts here.

The fault lies partly with the weak manager and partly with the OP (though I do have a lot of sympathy for her situation).

The leave was requested in April but Xmas day was not approved. It was pretty clear at that point that she would likely have to work that day, so back up plans should have been made.

Management shouldn't have faffed around until November and then batted it back to the employees though.

Yes probably. It’s worked for me in the past, so it’s worth a go anyways.

I sometimes wonder if I am reading the same posts... No, the OP is NOT a "piece of work"

She is a single mum having been left in the shit by her ex, having requested xmas off 8 months ago, now having a useless manager who is not actually managing but expecting the employees to fight it out between them 😡Unbelievable poor management. Why does OP get the blame when others have let her down?

You @CannibalQueen are a "piece of work" for your incredible lack of compassion

Aren't you a piece of work.

How is she a piece of work exactly?
It is illegal to leave a four year old home alone. She cannot do this.
So if she has no childcare she cannot go to work.
She end up losing her job but she doesn't have a choice.

You're in a very difficult situation and I really feel for you.

If both of you cannot work then the manager will have to make the final decision, either one has to work, or you both get the day off, it all depends on how much the manager values the staff and good relationships. Whatever the outcome one of you will be upset, its entirely the managers fault that has created this situation but your colleague whould not be harrassed if they say no again.

Yes those us with children have other responsibilities as well, they don't cease when you give birth.

At no point have I said those that don't have children don't contribute. It is exasperating to read the OP being labelled, 'entitled' when she has come on to a forum for help named, 'Mumsnet', I don't think she is and rationally speaking she isn't I don't really understand why we can't say that.

I fee for you op. I feel your manager is being a bit unreasonable when he knows you have no workaround on this but your colleague doesn’t have another responsibility that she cannot physically get out of. Why has he/she decided it should be you that comes in?

you’re going to have to call their bluff and hope they don’t sack you

I mean is it really ok to call someone a 'piece of work' for having to resort to leaving a job as she has no options. It is not ok.

Could you split the shift? One of you do half the hours, the other person the other half.

I think I saw an earlier post that you could do the later hours?

But is that not redundant the 'first in' if your colleague with children then says actually they want it because no childcare? So you get told no can do now you selfish bitch-?

It doesn't matter how many hours she would be working for on Christmas Day. It's totally irrelevant. She is as entitled to that Christmas Day off as anyone else. If circumstances don't change for next year and the year after and the year after that should she be expected to just do a few hours every Christmas Day?

OPs colleague shouldn't have to divulge any information as to why she wants Christmas Day off, she doesn't have to Top Trump the reasons for why even if she did happen to have a terminally ill relative, she requested it and if she's been granted it then why on Earth should she have to give up part of the holiday day she was legitimately granted?

I'm sorry that the OP is struggling for childcare on that day but it has nothing at all to do with her colleague.

I think that they need to give as much notice as holiday booked so if you have two weeks holiday booked then they need to give you two weeks notice. If your holiday starts within two weeks it is too late for them to cancel leave.

So the colleague is not entitled to any time off over Christmas just because she doesn't have a kid?

It is not the colleague's responsibility to cover someone else's childcare issues.

Your manager is at fault here for not leading on this. Your colleague has done nothing amiss.

If they sack you, which is unlikely, you’ll find another care role quickly. Or look at hospitality, which is struggling to fill jobs. You’re not in a weak position.

Naturally, if the colleague, for example, had a relative with a terminal illness and this would be their last Christmas, that might be relevant information the colleague might choose to share in these discussions by way of explanation of why she is unwilling to change shift.

Naturally, if the colleague, for example, had a relative with terminal illness and this would be their last Christmas that might be information that was upsetting to her and she shouldn't be put in a position where she should have to share it with random people she works with.

But it's the manager who is to blame here not the OP or the colleague

But they haven’t cancelled her holiday, they’ve not authorised the one day , they never had
which she knew about in April
shitty thing to do but you you can’t say they didn’t give her enough notice

Some people really need to RTFT

I don't agree that it's a case of whoever asked first. Some people get in at the beginning and secure all peak leave which can be unfair on others if not correctly managed.

I prefer all requests in by a specified deadline and then considered by management. Those that can be granted without issue are and the more difficult days depend on (a) whether either of you worked last Christmas Day and (b) how much leave overall you're taking over Christmas. I would also factor in the difficulty with childcare as it's not easy to secure on Christmas Day. I would also take account of any other relevant personal circumstances for the other person (eg caring responsibilities that aren't related to children).

Manager should then make a decision and a right of appeal (nothing beyond an opportunity to make further representations) for anyone turned down. Final decision after that.