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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 05/12/2022 09:58

BloodAndFire · 05/12/2022 09:28

She locked the bar and put the shutters down
This has been said several times

OP didn’t mention that until her fourth post, so I missed it my apologies.

NoWordForFluffy · 05/12/2022 09:59

Jewelanemone · 05/12/2022 09:51

Don't people read the bloody thread?

SHE CLOSED THE SHUTTERS ON THE BAR AND LOCKED THE BAR DOOR WHEN SHE LEFT TO CHANGE THE BARREL!

How many more times does this have to be repeated?

This is MN, reading the thread doesn't happen (or, if it does, the reader's comprehension often lets them down)!

CornishGem1975 · 05/12/2022 10:06

I'd have done the same as you but probably would have reached that point about 2 hours earlier. Your employer is at fault here, and re the wedding, getting married is not an excuse for you or your guests to treat people like shit. Entitled fuckers.

MadameMackenzie · 05/12/2022 10:17

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 01:00

They are routinely voted the shittest hotel chain in country, aren't they?

No that trophy goes to Brittania Hotels! 🏆

VejaVagVagina · 05/12/2022 10:23

YANBU.

BUT, to be bar staff you do need to have thick skin (not tolerate harassment) but do need to have thick skin. You're dealing with drunk people in a party environment.

I can also feel their frustration at having to wait ages to be served - they weren't to know the circumstances. I also used to work in a restaurant and would have impatient customers waiting for their food. The hospitality industry was fucking awful - I worked in a bar, shop and restaurant and you couldn't pay me enough to work back in those jobs with entitled customers who would throw stuff at me and abuse me.

And I do also feel terrible for the bride and groom, you always want your day to go well and it must have been stressful for them to have them picked up your Manager's slack when they should be enjoying themselves!

However, the hotel were completely at fault for not staffing the venue adequately, weddings aren't cheap and the bride and groom's cost would have factored in staff! Fuck your Manager, he's a prick and hopefully he gets his arse handed to him over it.

Well done for walking out, I walked out of my restaurant job as a teenager and felt very smug leaving the horrible Managers in the shit after the way they had treated me! I wasn't the first to do it though...

BaileySharp · 05/12/2022 10:28

Nah I'd say it isn't even your fault if the reception was 'ruined' (which is debateable). The problem was lack of staff which was only because of you after 11pm, before then not your fault. I wouldn't say no drinks after 11 ruins a wedding reception. Perhaps just ends the night a little earlier than they planned

amyneedssleep · 05/12/2022 10:36

Oh my God, this is horrendous. Can you not report the hotel to trading standards? Lone working with alcohol and 200 guests, mould on the bar, a 17 year old left to serve alcohol basically by themselves (even if they did have a little bit of back-up), managers not making themselves available... there's no way this can be seen as upholding employee (and guest) safety!

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 10:39

MadameMackenzie · 05/12/2022 10:17

No that trophy goes to Brittania Hotels! 🏆

They must be so proud Grin

Tillow4ever · 05/12/2022 10:40

Well done OP.

To put this into context for you - my parents ran a pub. On busy nights we would have 4 people on the bar, and my parents would be glass collecting, talking to people, watching out for trouble, etc. Even then, there was just no chance to ever stop - there were always people waiting to be served, and we frequently would run out of glasses as we didn’t have time to get them through the machine and unloaded, despite them being collected. Obviously we just used warm glasses fresh from the machine at that stage.

On nights like that (eg New Years Eve, England games, etc) my dad would get the microphone out and tell customers we were very busy so please be patient with the bar staff, and because you were literally packed in like sardines unable to move, asked people to take their own glasses back to the bar, as there was no chance of people getting through to collect. Pretty much everyone did that to help, because they weren’t arseholes!

You should never have been put in this situation, and I would urge you to flag to as many people as possible the reason why you left. They need to have a serious review.

Tricky34 · 05/12/2022 10:52

Absolutely not, the fact that the Manager! If that’s what you can call them! Left at 8pm and didn’t stay around to help, they could have been collecting glasses, changing kegs. But yeah I would have left too, this wasn’t & isn’t your problem. It’s a really shitty situation to be left in x

KarenOLantern · 05/12/2022 10:54

Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home

I think you're my hero. If more people did this there'd be fewer people working shit conditions.

No one is to blame but the hotel management - absolutely abominable management from their end, and behaviour like yours is exactly what they ought to expect if they treat people like that. Oh, and of course the extremely rude guests. I do feel sorry for the bride and groom and receptionist, but they're not your problem, they're your ex-managers' problem.

KarenOLantern · 05/12/2022 10:57

Oh and make sure you tell your managers EXACTLY why you walked out, EXACTLY why it's their fault, and make it clear to them that it will happen again if they continue to treat their staff like shit.

CrappityCrapCrap · 05/12/2022 10:57

What follow up has there been from your bosses? Have you had an apology?

Blueeyedgirl21 · 05/12/2022 10:58

Just because they’re newlyweds doesn’t make them nice people
they sound like cunts and rough as a badgers tbh
id try and make it right with the girl on reception but apart from that I’d feel no remorse 🤣

LIZS · 05/12/2022 11:00

B and G could have spoken to the front desk and asked for the "manager". Not chosen to miss out on a few hours hard drinking and dancing then complain. Were they staying overnight? Not the problem of a casual staff member.

mauvish · 05/12/2022 11:01

You know, that's probably almost a constructive dismissal situation. Good for you for walking.

MinnieGirl · 05/12/2022 11:05

Well done OP!
Dont let the hotel put any blame on you whatsoever, they left you in the lurch. One person behind the bar, and no manager on site?

If they start getting bolshy with you tell them you will report them to trading standards for the 17 year old, the mole on the bar, and the vermin.

LIZS · 05/12/2022 11:07

mauvish · 05/12/2022 11:01

You know, that's probably almost a constructive dismissal situation. Good for you for walking.

After 2 months in a zero hours role, think it unlikely. Maybe it would be better for the b and g to focus their complaint on a lack of available staff to run the event they had paid for. What if op had been taken ill or had an accident changing the keg.

TabithaTittlemouse · 05/12/2022 11:10

@BeagleLover1 I think you sound amazing. Good on you for leaving. No job is worth it.
(I love your name btw).

WillIwontI14 · 05/12/2022 11:14

You were let down by your managers, they deserved to take the flack!

Echobelly · 05/12/2022 11:16

You didn't ruin anyone's reception. The hotel did by being tight bastards who don't care about their staff's wellbeing.

Maverickess · 05/12/2022 11:18

NumberTheory · 05/12/2022 04:35

If it wasn’t a bar I think there’d be much more of an argument that it was unanticipated guest behaviour and while the management did understaff they couldn’t have anticipated it would lead to this.

But it’s a bar at a wedding reception in a country with a culture of getting drunk at weddings. Management know this and did not provide the staffing necessary to meet reasonable expectations or to cope with the impact of drunk guests even though it was the hotel selling them the alcohol they were getting drunk on.

So while, as I said originally, I do think the abusive guests behaved appallingly and hold some responsibility. I disagree that this isn’t primarily and mainly a failing of management.

I also disagree that customers who are failed by a business owe some kind of duty to the staff being paid by that company when it all goes to shit, as you seem to imply. As an employee you’re a representative of the company, you aren’t a comrade in arms with the customer.

I agree it's on the management, but the guests should never have been abusive, alcohol or not.

We have a habit of excusing this type of behaviour towards service staff as ok because a customer is frustrated - it's not, and this kind of behaviour in general because someone has been drinking - again, it's not.

I don't think the customer owes the staff anything other than treating them like a human being and being reasonable in their expectations - they did neither, that doesn't mean I think that the customer should be a 'comrade in arms' with the staff, it's a basic expectation that you don't abuse another human being - especially as logically they could see the situation for themselves and knew that being abusive would solve nothing, they did it because they could and deserved to have no service for that. It's not acceptable and shouldn't be no matter if someone is frustrated or had a drink. They are not punching bags.

Not being abusive it would seem is an unreasonable ask these days towards service staff and the results are understaffed venue's and the staff that are there getting pushed over the edge - so yes customer behaviour is a contributory factor towards the lack of service being faced - OP has said that if they hadn't behaved the way they did she'd have stayed and they would have still had someone to serve them, they chose not to and this is the result, that's on them.

Pipsquiggle · 05/12/2022 11:25

The management of the hotel set you up to fail.

It's ridiculous you were the only one on shift for that amount of guests.

You then had a medical emergency and were no longer fit to work and left. You probably should have informed someone but panic attacks don't help you think straight.

The bride and groom need to aim their anger at the establishment not you.

I would definitely write down the sequence of events, including the number of resignations leading up to this wedding reception.

OnlyFannys · 05/12/2022 11:26

Bravo OP you did absolutely nothing wrong. Well done for valuing yourself and your mental health. I dont even think you were wrong to not tell anyone as there was no duty manager on the premises. Fuck that hotel, they absolutely deserve all the negative reviews they get for putting staff in this position

JudgeJ · 05/12/2022 11:34

Greenshake · 05/12/2022 00:39

I don’t blame you at all but I do feel a bit sorry for the bride and groom who will have paid a lot for their reception.

The bride and groom need to take it up with the management regarding the poor staffing arrangements, they, management, were dumping far too much on one person. In hospitality I think you would have no problem finding another job if you told them to stuff it! If it's a part of a chain of hotels I would be contacting HQ or whatever, and complaining abiut the poor management.

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